While baby showers complete with a gender reveal do add an element of surprise to parties celebrating the arrival of a new family member and already loved one, they aren't always a delight for everyone.
But typically, the ones who don't find joy in the unveiling aren't the parents-to-be, especially when the unhappiness lies in seeing either pink or blue.
So what happens when a mom-to-be is upset when the color exposed doesn't match the one she wanted?
A mom-to-be on Reddit took to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback after her pregnant cousin, who is upset she is having a boy, demanded that she reveal the gender of her unborn child even though they are waiting until the child's birth to make the announcement to anyone.
Redditor ThrwayCousinsReveal asked:
"AITA for telling my husband's cousin she shouldn't have thrown a gender reveal party?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Both me (29/F[emale]) and my husband's cousin Lena (fake name; 27/F[emale]) are pregnant."
"I'm due in late May, while she's due in August."
"My baby will be my second child (I have a three-year-old son), and hers is her first."
"Lena and I aren't particularly close (and to be honest, I'm not fond of her), but since we're both pregnant, we've been talking more often than usual."
"It was during those conversations that she expressed wanting a baby girl."
"She specifically said she couldn't see herself raising a boy."
"Last month, Lena hosted a gender reveal party and found out she's having a son."
"She was visibly disappointed after finding out the sex of her baby."
"She threw on a fake smile during the actual reveal but didn't keep it up for long."
"For the rest of the party, Lena remained frustrated and was cold and short with everyone who tried to congratulate her."
"I don't know if Lena told anyone else that she wanted a girl, but her disappointment has gotten pretty obvious."
"Since her party, she's been less excited about her pregnancy."
"We've been speaking less because she doesn't even want to talk about her baby anymore."
"Her sadness has earned her some sympathy and support from my in-laws."
"My baby shower will take place this weekend."
"I'm having a girl, but my husband and I decided to wait until birth to reveal that. "
"As such, none of my in-laws have been informed."
"A couple of days ago, Lena called to ask about my baby's gender."
"She said that if I'm expecting a girl, she won't come to the baby shower."
"When I asked why, she said she's still 'mourning her daughter' and doesn't want to be reminded that she's not having a girl."
"She also said that since she'd shared her reveal with the family, it was only fair I told her."
"I reminded her we weren't telling anyone until birth but told her she was welcome to avoid the shower if she wasn't comfortable attending."
"Lena continued to pressure me to tell her, but I stood my ground."
"After some back and forth, she told me I was being inconsiderate, as I knew how devastated she'd been."
"She said she deserved to know if I was about to 'rub my happiness in her face.'"
"That's when I ran out of patience."
"I told Lena that if having a boy was that awful to her, she shouldn't have thrown herself a gender reveal in the first place."
"I said that she could stop celebrating her pregnancy if she wanted to, but she can't dictate what I do about mine."
"Lena is furious."
"She told my in-laws that I was kicking her out of my baby shower."
"I told everyone the truth, but many are still on her side."
"They're saying that it's rude of me to dismiss Lena's pain, and that I should be more graceful towards her."
"My husband is completely on my side, as is my brother-in-law."
"As much as I don't think I was wrong to stand my ground, I do recognize that her feelings towards her baby are none of my business."
"I was both frustrated and exhausted at the time, and I know I would have reacted differently otherwise."
"AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA. And Lena is really a TA to her child."
"The poor boy. Being hated by his mother because of his gender."
"Yes, Lena could have been disappointed at her reveal - but by now, she should be over it."
"She sounds childish."
"And I'm worried about the little boy, if he will ever feel love or if he will always be the boy who ruined Lena's chance to have a firstborn daughter."
"Celebrate your baby shower the way you want and kick Lena out."
"As you don't need this kind of negativity around for your celebration." - Trevena_Ice
"NTA. And I feel bad for Lena's son."
"Please give that child as much care and love as you can because I don't think he's going to get any from his mother." - 1283throwaway
"If people are being selfish and unreasonable, they can't be mad when people don't cater to them."
"And you can have sympathy for her while still not caving to her ridiculous demand that you tell her something you're keeping private."
"You are NTA."
"Your only obligation in handling this is to not be mad at her that she's skipping your shower."
"That's it."
"It's super immature how she's trying to divide the family now." - friendlily
"NTA"
"I always tell Moms with serious gender preference to not do a gender reveal party because pregnancy hormones are more fragile than grenades, and the last thing the baby needs is to see video or pictures of you sobbing angry over finding out that they were not what they thought they wanted 🤷♀️" - thatmidwesterngothic
"NTA"
"ITS RUDE TO DISMISS LENA´S PAIN? WTF."
"You should never have children if PAIN is what you get by not getting your 'wish-gender'" - Lepetitgateau90
"Nta"
"Lena knew when choosing to try for a baby that there was a 50% chance she'd have a boy."
"If she was so determined that she didn't want to be a mother to a boy, she should never have gotten pregnant in the first place."
"There's plenty of little girls out there looking for a loving adoptive family."
"Personally, I think gender reveals are gross anyway."
"Who cares about the gender of your child as long as they're healthy?!?"
"The scan can be wrong anyway!" - ProperMagician7405
"NTA."
"Gender reveals need to end in general, but I absolutely can't stand when people have them when they are passionately against one sex."
"You're allowed to want a certain sex (even though kids will not turn out exactly how you think they will)."
"But your kid will probably hear about your reaction someday."
"I'd be really sad to know my parent threw a hissy fit because of my genitals."
"You can teach your kid to play a sport, wear matching outfits, paint nails, learn the family business, regardless of genitals."
"Unless I'm living life very wrong?" - venus_4938
"NTA in any way, shape or form."
"Anybody who would throw a gender reveal party and go into virtual mourning when it is not what she wants AND tries to tell you what to do at your party is having emotional issues that need some professional help."
"If she doesn't want to attend your shower, just tell her we'll miss you and move on."
"A pregnancy should be a joyful time and don't let her steal your joy just because she's having a fit for not getting what she wants."
"And she's being super disrespectful to the child she has been given by having this fit." - ptazdba
"NTA."
"You are not 'dismissing Lena's pain.'"
"You're just not allowing her to make YOUR shower or pregnancy about her."
"You did not kick her out of your shower, she lied because you won't tell her the baby's gender."
"She's being ridiculous and selfish."
"To act as if her having a boy is a huge loss that she needs sympathy for makes me so sad for her poor son."
"If she keeps this up he will know he was never wanted by his mother."
"She has many more issues to deal with than not knowing the gender of your baby."
"Ignore those that are 'on her side,' they are just adding to a drama you didn't create."
"I would stop communicating with Lena for peace of mind."
"Focus on your pregnancy and try not to deal with her, if you can." - glimmerseeker
According to her fellow Redditors, this mom-to-be is not being selfish or inconsiderate at all.
Like many stated, this is her pregnancy and no one else's, and she should have the freedom to navigate it as she wishes without being made to feel guilty.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.