Experts say children comprehend so much more than people tend to realize.
So why do parents spend so much time trying to hide truths from children?
It can cause so much more drama to lie than just explain things openly.
This is an especially touchy subject when discussing the LGBTQIA+ community.
How hard is love is love is love to understand?
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to babysit after my sister demanded I stop bringing my boyfriend to family events?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 20 M[ale] have been dating my B[oy]F[riend], Ryan 22 M, for about a year.”
“My sister, Amanda (28 F[emale]) has a 4-year-old named Jack.”
“After a family BBQ last month, Amanda pulled me aside and said, ‘Hey just so you know it might be better if you don’t bring Ryan to the next few family gatherings.'”
“I asked her why, and she got all awkward, saying, ‘Jack’s been asking questions about you and Ryan, and I don’t think he’s old enough to understand all that yet.'”
“I told her we weren’t exactly putting on a Pride parade in her yard.”
“We were literally just eating hot dogs and chatting with family. “
“She replied, ‘It’s just confusing for him. You know how kids are.'”
“I was mad but kept it together and said, ‘If Ryan isn’t welcome, maybe I just won’t come either.'”
“She sighed and said I was being ‘dramatic.’”
“Last week Amanda called me, panicked, because her babysitter canceled.”
“I told her I couldn’t because Ryan and I already had plans.”
“She begged, saying she was desperate, and I finally snapped, ‘Why do you want me babysitting Jack? What if I accidentally expose him to my terrifying gay lifestyle? God forbid he sees me and Ryan together.'”
“Amanda blew up.”
“She accused me of using Jack to ‘make a point’ and said, ‘This isn’t about Ryan. It’s about you being spiteful. You’re punishing Jack cause you’re mad at me.’”
“She told my parents, and that’s when real drama started.”
“My mum called and said I was being selfish for letting a ‘small disagreement’ ruin my relationship with Amanda.”
“I told her it wasn’t small and reminded her of Amanda’s comment about ‘confusing’ Jack.”
“Mum brushed it off, saying She’s just doing what’s best for her child.'”
“I said, ‘What about what’s best for me? Why do I have to hide part of my life to make her comfortable?'”
“My dad sided with me.”
“He said Amanda was being narrow-minded and told her, ‘Kids aren’t confused by love; they’re confused by people acting like it’s something to hide.’”
“Amanda then put the drama into the fam group chat.”
“My uncle said, ‘It’s not homophobic to want to protect your kid from topics they’re not ready for. Why push it?'”
“This set off my cousin.”
“She said, ‘If Jack’s old enough to understand that Amanda and Mike are married, then he’s old enough to understand Uncle (Me) has a boyfriend.’”
“She accused Amanda of being a hypocrite and called out my Uncle too, saying, ‘Let’s not make this about your own outdated beliefs.'”
“She also called Amanda a ‘stuck up bi**h.’”
“And my Uncle called my cousin a ‘drama queen.’ My aunt chimed in on the family chat saying, ‘I don’t agree with (Me) lifestyle, but we should still support each other.'”
“My grandmother replied, ‘Support doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect.’”
“Amanda’s husband Mike texted me saying ‘Look I don’t have an issue with you or Ryan, but this is getting out of hand. Amanda is just trying to avoid awkward questions from Jack, not insult you.’”
“I told him, ‘It’s already insulting. Would she say the same thing if I were dating a woman?'”
“He left me on seen.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors were all over the place declaring OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It seems to me that they were putting on a show to try and keep the peace, but now that drama is occurring with your sister, they seem to be taking sides and expressing their narrow-minded beliefs.”
“Cut off your family.”
“Your dad, cousin, and grandmother are the only ones you need.” ~ REDDIT
“Agreed. It’s easier to say they’re supportive when it’s all ‘in theory,’ until you start bringing your BF around and making it all more real to them.”
“I’ve seen it happen to many of my friends.”
“They ‘support your lifestyle’ but don’t agree with it and don’t want to see it.”
“NTA, OP. Your sister is a hypocrite.” ~ OkJellyfish1872
“I moved back to a small town I used to live in a few years ago.”
“I reconnected with a friend that I hadn’t seen in years.”
“Her sister is gay but took a bit to come out.”
“She married a man young and had two children before she decided she was gay.”
“Anyway now she’s married to a woman.”
“I always thought she was gay. Sometimes you just know?”
“I asked my friend about how she was doing and mentioned I saw she remarried.”
“My friend said she’s gay. We don’t see each other much because ‘I don’t want that around my daughter.'”
“These were sisters that were always very close.”
“I think I just looked shocked.”
“That was the first and last time I saw that friend.”
“Love is love.” ~ bojenny
“This is the reason for this drama.”
“People like to think they are open-minded, but not really.”
“There is the possibility that some of them get used to it, but it doesn’t mean OP should hide who he is when these people make soul searching.”
“The fact is that there always be people like that,t and you just have to accept that the only person you can change is yourself.”
“What is odd for me is that the sister is so worried about if she has to explain homosexuality to her kid.”
“I do think there is a neutral and child-proper way to explain homosexuality.”
“I mean, you don’t explain heterosexuality to kids with details either, so protecting children is an excuse. NTA.” ~ greatfinngal
“Your sister, uncle, and aunt are all hiding their homophobia behind your nephew.”
“It’s not a lifestyle choice. This is someone you’re dating and in love with.”
“It’s also hypocritical of her to want to ban your BF but then immediately seek you out for help when the babysitter bailed.”
“Go L[ow] C[ontact]. You don’t need this drama.” ~ PrincessCG
“And remember, she was the one who took this to the rest of your family.”
