Something that is often all too frequently overlooked when couples begin to share a home, is that they also must now share their homes financial responsibility.
While some couples tend to just make it easy, and split all finances 50/50, others might choose what they consider to be a more equitable option.
Such as splitting payments according to their income, or if one of them is the primary breadwinner, one person handling all the finances.
Initially, Redditor Living_Buffalo_6 and his girlfriend both paid rent on a proportional scale, based off their income.
However, when both of them saw a significant change in their finances, the original poster (OP)’s girlfriend felt a change in how they divided the rent and bills was necessary.
Something the OP disagreed with wholeheartedly.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for expecting my girlfriend to pay proportional rent and bills?”
The OP explained why they were not in favor of their girlfriend’s desire to change their current payment plan with their rent and bills.
“I (29 M[ale]) have lived together with my girlfriend (29 F[emale]) for three years.”
“We have always split bills and rent proportional to income (she introduced this idea and explained why she supports its equitable breakdown) and we both do chores and housework equally.”
“Up until a month ago, I earned almost double her income.”
“However, my company has been doing pay cuts and my girlfriend recently got a major promotion, so now she makes about 50% more than I do.”
“However, now she wants us to ‘either keep the rent/bills pay distribution as it was before’ (as in she pays 35% and I pay 65%) or she ‘will pay 50/50, max’.”
“I asked her why we are not doing proportional splits anymore and she said I should just be grateful that she is flexible enough to upend her finances for me and split it 50/50.”
“She’s been cold with me recently and told me she shouldn’t have to punish herself for her financial successes and that my ‘lack of adaptability is off putting’.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for want to keep the proportional rent agreement he had with his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s girlfriend was being selfish and unfair, and was only thinking of herself, with many even urging the OP to question whether or not staying in this relationship was a good idea.
“So it’s appropriate to pay proportionally when you make more than she does, but 50/50 when she makes more than you?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“That doesn’t work.”
“NTA.”- Intelligent-Prune-33
“NTA.”
“She’s counting on this not being something you want to break up over.”
“TBH if I was you, this WOULD be the hill I die on.”
“F that.”- gnothro
“This is absolutely relationship-ending behavior.”
“She showed you who the top priority will ALWAYS be – herself.”
“NTA.”- 6felt9
“NTA.”
“Ah yes, when it works for her, it’s a great idea.”
“When it works against her well, now not so great.”
“She is the only AH here.”
“Why would you keep it as is?”
“If 50/50 is your best offer, then take it.”
“Better still, 100/0 where you look after yourself and leave her to find another sap to pay for her life.”- alien_overlord_1001
“NTA.”
“But she’s showing you who she is. It was only a good idea when it was for her benefit, and now that it wouldn’t be, it no longer is.”
“This is not someone I’d continue a relationship with. They’re not about equality; they’re about themselves.”- theferal1
“‘Thank you very much for subsidizing my life for the past three years.'”
“‘Unfortunately, now I earn more than you, I have decided that you can f*ck off, you loser, for I am considerably richer than you’.”
“Your ‘lack of adaptability’? Her f*cking selfishness beats your ‘lack of adaptability’ hands down.”
“If everything else in the relationship is rosy, this is a topic that needs further discussion.”
“If there are already difficulties in the relationship, this is a major signal that things have just got worse, perhaps terminally.”
“What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.”
“If she was happy for you to pay the lion’s share while you were earning more, then she should be willing to do the same.”
“NTA and good luck finding a new apartment.”- Funkyzebra1999
“NTA.”
“She has one foot out the door already and is trying to save money for the inevitable breakup.”
“Get out now.”- LostandParanoid
“If it was good enough for her when she had to pay less, then it still should be good now, given that the idea was hers to begin with.”
“It’s completely unfair to change the agreement now that she’s realizing she’s expected to pay more.”
“NTA & I’d take this red flag she’s waving as a sign to end this relationship unless she actually realizes she’s being a hypocrite & sticks to the agreement that she wanted to begin with.”
“You honored your deal & now it’s her turn to put her money where her mouth is.”- DearOP_
“This sub is often quick to suggest breaking up, but be kind to yourself and ask yourself if this woman loves you.”
