Physical touch is a very polarizing issue for many people.
While some treat hugs, kisses and the like almost as if it were part of their DNA, others are made highly uncomfortable by it, even if they're simply observing it.
Things can get even more delicate when it comes to physical contact with one's family members, as was the case with Redditor vibigiona, who's behavior with her brother left her boyfriend in a state of disbelief.
Thinking that her boyfriend overreacted, while also questioning her own behavior, the original poster, (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for sharing a bed with my (20 F[emale]) brother (26 M[ale])?"
The OP first filled readers in on her current living situation, and a visit from her brother that both she and her boyfriend had been expecting.
"I know this story may sound absurd but bear with me, please."
"So, I'm a college student and I've been living with my boyfriend (21 M) since last year."
"I'm attending an out-of-state university by the way."
"My brother had some business to do in a nearby city from today 'till Friday."
"He decided to take a little detour and arrive at my place on Saturday and spend the weekend with me and then take an early morning flight to his destination on Monday since it's close-by."
"I had a very busy and tiring day prior to his arrival though so I told him that I was going to leave the door unlocked and he could just come in as I didn't want to be woken up (he was supposed to get to my apartment at around 6 AM)."
"My boyfriend left on Friday to spend the night at his parents' house because his mom was not feeling well."
"He knew that my brother was coming over."
"My brother arrives on Saturday at around 6:30 AM."
"He tries to wake me up but to no avail."
"He tells me: 'If you're not going to wake up, at least let me get into bed 'cause it's cold and I'm sleepy too.'."
"I say okay and he gets in."
"We immediately fall asleep."
The OP's boyfriend returned home shortly thereafter, and was not at all pleased with what he found upon returning.
"My boyfriend's yelling wakes us up at around 10:30 AM."
"He starts saying how this is 'basically cheating', asking if we had sex, if we're in an incestuous relationship, etc., that this is absolutely disgusting and mega inappropriate and other delusional things like that."
"I tell him that we've always shared a bed while living at home and that this is 100% platonic."
"He lets me know that 'we were snuggling under the blankets while sleeping'."
"I tell him yeah, that's what people do when they share a bed and it's cold."
"I start to get really angry at him at this point for constantly trying to sexualize me and my brother's relationship so I tell him that I'm going to spend the weekend with my brother at a hotel and until I come back he better learn how to manage this irrational jealousy of his."
"I'm back at my apartment now but my boyfriend gives me the cold shoulder."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community didn't quite know what to make of the OP's story, resulting in a decidedly mixed group of equally confused responses.
There were some who firmly took the OP's side, agreeing that her boyfriend completely over reacted.
"Erm...NTA."
"Your boyfriend though....sheesh."-TFunke365.
"Your boyfriend has seen too much incest porn."
"It is absolutely okay to snuggle a sibling when cold and in bed."
"Unless you guys were touching inappropriate places, it wouldn't bother me (on its own), if I were in your BF's place."-togocann49.
"NTA, this is his weird sexual issue."
"I guess it is privilege too."
"I mean it is really like only a few hundred years since every family lived in one room."-cinnamngrl.
"NTA."
"Huge red flag."
"Dude accused you of incest."
"That would be a deal breaker for most people in addition to his jealousy."-Noctisv020.
"NTA and WTF is wrong with your boyfriend?"- filkerdave.
"NTA, Your boyfriend watches too much porn, and I'm guessing incest porn at that."-wonkow.
A few felt that even if the OP wasn't the a**hole in this particular circumstance, her somewhat intimate physical relationship with her brother was strange nonetheless.
"NTA but I am the only one who thinks it's kind of weird to snuggle with your siblings?"
"Whenever my siblings and I were forced to share a bed we would literally build pillow walls to keep away from each other lol."-smileycat7725.
Other's didn't really think anyone was at fault one way or the other, though understanding how the OP's boyfriend might have been unsettled by the sight of her and her brother in bed.
"NAH - is this thread full of dudes wanting to snuggle their sister in bed or something?"
"It's a bit odd, but not necessarily sexual in any way."
"However I can see him being weirded out but his reaction is over the top and straight to his comments raises flags."-Jredrum.
"Maybe I'm the weirdo, but I don't cuddle any family members...I have a sister, a mom and a dad."
"When I was a child, sure, I might cuddle my mom, but never my sister."
"I certainly would not feel comfortable doing that as an adult."
"Not saying it's okay that the boyfriend flipped his shit, but I would be really weirded out if I walked into that, ngl."-SpoonyLoveee69.
"NAH."
"He shouldn't have yelled at you and accused you of having sex but if I came home and caught my bf spooning his sister and his response to my horror was 'we do it all the time at home' ... I'd probably leave and never come back cause that's .. disconcerting and makes my skin crawl in a very serious way."
"There's close and there's too close."- BeautifulNet5373.
"NAH - Apparently I'm in the minority that I find it a little weird to snuggle with your brother in bed?"-Actually_Avery.
Though, on the flip side, some found that everyone was at fault for precisely the same reason.
"ESH."
"I'd be a little weirded out if I saw my wife cuddling her brother, but I also wouldn't start yelling and accusing her of incest."
"You should probably warn a significant other that you have a more affectionate than average relationship with your brother, but also your boyfriend overreacted."-darthfodder.
"ESH."
"I think sharing a bed is fine, sleeping at opposite ends would make more sense to me in this case."
"Although me personally I'd probably sleep on the sofa/couch."
"But the whole cuddling thing is pretty strange imo."
"Esp for two adult siblings."
"Maybe people are thinking of it as them being kids or something."
"But the whole cuddling thing for 20f & 26m brother/sister is just odd."
"Highly doubt he'd cuddle his 20m brother in bed all night if he had one."
"Also sure if this read as her dad slept in bed with her and cuddled his 20f daughter there'd be a whole bunch of red flag people out in this."
"The only time I'd even consider that is if I'm trapped outdoors in the freezing cold & have no choice."-snipergotya.
"ESH."
"The sleeping part is fine."
"The cuddling under the blankets is a bit sus."-DidimusPrime.
"This thread is insane it's absolutely not normal to big spoon little spoon snuggle with your adult sibling especially when there are other sleeping options are available ESH."-Evolution1313.
While others were quick to declare the OP as the a**hole, unsettled by her relationship with her brother.
"The boyfriend needs to walk away and trust his instincts about what he saw and felt."
"Left to share a hotel room."
"Nah."
"This is beyond who's the a$$hole here."
"This is icky."
"YTA."- TriniGold.
"YTA."
"Given all your behavior I'd assume it was incest."
"Spooning your adult sibling is insanely weird."
"At some point you are going to have an erect d*ck pressed against you, no way around it unless your brother is unhealthy and doesn't get morning wood."-TentacleHydra.
"YTA."
"I have siblings too, and I would never in my life find it appropriate to get in bed with my sister for any reason."
"Not only that, but I would also never be snuggling with my siblings either."
"That's just weird, and anyone with a healthy sense of boundaries would know that."
"You're pretty fucking weird and your boyfriend has every right to be upset, I wouldn't be surprised if he leaves you."
"I love my siblings dearly, and I would do anything for them, but I can also recognize what is just wildly inappropriate."
"You've got issues, and so does your brother."-Captain__Zanzibar.
"Lotta weirdos in here."
"Cuddling in bed with your sibling is ick."
"I would be beyond grossed out to find my husband in bed spooning his sister."-sew-sarcastic.
Indeed, a delicate and curious situation for all involved, easy to leave anyone at a loss for words.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.