A guy surprised his girlfriend with a special weekend trip, and everything was initially fine starting out.
The surprise was on him, however, when a choice he made under the guise of courtesy in the middle of the night led to conflict.
He visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Direct_Wishbone4931 asked:
“AITA for leaving our hotel room to use the lobby toilet?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
I (M[ale] 24) am currently on a weekend away with my girlfriend (F[female] 23). I was really excited and planned this trip as a surprise, and she absolutely loved our first night out.”
“I took her for dinner, then we watched a live musical before heading back to the hotel.”
“This morning, I woke up at around 6am needing to use the toilet *really* badly. I’m talking, my stomach was making those super bad noises that usually indicate I’m going to stink the bathroom out for a few hours.”
The OP continued:
“My GF always starts her days with a shower, so not wanting to make the bathroom smell really bad, I snuck out to use the lobby toilet. I was probably gone a good half hour, but when I came back my girlfriend was in tears.”
“Crying about me leaving, saying what if someone broke in, why I didn’t tell her I was going, what if something happened while I was gone, to me or her etc.”
“I was really confused by the reaction and explained that I would have made the place smell really bad, and didn’t want to ruin her morning with literal ‘sh*t.’ “
“She didn’t really care, and insisted I should have woken her up, left a note, just gone in our bathroom etc.”
“Am I missing something? I don’t understand. AITA? Am I being oblivious to something really obvious?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA.”
“Your GFs reaction was over the top. Could she not have called you? It sounds like you were trying to be very considerate of her needs here by not taking up the bathroom forever and stinking up the joint.”
“To me, this raises concerns about either her maturity level or her mental health (or both). Either way, I’d be re-evaluating the relationship. Do you need a partner who melts down at the unexpected and wants you to be glued to her 24/7 unless you’re keeping her posted as to your whereabouts at all times? Ugh, no thank you.” – Stubborn_Future_118
“Yeah. While OP probably should have texted her when he disappeared for half an hour, her thumbs work too. I accidentally disappear on my husband like this sometimes, and he just texts, ‘where did you go?’ No tears involved.” – etds3
“I don’t think he needed to text her at all tbh. OP didn’t say what type of room it was but assuming it was a standard hotel room, there’s not really anything he can do in there without disturbing the GF sleeping so it’s pretty logical that if he work up before her he’d leave the room even without the whole bathroom explanation.”
“I always do this, wake up well before my wife and go out and take a walk, hit the gym, get a coffee, take a sh*t, whatever and when she’s awake she texts me and we meet up. And when we stay in vacation hotels and resorts it’s very obvious that many others are doing the same because I see tons of 1/2 of couples at the coffee shop, gym, lobby.”
“OP’s GF’s expectation that he is just sitting there silently in the dark waiting for her to wake for what could be hours is just insane immature entitled movie behavior expectation stuff. The stuff about breaking in is the only out I can give her, maybe she’s not used to being away and is anxious?”
“It’s honestly weird enough that I’d explain myself and let it slide one time because it’s so out of the ordinary but if anything like that happened again I’d be out.” – dreamingtree1855
“Yeah, this sounds like a trauma response. (I live with cPTSD.) It doesn’t make her a bad person, but it does mean she needs help or this can develop into an unhealthy dynamic. (Imho it already is becoming that.)”
“If her parents split, or someone she cared about passed, or close friends ghosted her – that and so many other things can cause these kinds of issues. I hope she gets the help she needs and deserves.” – rievealavaix
“I dated a girl who would act like this about leaving her, and I come to learn both her and her sister have severe abandonment issues. Things like going to an event (party/club/wedding), and being physically away from them for more than 10 minutes if unplanned would seriously unhinge them, to the point of screaming and crying once we were alone.”
“I distinctly remember coming to her place one day where she lived with her sister, and her sister had just had a fight with her bf, and my gf was just sitting there in shock. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she overheard her sister fighting with her bf, and it was because he ‘left her’ when they went to a restaurant to take a work call.”
“She said her sister kept screaming ‘you left me alone!!!!,’ which is what my gf would always say when we fought. My gf looks at me and asks if she’s like that, and I don’t answer because she already knows the answer.”
“You’re 100% right it’s probably a mental problem, and something happened to OP’s SO that has caused this. I’m no longer with the girl I mentioned in my comments because she had significant mental issues, with the abandonment being a minor one, and her inability to control her anger and resentment being a f’king elephant in the room sized one.”
“But with mental issues, if your SO doesn’t get professional help, it’s unlikely that it will get better.” – fenix1230
“NTA. I dated a guy who explained that his anger and yelling was because of abandonment/war veterans trauma. And thought the explanation was the final word – I was supposed to suck it up and let him traumatize me because he had been traumatized, cue endless cycle. I noped right out of that, even as a stupid 20-year-old. “
“No one gets a pass to abuse another person. They need to deal with their issue, not ask for someone to just take it. There are supportive things you can ask for, even understanding certain triggers.”
“But the triggers can’t be life alteringly broad like never leaving them and becoming their support animal. It can never include being screamed at or dramatic scenes being played out at your expense over and over. But I have REASONS for being a nightmare is a red flag.” – dontlikebeige
“NTA. I’m not sure what is up with some of the reactions. You didn’t ‘wander off,’ it was 6am and you literally went to the bathroom to take a sh!t. Imagine being dead asleep and being woken up because your partner tells you that they are going to go take a sh!t? It sounds freaking ridiculous. The fact that you didn’t want to stink up the hotel room was pretty considerate.”
“Did you take your phone with you? If she just naturally woke up sometime between 6-6:30, instead of sitting there crying, maybe she should have texted you to see where you are.” – _iamstardust_
“NTA. My partner and I literally had an argument about this a couple of days ago. I WANTED him to use the lobby toilet in the future. The smell had me gagging in the actual room, not just the bathroom. I would have loved on you for being so considerate, really.”
“If I woke up and you were gone I would probably just think you are getting coffee or something. If I wanted to know, I’d text you. Your girlfriend’s reaction is abnormal, sounds like she has some sort of trauma?” – AffectionateWombat
“NTA, I wouldn’t be really bothered by her being upset or take it very personally. Some people just react to stuff like that, I’m guessing she probably calmed down and doesn’t wanna talk about it now, because that was a silly reaction. There are no murderers lurking the hallways of the Hilton, if a meteor hit the hotel, you couldn’t do much anyway, and would she really like you to wake her up to tell her youre pooping?”
“But next time, leave a note because you love her, and it does be like that sometimes – are you an @ss for not somehow informing her? Of course not. Would you be an @ss if, seeing how much something irrelevant like this upset her, you do it again? Yeah, probably, why would you want her feeling like that, particularly when she’s asking for something that requires no effort?”
“It’s not about whether you or I realize ‘things are ok, what’s the big deal?’, it’s about helping her not have to be all anxious.” – Candid-Internal1566
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was being very considerate by excusing himself to use a different facility from the one where a lingering odor of the aftermath would envelop his girlfriend.
While a text could’ve allayed her anxiety, Redditors thought her reaction was a little too dramatic and concerning and would warrant counseling.