Beginning a new relationship is always an adjustment.
As you constantly worry that your new partner might not like things about you, and worry even more that you might discover things about your new partner that you don’t particularly like yourself.
Over time, of course, most people find themselves loving their partner in spite of these ticks and quirks, possibly even growing to find those very traits cute rather than annoying.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky, and might demand their partner change their ways.
Redditor ch3m1kal recently began a new relationship.
Things seemed to be going well, aside from one element of the original poster (OP)’s life that their new girlfriend simply couldn’t tolerate.
Ultimately giving the OP an ultimatum that the OP had no intention to oblige.
Wondering if they were in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to fire my housekeeper like my GF asked?”
The OP explained how their housekeeper inadvertently caused a wedge in their new relationship:
“So I’ve been dating a new girl for about a month, and we mostly get along great, but she gets extremely angry over the idea that I have a housekeeper come in every 2 weeks to clean my apartment.”
“I tried talking to her about it, but she absolutely refuses to listen and just wants me to fire this woman who’s worked for me for 10 years just because she feels bad about her.”
“To be clear, they’ve never even met.”
“Also, probably relevant is that we don’t live together; this is my apartment.”
“AITA for not playing along and firing a person who’s done nothing wrong just because my new GF wants me to?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to fire their cleaning woman.
Everyone agreed that the demand of the OP’s girlfriend was ridiculous, and if the OP should remove anyone from their life, it is their girlfriend, not their cleaning woman:
“NTA.”
“Run away from your girlfriend quickly.”
“She wants your housekeeper out so she can take that place and ‘work’ by moving into your apartment and not keeping it clean.”- Creepy-Stable-6192
“NTA, that’s super weird.”
“Fire the girl, not the housekeeper.”- PotentialAdorable405
“NTA.”
“You need a new girlfriend.”
“This one has baggage.”
“Consider yourself lucky you don’t live with her, don’t have a child with her – and run!”- ClassicCommercial581
“What?”
“NTA .”
“Fire the girlfriend.”- Forrest-cat
“NTA.”
“This is controlling behaviour and needs to be nipped asap.”
“Tell her no and she has 2 choices, move on and quit asking you to fire her or you break up because it’s a crazy request.”- zombiezmaj
“NTA.”
“Ditch the girlfriend, not the housekeeper.”
“Huge red flags all over this if g/f is being entitled about who comes into your apartment when she doesn’t even live there.”
“Also, f*cking weird … I mean, I LOVED having someone come in and do the cleaning for me (cleaner resigned when her elderly care business got off the ground – and good for her – I can’t afford to replace her just now, would in a heartbeat if I could!).”
“If you are paying someone PROPER money to do the shit you don’t wanna do and they are willing to do it then I can’t see what the problem is.”- TeenySod
“NTA.”
“RIP to every aspect of your life, relationships, hobbies, assets, and possibly career, if you stay with this woman.”- Delicious_Peace_2526
“OP has had that agreement with the cleaning lady for 10 years.”
“OP has been with gf one month.”
“Keep the cleaning lady.”
“NTA.”- FrostyIcePrincess
“NTA.”
“She’s testing the waters to see what she can make you do.”
“It’s going to be downhill from there if you fire her.”
“Fire your girlfriend instead.”- shola_atw
“NTA.”
“I genuinely think you’ve struck lucky here – your gf has shown her true colors early on, and you can nope your way out with a clear conscience!”
“As others have noted, she’s started conditioning you to her ridiculous way of thinking, and if you put up with it, it’ll only get worse.”
“Personally, I’d go straight to the ‘this isn’t working for me’ stage, and save a lot of hassle and heartache – it’s only been a month, and dating is for exactly this reason: finding out if we’re compatible’.”
“Good luck – I think you’re going to need it!'”- MoxieOHara
“Hell no, NTA.”
“Why would your GF have a problem with the housekeeper, anyhow?”
“Also, it’s easier to find a new GF than to find a new housekeeper, so choose accordingly.”
“Can we get more info, though as to what your GF’s problem with you having a housekeeper is?”- Ehrlichs-Reagent
“NTA.”
“I don’t like the Reddit kneejerk of ‘dump the girlfriend’ in general, but you’ve only been dating a single month?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t waste my time and break it off immediately.”
