Physical touch is a very polarizing issue for many people.
While some treat hugs, kisses and the like almost as if it were part of their DNA, others are made highly uncomfortable by it, even if they’re simply observing it.
Things can get even more delicate when it comes to physical contact with one’s family members, as was the case with Redditor vibigiona, who’s behavior with her brother left her boyfriend in a state of disbelief.
Thinking that her boyfriend overreacted, while also questioning her own behavior, the original poster, (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for sharing a bed with my (20 F[emale]) brother (26 M[ale])?”
The OP first filled readers in on her current living situation, and a visit from her brother that both she and her boyfriend had been expecting.
“I know this story may sound absurd but bear with me, please.”
“So, I’m a college student and I’ve been living with my boyfriend (21 M) since last year.”
“I’m attending an out-of-state university by the way.”
“My brother had some business to do in a nearby city from today ’till Friday.”
“He decided to take a little detour and arrive at my place on Saturday and spend the weekend with me and then take an early morning flight to his destination on Monday since it’s close-by.”
“I had a very busy and tiring day prior to his arrival though so I told him that I was going to leave the door unlocked and he could just come in as I didn’t want to be woken up (he was supposed to get to my apartment at around 6 AM).”
“My boyfriend left on Friday to spend the night at his parents’ house because his mom was not feeling well.”
“He knew that my brother was coming over.”
“My brother arrives on Saturday at around 6:30 AM.”
“He tries to wake me up but to no avail.”
“He tells me: ‘If you’re not going to wake up, at least let me get into bed ’cause it’s cold and I’m sleepy too.’.”
“I say okay and he gets in.”
“We immediately fall asleep.”
The OP’s boyfriend returned home shortly thereafter, and was not at all pleased with what he found upon returning.
“My boyfriend’s yelling wakes us up at around 10:30 AM.”
“He starts saying how this is ‘basically cheating’, asking if we had sex, if we’re in an incestuous relationship, etc., that this is absolutely disgusting and mega inappropriate and other delusional things like that.”
“I tell him that we’ve always shared a bed while living at home and that this is 100% platonic.”
“He lets me know that ‘we were snuggling under the blankets while sleeping’.”
“I tell him yeah, that’s what people do when they share a bed and it’s cold.”
“I start to get really angry at him at this point for constantly trying to sexualize me and my brother’s relationship so I tell him that I’m going to spend the weekend with my brother at a hotel and until I come back he better learn how to manage this irrational jealousy of his.”
“I’m back at my apartment now but my boyfriend gives me the cold shoulder.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community didn’t quite know what to make of the OP’s story, resulting in a decidedly mixed group of equally confused responses.
There were some who firmly took the OP’s side, agreeing that her boyfriend completely over reacted.
“Your boyfriend though….sheesh.”-TFunke365.
“Your boyfriend has seen too much incest porn.”
“It is absolutely okay to snuggle a sibling when cold and in bed.”
“Unless you guys were touching inappropriate places, it wouldn’t bother me (on its own), if I were in your BF’s place.”-togocann49.
“NTA, this is his weird sexual issue.”
“I guess it is privilege too.”
“I mean it is really like only a few hundred years since every family lived in one room.”-cinnamngrl.
“Huge red flag.”
“Dude accused you of incest.”
“That would be a deal breaker for most people in addition to his jealousy.”-Noctisv020.
“NTA and WTF is wrong with your boyfriend?”- filkerdave.
“NTA, Your boyfriend watches too much porn, and I’m guessing incest porn at that.”-wonkow.
A few felt that even if the OP wasn’t the a**hole in this particular circumstance, her somewhat intimate physical relationship with her brother was strange nonetheless.
“NTA but I am the only one who thinks it’s kind of weird to snuggle with your siblings?”
“Whenever my siblings and I were forced to share a bed we would literally build pillow walls to keep away from each other lol.”-smileycat7725.
Other’s didn’t really think anyone was at fault one way or the other, though understanding how the OP’s boyfriend might have been unsettled by the sight of her and her brother in bed.
“NAH – is this thread full of dudes wanting to snuggle their sister in bed or something?”
“It’s a bit odd, but not necessarily sexual in any way.”
“However I can see him being weirded out but his reaction is over the top and straight to his comments raises flags.”-Jredrum.
“Maybe I’m the weirdo, but I don’t cuddle any family members…I have a sister, a mom and a dad.”
“When I was a child, sure, I might cuddle my mom, but never my sister.”
“I certainly would not feel comfortable doing that as an adult.”
“Not saying it’s okay that the boyfriend flipped his shit, but I would be really weirded out if I walked into that, ngl.”-SpoonyLoveee69.
“He shouldn’t have yelled at you and accused you of having sex but if I came home and caught my bf spooning his sister and his response to my horror was ‘we do it all the time at home’ … I’d probably leave and never come back cause that’s .. disconcerting and makes my skin crawl in a very serious way.”
“There’s close and there’s too close.”- BeautifulNet5373.
“NAH – Apparently I’m in the minority that I find it a little weird to snuggle with your brother in bed?”-Actually_Avery.
Though, on the flip side, some found that everyone was at fault for precisely the same reason.
“I’d be a little weirded out if I saw my wife cuddling her brother, but I also wouldn’t start yelling and accusing her of incest.”
“You should probably warn a significant other that you have a more affectionate than average relationship with your brother, but also your boyfriend overreacted.”-darthfodder.
“I think sharing a bed is fine, sleeping at opposite ends would make more sense to me in this case.”
“Although me personally I’d probably sleep on the sofa/couch.”
“But the whole cuddling thing is pretty strange imo.”
“Esp for two adult siblings.”
“Maybe people are thinking of it as them being kids or something.”
“But the whole cuddling thing for 20f & 26m brother/sister is just odd.”
“Highly doubt he’d cuddle his 20m brother in bed all night if he had one.”
“Also sure if this read as her dad slept in bed with her and cuddled his 20f daughter there’d be a whole bunch of red flag people out in this.”
“The only time I’d even consider that is if I’m trapped outdoors in the freezing cold & have no choice.”-snipergotya.
“The sleeping part is fine.”
“The cuddling under the blankets is a bit sus.”-DidimusPrime.
“This thread is insane it’s absolutely not normal to big spoon little spoon snuggle with your adult sibling especially when there are other sleeping options are available ESH.”-Evolution1313.
While others were quick to declare the OP as the a**hole, unsettled by her relationship with her brother.
“The boyfriend needs to walk away and trust his instincts about what he saw and felt.”
“Left to share a hotel room.”
“This is beyond who’s the a$$hole here.”
“This is icky.”
“Given all your behavior I’d assume it was incest.”
“Spooning your adult sibling is insanely weird.”
“At some point you are going to have an erect d*ck pressed against you, no way around it unless your brother is unhealthy and doesn’t get morning wood.”-TentacleHydra.
“I have siblings too, and I would never in my life find it appropriate to get in bed with my sister for any reason.”
“Not only that, but I would also never be snuggling with my siblings either.”
“That’s just weird, and anyone with a healthy sense of boundaries would know that.”
“You’re pretty fucking weird and your boyfriend has every right to be upset, I wouldn’t be surprised if he leaves you.”
“I love my siblings dearly, and I would do anything for them, but I can also recognize what is just wildly inappropriate.”
“You’ve got issues, and so does your brother.”-Captain__Zanzibar.
“Lotta weirdos in here.”
“Cuddling in bed with your sibling is ick.”
“I would be beyond grossed out to find my husband in bed spooning his sister.”-sew-sarcastic.
Indeed, a delicate and curious situation for all involved, easy to leave anyone at a loss for words.