Living with people who smell can be difficult.
There are many reasons why people smell.
Sometimes, it can’t be helped.
But if it can, a person may want to do something about it.
Pointing this out is a touchy subject.
Redditor Infamous_Benefit_380 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my son his girlfriend needs to shower more or move out?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
I (45 F[emale]) am okay with my adult son (23 M[ale]) living at home to save money.”
“Recently, his g[irl]f[riend] (27 F) moved in.”
“She has a very active job, and half the time she only showers in the morning.”
“She smells like old sweat when she comes home and lets herself smell that way until morning.”
“My husband, my teenage daughter, and I are sick of it, so I told my son his girlfriend needs to shower more or needs to move out.”
“My son called me controlling, mean, and a busybody.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole ?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but instead of suggesting she showers ‘more,’ you should suggest she showers after work in the evening instead of before work in the morning.”
“She’d still be clean in the morning for work, and she won’t be dirty/stinky the rest of the night when she gets home.” ~ LunaMay196
“Imagine reeking so badly that it affects everyone in the house!”
“I’m shocked your son doesn’t have an issue with it. NTA.” ~ Spare-Article-396
“Honestly, if she’s not paying rent, she shouldn’t be living there; your son should not bring his girlfriend there to live on you and your husband.”
“Your son apparently doesn’t mind her stinking ass, so honestly, he’s part of the problem.”
“It’s your home, you make the rules, until they can afford their own place, and they both would have income so they both could afford a place, until they can afford a place to play house, then you make the rules!” ~ TrifleGlittering9778
“I see some people defending this.”
“There was a time when I had three jobs and took four showers a day.”
“I also live in a tropical climate. (that matters).”
“Having your furniture professionally cleaned doesn’t always take the smell out.”
“I have owned a carpet cleaning company, too.”
“She needs to shower after work.”
“If she wants to shower once a day, it needs to be after work.”
“Not before.”
“Oh, NTA.” ~ JuJu-Petti
“I had a b[oy]f[riend] who changed from showering in the morning to showering after work because he was a cook in a restaurant.”
“I didn’t even need to say anything; he said he felt gross after work.”
“It’s not like between showering at night and his shift made him stink.”
“She should just shower after work if she only wants to shower once a day.” ~ Mirewen15
“Generally NTA, but your approach seems to be pretty cold to hot.”
“Like nothing, no mentions then suddenly ‘shower more or she’s kicked out.'”
“Where was the progression?”
“I think it’s valid to request her to shower more, but for the seemingly first and only request being an ultimatum with the threat of getting kicked out seems unnecessary.” ~ dvdevise
“Exactly. Not the a**hole for bringing it up and being honest.”
“But definitely an a**hole for how he approached his son and the way in which it was put across.”
“No need for going straight for an ultimatum.”
“That is a**hole behavior.” ~ FinalForm91
“She could easily shower at night and bird bath in the morning.”
“Nobody wants to relax smelling somebody’s work musty a**.”
“I’m mad for you, like, why are you sitting across from me smiling and smelling like a Subway shop. NTA.” ~ JustAHeckinCutie
“NTA. You are okay with your son living at home to save money.”
“If he wants to have his girlfriend live with him, and shower how frequently or infrequently she likes, he should move out.”
“If you want to be an adult and live with your lady how you want with no rules, you can’t be doing that in someone else’s home.” ~ No_Stairway_Denied
“NTA. Your adult son needs to understand that it’s YOUR house, so it’s YOUR rules.”
“I’d even tell her she smells bad and needs to shower.”
“If they don’t like it they can live elsewhere.” ~ Jiffah_
“NTA. That’s so filthy to go to bed like that.”
“Really easy for her to switch to an evening shower.”
“Once you’re hygiene affects others, you should know you’re doing something wrong… lol.” ~Flat-Replacement4828
“NTA. But maybe not have it be an ultimatum right away.”
“THAT is what your son is offended by.”
“Did you privately talk to her?”
“Or at least gently talked to your son about it first, bringing it up as a hygiene concern and mentioning the odor is lingering around the house.”