“You haven’t invested anything yet.”
“That someone gets ‘extremely angry’ about anything within the first month is a gigantic red flag in itself.”- Attygalle
“At a month into dating, you should be starting to think if you are falling in love.”
“You are not at the stage where you get to dictate anything about the other person’s lifestyle.”
“And even if you were, a housekeeper is something a couple discusses at the living together stage, not before.”
“There seems to be a trend recently of ladies (and some gents) testing the boundaries at this stage as if it’s a game.”
“I’d be tempted to say this is falling into this trend, which to me says run.”
“NTA.”- dragonetta123
“NTA.”
“Why does she want this?”
“Why does she think it’s her business?”- MmaRamotsweOS
“NTA.”
“Dump your girlfriend.”
“It’s only been a month, and she’s getting extremely angry over you employing someone for a decade?”
“Run.”- Lil_lib_snowflake
“Run, don’t walk, out of this relationship.”
“That demand is insane and proof of worse things to come.”
“NTA.”- yuhju
“I don’t usually say this, but you need to lose this girl.”
“This is a big red flag.”
“You’ve dated her one month, and she wants you to fire a loyal long-term employee.”
“It’s also really hard to find a trustworthy and consistent housekeeper.”
“NTA.”- ImportantRoutine1
“NTA.”
“So your girlfriend is pro your cleaner losing a job because she doesn’t feel right about it?”
“That’s messed up.”- CrabbiestAsp
“You’ve been dating her a month and she wants to push lifestyle changes on you?”
“Heck no.”
“Nothing wrong with employing a housekeeper as long as you pay them well.”
“NTA.”- rayjaymor85
“Hey dude, your girlfriend dropped these [red flags].”
“NTA.”
“She’s testing to see how far she can push to get rid of any other women in your life.”- NarrativeScorpion
“NTA.”
“This is extremely strange behavior.”- atealein
“NTA and to quote iron maiden ‘run to the hillllls, run for your liiiiiife’.”- Low_Party_3163
“Make sure the door doesn’t hit your gf on her way out, of your life.”
“NTA.”- Emergency-Aardvark-6
“NTA.”
“She wants you to fire the woman you hired for 10 years for absolutely no reason.”
“You didn’t come here to ask if you were the a**hole, you came here to confirm that your new gf is controlling and crazy.”
“These kinds of people just get worse over time, btw.”- Kortezxero
“NTA.”
“Run away quickly.”
“Do not pass go, do not collect $200.”
“She is a walking red flag.”- Coonpath
“NTA.”
“Bro what?”
“New girlfriend is either insanely jealous and controlling, resents the fact that you have the income to pay for your housekeeper, or is playing some stupid game.”
“Any which way, ditch the GF and keep the housekeeper.”- your-mom04605
“NTA.”
“I’d be happy seeing you have a housekeeper.”
“House would be tidy and clean, and if I were to move in at one point, I wouldn’t be the default maid.”
“You are not losing your mind.”
“Get yourself a better gf.”- Apprehensive_Elk212
“NTA.”
“Now grow a metaphorical pair.”
“I’ll be blunt: someone cute is (probably) having sex with you, so your brain has almost shut down.”
“It can happen to anyone.”
“I’ve been there.”
“But you gotta stand up for yourself before you forget who you are.”
“People do have surprisingly strong feelings about hiring cleaning help.”
“As a middle-class kid, I felt weird about it when we first agreed to book a cleaning service.”
“And I expressed those feelings.”
“But I was a long-term household member when I did that, not a one-month romantic interest.”
“And I didn’t do it dismissively.”
“We decided to go ahead, and now a former college football player does a meticulous job every two weeks so that my wife and I have enough time to pursue our jobs, side hustles, and interests.”
“He’s awesome, and we treat him accordingly.”
“Let me take her side for a minute,e though.”
“You guys have a big difference in values, and she told you early.”
“That’s kind of a service on her part.”
“As long as you get the message.”
“If she persists in being so dismissive of your life choices so early in the relationship, you guys are just not compatible.”- tommyrotten2
It’s not uncommon for people to be jealous of their partner spending time with a potential threat.
But to be jealous of someone who keeps their partner’s home clean is a bit less common.
Making demands this big only one month into a relationship is a pretty risky move.
And risks this big seldom pay off…