“This could have just been between you two, but she’s the one who escalated it.”
“Also, it’s not a ‘lifestyle choice.'”
“It’s who you are.”
“The moment someone calls homosexuality a ‘lifestyle choice,’ you know they’re people you should avoid whether they ‘agree’ with it or not.”
“NTA. Your sister and half your family are awful.” ~ EffectiveNo7681
“NTA. Your sister is being ridiculous.”
“You can explain anything to a 4-year-old. You just use terms they can understand.”
“Our now 7-year-old has been taught about racism, homophobia, misogyny, any kind of bigotry really, the evils of capitalism, the list goes on.”
“We started very young with him, and with each year that passes, we teach him a little more to build on the foundation we already put down.”
“People choose ignorance all the time, and it doesn’t make it OK.”
“Your sister is choosing to keep her kid shielded because of her own bigoted beliefs.”
“I’d cut her off.”
“I don’t say that lightly — I was estranged from my parents for years because of their belief systems. It was some of the best peace I’ve ever known.” ~ SalaciousSapphic
“NTA. If Jack is old enough to understand a man and woman being together, he’s old enough to understand a man and man being together.”
“I am also gay, and I would have said the same thing to my sister.”
“It’s disappointing that this has divided your family. It really brings out their true colors.”
“I think you should go little to no contact with your sister.” ~ REDDIT
OP responded…
“I haven’t spoken to my sister in days now.”
“I’m definitely considering going N[o] C[ontact] with her.”
“Some of these comments are saying that she is using Jack as a way to hide her homophobia, and honestly, now that I think about she might be.”
“What’s confusing to me is that my whole family was supportive of me when I came out, and they were all so nice and respectful to Ryan when I introduced him to the family.”
“I just don’t know why everyone has switched up all of a sudden.”
Reddit continued…
“My 3-year-old nephew told me, apropos of nothing, ‘girls and boys can fall in love and sometimes girls love girls and boys love boys.'”
“I simply replied, ‘That’s right.'”
“End of the conversation, no one was confused.”
“Clearly, he’d already been taught that by Mom and Dad.”
“He was informing me, telling me a life fact, the same way he’d tell me about dinosaurs.”
“He was not confused at all. Mostly because it’s not really confusing.”
“Unless you’re homophobic. NTA.”
“Some of your family are a**holes, though.”
“Your dad, though, was spot on.” ~ GoblinKing79
“My son was raised around his gay uncles since birth.”
“I always believed it was a blessing because he never questioned it.”
“They were a couple just like me and his daddy.”
“Not once in 8 years has he questioned it or thought it was weird.”
“I explained homophobia to him when he was 4 or 5.”
“He thought THAT was weird.”
“He didn’t understand why people cared.” ~ Longjumping-Pick-706
“I agree 100%.”
“Let’s be real.”
“The sister is a homophobe.”
“There’s lots of things that kids ask questions about, and all you do as a parent is answer appropriately.”
“The issue lies with Amanda and her alone.”
“She is uncomfortable with her OP’s sexuality, and that’s the real issue.”
“I feel very sorry for OP in this situation.”
“He is definitely NTA.”
“OP deserves a better sister.” ~ PhilosophicalWarPig
“NTA. What ‘awkward questions’ are they talking about?”
“It’s really very easy to explain to a four-year-old that grown adults can be in a relationship with each other, whether it’s a man and a woman, two men, or two women.”
“I know it’s easy because I did that for my own child when he was little.”
“Jack can totally handle your relationship with Ryan; it’s the adults in your family who cannot.”
“You are absolutely right to object and to not babysit if this is the attitude they are going to give you about it.” ~ cascadia1979
“NTA. And yes it is that easy to tell a small child that OP and Ryan are a couple who love each other.”
“They don’t have to demonstrate, what they do, when they are alone, that would be inappropriate.”
“I was that age when we visited my Mom’s friend who was in a gay relationship.”
“It took me years to realize they were more than just roommates.”
“If you show the kids that gays are bad, they will treat them accordingly; if you show them that gays are just ordinary people, they will treat them accordingly.” ~ BluetoothXIII
“I don’t know, man; if a kid is old enough to process that men and women get together, then he’s old enough to process that same-sex couples occur as well.”
“Just because your sister isn’t ready/doesn’t want to explain it doesn’t mean she’s right.”
“I would be side-eyeing her hard after those statements at the BBQ and going over every interaction I’ve had with her with a fine tooth comb, looking for other signs of homophobia.”
“Is Jack in daycare?”
“What happens when there are gay parents?”
“I think being LC and not engaging with her socially (even to babysit) is a fair response to your sister. NTA.” ~ Tough_Crazy_8362
“NTA… but those family group chats sound hella interesting.”
“Like a soap opera!” ~ Leading_Confidence64
“Parents afraid to have discussions with their children astound me.”
“Mom had an excellent opportunity to teach her kid some kindness.”
“Homophobic AND immature. NTA OP.”
“Your dad and cousin sound like excellent folks.”
“See them outside of the rest of this mess.” ~ ramboans30
“NTA- my best friend is gay; from day one, both my kids have understood that two (or more) people can fall in love.”
“My kids know about boyfriends and girlfriends; they’re friends and boyfriends.”
“Your sister is using her kid to hide her homophobia.” ~ annep1982
“NTA. Your dad and cousin said it perfectly.”
“Children can understand gay relationships just as well as straight ones.”
“Amanda sounds like one of those idiots who believe that children become gay if they’re exposed to them.” ~ UnfairEntrance159
“NTA – you have a family half full of homophobic a**holes.”
“F**k those people.” ~ nolan358
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your sister has a lot of soul-searching to do. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Good luck.