When someone does something that really gets us angry, it’s hard not to wish we could get back at them.
Have our revenge, as it were.
Tempting and pleasing as the idea might be, however, revenge seldom, if ever, pays off.
As while it might be satisfying in the moment, in the grand scheme of things, it will likely only make things worse.
The husband of Redditor CharlieOutlaw23 was not at all pleased when she declined to accompany him to a gathering.
Indeed, he was so angry that he decided payback was the only solution.
Resulting in the original poster (OP) missing a very important appointment, and unleashing her wrath on her husband.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for blowing up at my husband for messing with my alarm and causing me to miss my exam?”
The OP explained why she was simply unable to hold back her anger following an act of petty revenge from her husband.
“I (23 F[emale]) have been married to my husband (26 M[ale]) for a year.”
“I’m in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming.”
“My husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore.”
“I’ve told him it’s not gonna last forever and that I need to focus because this is my last year and it’s been the hardest.”
“The day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend’s birthday party.”
“I refused because I was busy preparing for my exam.”
“he pleaded with me saying it’s just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if I’m not there.”
“I said no and shut down any further discussions.”
“He got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it.”
“Before I went to bed, I set my alarm clock like I always do since I’m a heavy sleeper and I stayed up late studying.”
“The next morning I woke up at 9am.”
“I literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am.”
“I had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time.”
“I couldn’t believe it I absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right.”
“He just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage.”
“I got dressed quickly and rushed to the university.”
“They didn’t let me into the exam hall.”
“I got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since I had no legit reason as to why I was late.”
“It was awful is all I can say.”
“I went home and my husband and I stopped speaking to each other.”
“He kept acting as if I hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling.”
“And that I deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks.”
“I might be wrong for not considering it but I think that my exams should be a priority and his way of ‘teaching me a lesson’ was not right.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for lashing out at her husband for changing her alarm.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband was way out of line over such a petty issue, with many even saying that the OP would have been more than justified in divorcing him after this.
“That’s a divorce level sabotage of your degree.”- naraic-
“He punished you because you didn’t obey him.”
“He tried to sabotage your degree, or at least passing a class, worth thousands of dollars.”
“Because you didn’t obey him.”
“NTA, but I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with a man who feels entitled to do this.”
“I also wouldn’t trust him for a long as time, if ever again.”
“Set your alarm on your phone and change your passcode so he can’t get to it.”
“Make sure your bank account is separate.”- cadmium2093
“And you did have a very valid reason, abusive husband.”
“This is not a person to spend your life with.”- Zubinka
“Jesus Christ, he sabotaged you.”
“How on earth is this your fault?”
“This is actually evil, immature, childish, conniving.”
“You’re NTA at all.”
“How badly will this affect your grade?”- mossydeerbones
“He did this totally out of spite KNOWING it would cause you to be late to your exam.”
“You are right, university doesn’t last forever and you will be able to go out and do more fun things when it’s over.”
“Might be worth reminding him that it’s actually going to be longer until you can do that now that you’ve missed your exam.”
“On an unrelated note, if you just simply didn’t want to go that should also be fine?”
“He doesn’t need you to hold his hand everywhere.”
“He seems disrespectful of your time, your work and your autonomy.”- TheTARDISRanAway
“Holy sh*t, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a f*cking party you couldn’t attend?”
“What kind of husband would do sh*t like that.”
“That’s so fucking petty.”
“I think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at.”
“I would have kicked him out immediately.”- JBR3196
“I usually hate all of the ‘get a divorce’ reactions to anything but a man teaching you a lesson because you refuse to do as he says.”
“Do you hear it yourself?”
“He was willing to screw with your grade.”
“Because he feels entitled to teach you a lesson.”
“What if you get a job that interferes with his idea of social life?”
“Are you willing to risk getting fired for his next stunt?”
“So stay if you like but he must have learned HIS lesson for that.”
“So whatever you do, make sure the consequences now are strong enough for him to reconsider next time.”- Random_user_of_doom
“He’s sabotaging your academic future, which is also tied to your career.”
“He’s doing this deliberately.”
“This isn’t just about ‘you wouldn’t give me an hour so I took an hour because I’m upset’.”
“It’s about controlling you and sabotaging something which could give you independence from him.”
“It’s actually really, really serious.”
“Its coercive control, which is a form of abuse.”
“Any person who thinks they have a right to ‘teach a lesson’ to their spouse is a giant red flag.”
“That isn’t how you resolve disputes.”
“But he chose to do so knowing the consequences for you would be potentially disastrous.”
“In my universities, you would have failed that exam and be capped at a failing grade even if you sat it later.”
“Which would have a disastrous effect on overall degree results because last year counts for the most.”
“You didn’t deserve what he did and you didn’t overreact.”
“This would genuinely be divorce territory for me, because he is trying to sabotage your future.”
“A decent spouse is supportive of their partner doing things like education or work.”
‘He is trying to ruin it for you.”
“It isn’t just about the party, he’s upset because you’ve been assertive and set boundaries and he hasn’t been able to control you.”- sunkathousandtimes
“Your husband thinks a party is more important than your academic future.”
“Not even a party for someone important to you.”
“And when you tell him you can’t accommodate that, he takes it upon himself to punish you.”
“Do you have somewhere else to stay? “
“If not, can you talk to your school and find out if there are resources available to you?”
“He’s throwing red flags all over the place, and if you don’t at least make sure you can complete your remaining tests in peace, I’m worried you’re going to find yourself in a situation where you’re unable to graduate and are totally dependent on a guy who thinks it’s okay to bully you into doing what he wants.”- mm172
“What a horrible thing to do.”
“There are a few red flags here.”
“The need to make you suffer to get revenge.”
“How old is he?”
“I fully understand that exam season can be hard for your husband but seeking revenge?”
“It’s not like you schedule exams to piss him off.”
“He knowingly sabotages your education/future over selfish reasons.”
“Let me guess, he’s not exactly the ambitious type?”
“Everyone who ever had to work really hard for a goal would fully understand that sometimes you just have to work while others are having fun.”
“Now he’s the victim?”
“What kind of reaction did he expect? “
“A thank you note for the extra hour of sleep?”
“What a massive gaslighting AH.”
“You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”- toughminds
It’s difficult not to be shocked by the conduct of the OP’s husband.
Who felt it was more important for her to show up to a party than it was for her to study for her exams.
Not to mention that he felt her doing so was worth such a malicious bit of revenge.
If he thought doing so would result in her spending more time with him, he’s bound for a very rude awakening indeed.