Hygiene and cleanliness are personal issues that not everyone will see eye to eye on.
With this in mind, it is important to respect people’s personal habits, and they will hopefully respect our own in return.
Differing views on hygiene and cleanliness can get complicated, however, when it’s between romantic partners.
Particularly between romantic partners who live together.
The partner of Redditor Ok_Platypus_1896 recently came down with a minor medical condition that she needed the original poster (OP)’s help treating.
While the OP was more than happy to help, they did so by taking certain precautions.
Precautions that their partner did not appreciate.
Concerned they might have been insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for using gloves before applying a cream to my Girlfriend’s back?”
The OP explained his help with his girlfriend’s treatment was not fully appreciated:
“We’re students, living together but away from our respective parents, (20 M[ale], 20 F[emale]), Germany.”
“Recently she got a very mild skin infection (some redness and itching) near her lumbar curve area in the back.”
“Coin-sized area.”
“Doctor said it’s common, caused by sweat (most probably) as we both go to Gym.”
“A common cream is prescribed to her to apply before sleep.”
“Obviously, she can’t apply it properly at that area herself, so I’m doing it.”
“But I cover my finger with piece of a plastic polythene.”
“Because I’m a very squeamish person and get easily grossed out by certain things like visible infections, dandruff etc.”
“I was born with this trait.”
“I can’t apply any type of cream to another person with bare hands, unless there’s no other option.”
“Everything went smooth for 2-3 days, but today she told me today that she’s disappointed that I got easily ‘disgusted’ by her health issue and that I’m doing all this drama (covering my finger) just to apply just a regular, normal cream to my partner.”
“I was internally pissed, because I was doing what I could but still got to hear this.”
“I went to the checkup with her, myself remember to apply the cream daily, and never expressed all this to her.”
“I mentioned it here just for context.”
“But I kept cool at first, told her about my squeamish nature (even though I told her before) but she said she feels bad that I’m behaving as if she has become untouchable and that I shouldn’t have made her feel that way.”
“I was totally fumed at that point, told her that she’s being too dramatic and ungrateful, clearly told her how BAD I feel even though I made efforts without showing and she can apply the cream herself then.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for wearing latex gloves while applying ointment to their girlfriend’s back.
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP was being responsible, and preventing her rash from spreading further, even if some felt that he could have handled things a little more delicately:
“‘She got a very mild skin infection’.”
“She has an active infection… you’re not just stopping the spread to yourself, but keeping her skin clean.”
“NTA.”- Discount_Mithral
“NTA.”
“for the gloves but TA for your emotional tantrum calling her dramatic.”
“You’re the squeamish one with the gloves after all.”
“Something with glass houses.”
“Honestly doesn’t sound like you respect each other.”- SeaDragon113
“NTA.”
“You’re just wearing gloves to cream an infected area nothing wrong with that.”- Far-Creme-7309
“NTA.”
“Many creams and such say to use gloves.”
“You could also apply with a q tip.”
“I think its her own insecurity making her upset that you feel the need to wear gloves.”
“I wouldn’t say that to her though.”
“Lol.”- Own-Crazy8086
“NTA.”
But did anyone else not get past the part where she can’t apply cream to a coin sized area of her lumbar back?? Upper back I understand but she cant reach that?? She’s 20 and works out, she can twist her back and look.
I literally just herniated a couple discs in my lower back. I couldn’t walk for a week and I’m still barely mobile. I’m 26F, healthy, I lift and I can reach that, EASILY. I’m massaging a 2sq ft area/day! I have eczema too. I’ve been having to put my own creams on, in places I can’t see, for years.
What do you mean she “obviously” can’t apply her own coin sized amount of cream on her back properly? It’s a mild infection, her back isn’t broken
Regardless, NTA. If anything you’re helping her by keeping it sterile.”- dogsandwhiskey
“You don’t want her medicine to get on your skin.”
“You don’t want any germs you have on your hands to contribute to her mild infection.”