“If they refuse gentle criticism, then the ultimatum is called for.” ~ Main-Feature-1829
“NTA. Tell your son, she either showers when she gets home from work and stops stinking up your house, or they can look for another place to live.” ~ Spiritual-TarHeel
“NTA. You’re doing them a favor by letting them live there.”
“She should respect your wishes to keep your house smelling the way you’d like it.”
“I do want to make sure this is a legit issue with you, and the rest of the house, and not something you might be exaggerating cause you don’t like the GF.”
“Possible simple solution: She waits to shower until she gets home.” ~ ChkYrHead
“Absolutely NOT TA!”
“It’s your house and your lifestyle, and she can adjust to YOUR rules or, at 27 and 23, they can both move out and get their own place.”
“It’s THAT simple.”
“Talk about weak!”
“Step up, boy, and tell your girl she needs to shower after work.”
“Talk about controlling by trying to call YOU controlling?”
“Grow a pair, kid.” ~ TiredOfTheOldLife
“NTA. The housing market is expensive and difficult, but that doesn’t mean people should just freeload off their parents forever.”
“If you own the house, you’re doing them a favor – they need to be respectful of that.”
“Also, literally no reason for her not to quickly rinse off if she’s not even paying for the water bill!” ~ Auspicious_Denizen
“NTA. This isn’t even a ‘your house, your rules’ situation.”
“This is a roommate situation.”
“If your roommate is stinking up your house and sitting on YOUR furniture when sweaty, they need to change their habits or find different roommates who are okay with that sort of thing.” ~ ThisTooWillEnd
“NTA. But go to her directly and tell her either she showers when she gets home from a shift, or she stays in their room until she feels like cleaning up for the day.”
“The thought of her sitting on your furniture like that is 🤮.” ~ Usual-Role-9084
“NTA. She doesn’t understand how offensive her smell is because the brain filters out smells that are there all the time.”
“But your son does understand. If he isn’t comfortable telling her that she needs a shower, and you are not comfortable telling her that she needs a shower, then why exactly is he living with her?”
“Is she prone to violence or something?” ~ Sonsangnim
“NTA, it’s horrible having to confront someone about body odor, so I can’t imagine your son hasn’t noticed.”
“If you eat together, maybe try to suggest to her when she gets in from work that she has enough time to have a shower before it’s ready?”
“He’s maybe worried how it’ll come across if he brings it up to her.” ~ lkb1892
“NTA. Basic hygiene is non-negotiable.”
“Tell him if he wants a stinky partner, he can live with them in his own place.”
“There’s no need for all of you to suffer.” ~ der_lodije
“NTA. Your house, your rules.”
“Is she paying rent?”
“If not, the least she can do is shower after work so she doesn’t smell bad.”
“Either that or she goes into their room and does not come out again until the next morning after she has showered.”
“If your son and gf don’t like it, they can go live elsewhere.” ~ jindoowner
“NTA. It’s your house, and you shouldn’t have to smell some stinky woman walking around.”
“Your son needs to realize that it’s a blessing you’re letting him live in your home to save money.”
“I say take the hose to his stinky girlfriend if she refuses to shower.” ~ Captain_Tubesceamer
“NTA. Like girl, it’s your house if someone’s out here marinating in their own funk after work and just vibing on the couch all evening… nah, absolutely not.”
“You’re not demanding she scrubs the floors with a toothbrush, just… take a damn shower after a sweaty shift.”
“That’s just basic hygiene and respect for everyone else in the house.”
NTA. You said what needed to be said.” ~ dunkenbabyyy
“Your house.”
“Busy body or not… a**hole or not… your house.”
“I don’t accept the premise of your question.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re an a**hole.”
“The guest showers per your expectations or leaves.’
“You don’t have to be uncomfortable or tolerate the unwanted in your house.”
“If you can’t be comfortable in your own home, then where will you be?”
“It’s not more complicated than that.”
“She showers more frequently or leaves.” ~ Papa-Cinq
Reddit understands your frustration, OP.
Personal hygiene is imperative.
If someone is living in your house and they refuse to be clean, you have every right to make demands.
It’s YOUR house.
Hopefully, your son will come around.
And his GF will start a different hygiene routine.