“NTA.”- ZookeepergameOwn1726
“NTA at all.”
“Yikes yikes yikes, red flags.”
“Big marinara flags over here.”- MassRevo
“Well she didn’t have any problem punishing you for your financial successes earlier.”
“NTA.”- 1_shootingstar
“NTA.”
“Red flags everywhere.”
“She is one of those people who want everything equal till they are the one getting the benefits.”
“She showed her true colors.”
“Dump her. You deserve better.”
“Next she will gaslight you and blame you for the entire problem.”- Witty-Independent629
“NTA.”
“Sounds like she wanted it to be proportional when it suited her only, and she sounds like a damn hypocrite if she wants to talk about your lack of adaptability.”
“This is hugely indicative of how she values money over you.”- Mobile_Prune_3207
“NTA, how ridiculous.”
“Sit her down and ask her to justify it to your face.”
“I would fall right out of love if she repeated that bullsh*t.”
“Tell her it’s hypocritical, and you don’t understand why the rules are different for her than it is for you.”
“Be prepared for the relationship to end.”- yungsemite
“NTA.”
“Time to find a partner who values your happiness and not just your money.”- LauchieApparently
“Bye-bye gf.”
“She’s not the one.”- fokcretinlego
“1000% Huge red flag.”
“Your girlfriend is supposed to be your partner.”
“This is some Heisenberg sh*t.”- orangesaffron
“NTA.”
“Sorry, my dude.”
“Relationship is over.”
“She def doesn’t respect you anymore and just seems like she’s checked out.”
“It happens.”
“But it’s best to end things now before you waste more time on this dead relationship.”
“Best wishes.”
“Please provide an update with how everything plays out.”- NectarineNational722
“‘Congratulations on your financial success.'”
“‘Enjoy paying 100% of the rent and bills’.”
“NTA.”- KittKatt1988
“NTA.”
“Proportional means proportional, not just when it benefits her.”- Kathryn_Painway
“Hang on.”
“I don’t think it’s YOU who is showing a lack of adaptability.”
“NTA.”- Icy_Session3326
“NTA.”
“It sounds to me like she wants a breakup because that’s so patently unreasonable.”-Steelguitarlane
“’I have been thinking about it, and I see what you mean about 50-50 being the maximum reasonable division of household expenses when one partner makes more than the other’.”
“‘Now you point it out, I can see why the idea upsets you’.”
“‘Honestly, I’m quite upset now too’.”
“‘Since it’s unreasonable now, that means it has been all along’.”
“‘I’m sad and hurt that you only noticed it was unfair and unreasonable when it would take more of your money instead of more of mine, and I’m feeling pretty bad about being a doormat about it, but now we have a chance to fix it and move forward fairly’.”
“’So, here is how much money you owe me for three years in which I was paying 15% more than 50-50′.”
“‘I’ll be expecting x amount per month until you have repaid me; or we can adjust by you paying 100% of our living expenses for y months, which will come out the same’.”
“‘I’ve factored in for interest and inflation since my having less money all along has cost me more than just the unfair amount I’ve been paying.'”
“‘Once you’ve settled up what you owe me, maybe we should discuss why you were happy with three years of major unfairness toward me and were happy to punish me for my financial successes’.”
“‘We can split the couple’s counseling costs 50-50’.”
“‘She will promptly make it absolutely clear to you that she’s the a**hole if you suggest her making you whole for the situation she’s decided was unreasonable all along’.”
“‘If it’s an unreasonable request now, then it’s been an unreasonable request the whole time.”
“You’re NTA, and I’m sorry, but your relationship is absolutely over.”
“She’s been exploiting you badly.”
“It’s unlikely you’ll get your money back, but you can at least protect yourself from spending anything else on her now you know the sort of person she is.”- GuacGuacDuck
It is awfully suspicious that the OP’s girlfriend could so suddenly become against the idea of proportionately splitting the bills just when she finds herself making more money than the OP.
Making it seem fairly clear that she was only for the idea if it worked in her favor.
She better think carefully about standing her ground, for if the OP does follow the advice of the Reddit community, she very likely might find herself paying 100% of the rent.