“It’s GOOD PRACTICE to wear gloves.”
“I wear gloves when I’m applying medicine to my wife.”
“I don’t want to be dosed with that medicine.”
“It’s just common sense.”
“NTA.”- KingBretwald
“NTA.”
“It’s a medicated cream presumably so you should be wearing gloves.”
“And frankly anytime you’re helping anyone out medically you should be wearing gloves for everyone’s health and safety.”- Ok-disaster2022
“NTA.”
“Many meds can be absorbed through the skin.”
“My trainer almost blew out her kidneys from applying an over the counter cream/ointment.”- mooraff
“NTA for using gloves, but YTA for getting pissed at her for voicing her insecurities.”
“She was being vulnerable by saying this and the fact that you were ‘fuming’ about that seems like a really defensive reaction.”
“Why did this evoke so much anger?”- daniorerioL
“NTA.”
“You SHOULD be using a glove or a q-tip for application of the cream.”
“It would be gross and unsanitary if you didn’t!”- Ribeye_steak_1987
“NTA and I need to start doing this in general.”
“My husband has me lotion his back and I absolutely loathe the feeling of lotion between my fingers.”
“I also hate that it just gathers there and then I have to use it and it’s always too much.”
“Lol.”- Still-Degree8376
“NTA.”
“Wearing gloves protects both of you.”
“Your squeamishness is irrelevant.”
“You’d be a fool not to wear gloves.”
“This isn’t about love or intimacy.”
“This is a medical service and should be treated accordingly.”
“I’ve been a long-term primary caregiver for a spouse.”
“I took all the precautions and standards that the nurses and aides followed for both open wounds and dermatology issues.”- waterstone55
“NTA.”
“PPE protects both of you.”
“Her from further infection, and you from the possibility of it being contagious.”- krikspykreme
“NTA for the gloves.”
“Totally dumb for not having the sense to frame it as ‘this is prescription medicine, I shouldn’t get it on my skin since it’s not prescribed for me’ instead of ‘ooh you’re icky, you’re grossing me out’.”-ZweitenMal
“NTA.”
“You probably should use gloves regardless of whether you are squeamish or not.”
“I use gloves when I have to apply prescription skin cream.”
“Why?”
“Because even after washing my hands, the residue is still on there and I inevitably get in my eyeball by touching my eyes or on my lips (and it tastes terrible).”
“If you wear gloves, you can avoid all of this.”
“Some people are icked out by skin conditions.”
“You can’t really help that and you’ve found away around it to help your gf.”
“Your gf shouldn’t make you feel bad.”- Turbulent_Cow2355
There were some, however, who had trouble sympathizing with. either the OP or his girlfriend, feeling he could have been a little more delicate, but that her reaction wasn’t warranted:
“ESH for how the conversation went.”
“You both escalated needlessly.”
“Point out that doing this also protects her, keeping the infection free from anything that might be on your hands other than the cream.”- embopbopbopdoowop
There were also those who didn’t feel there was an a**hole in this situation, understanding why the OP wore gloves, but also why their girlfriend might have been put off:
“NAH.”
“You can and should wear gloves, AND you shouldn’t be so upset about this.”
“This is how I see this conversation going in a healthy relationship.”
“‘Hey, I’m feeling insecure about this because it feels like you are grossed out by me’.”
“‘Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you would feel that way. Honestly you know I’m a little squeamish and I was just thinking about keeping everything clean so the infection doesn’t get worse’.”
“‘That makes sense. I guess I just needed some validation that it’s just about that and not about some other negative feelings towards me’.”
“‘Of course it isn’t, and I am happy to help out! Next time something like this comes up I’ll be more proactive about communicating my needs on this’.”- Aur3lia
It’s easy on the surface level to see how the OP’s girlfriend might have been offended.
She simply let her emotions get the better of her.
As did the OP.
Had this been discussed calmly, and more civilly, it’s safe to say that the daily ointment routine would not be the hot button issue it has become.