I do not ask for things.
I absolutely hate doing it and feel horrible when I do so.
There are so many unopened pickle jars in my house.
So, when someone asks for something from me, I take this as a solemn and sacred duty, and I do everything within my power to oblige whatever that request was
So what happens when someone makes a request of you and your efforts are thoroughly ignored?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Remarkable_Sea_4546 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for being upset with the clothes my granddaughter wore on her way out of the maternity ward?”
First, introductions.
“I know it sounds silly, but I would like an outside opinion and accept any judgment.”
“I have 4 children and 5 grandchildren.”
Then we got to the specifics.
“For all of my grandchildren, I made knitted clothes and hats for them to come out of the maternity ward.”
“It started with my first grandchild and all the ones that followed. My kids asked me to do it.”
“It is customary in my country for clothes to be a certain color to represent something good (health, peace, and protection).”
“I don’t do it professionally and I work, so it’s something I do in my spare time and it takes months because I do it with all the love and care.”
“Nor do I force my children to accept it. Most ask right after they announce the pregnancy if I can make the clothes.”
“My oldest daughter, I’ll call Pam, announced that she was pregnant and asked me to make it for her daughter (we found out later).”
“Clearly I did, she chose the color red, and honestly, it was one of the prettiest jobs I’ve ever done and finished within seven months of her pregnancy.”
“She gave birth about 20 days ago. My granddaughter was born healthy, perfect and bright.”
“I was heartbroken on the way out of the maternity ward when I found out that my granddaughter would not wear the clothes I made, but one that Pam got from her in-laws from a very expensive brand (like Gucci).”
“I didn’t say anything to her, but in a conversation with my son, I just vented that I was heartbroken about it and that I wouldn’t have any problems if she didn’t ask and I didn’t do it in the sense of exposing my daughter or anything.”
“But just after, my son insisted on me talking because he realized that I was a little down.”
“The word spread among my children until it reached Pam in the form of a scolding for someone else.”
“She called me angrily saying that she didn’t believe I was jealous of an clother and that her daughter could wear at any time, but that I decided to make this moment about me and not celebrate my granddaughter’s life.”
“I’m lost. I’m just heartbroken that I’ve been making something so lovingly for months for a specific moment and not been told at any point that she wouldn’t use it.”
“My family is divided, some criticizing me and others on my side.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
The point of the thing.
“NTA.”
“Everyone saying ‘there’s still time to wear the outfit’ are missing the point.”
“The outfit was for a specific event.”
“If you had been asked to make a prom dress, and spent hours and hours of your free time to make it, only for your daughter to wear a different dress to prom, no one would say ‘she can still wear it since other time.”‘
“Similar situation here.”
“While I agree that it would have been better that this news didn’t get to her from a third party, it’s understandable you aren’t as comfortable speaking with your daughter-in-law as you are your son.”
“This is how my family works: most often, my in-laws speak to my wife, and my family speaks to me about issues.” ~ hummvee69
“Yep.”
“She didn’t try to make it all about her like her daughter said.”
“She was upset and trusted her son with her complaints. People do need to vent sometimes.”
“I think it was very nice of OP to think of her daughter’s stress and not say anything at the hospital. NTA.” ~ Ok-Appearance-866
“Seriously.”
“The in-laws bought the baby a super expensive bougie baby outfit while grandma spent months, over half a year, making an outfit by hand in her spare time, as part of a long-running tradition.”
“For THIS EVENT SPECIFICALLY, BECAUSE HER DAUGHTER ASKED HER TO, and her own daughter flips the script and chooses the $$$ outfit that was probably bought in a store, packs it, and then asks grandma to put the baby in it.”
“So grandma is stuck dressing baby in the outfit she didn’t make, and then biting her tongue because her heart is crushed, because she knows this is about her daughter and not her.”
“This whole thing feels vindictive and cruel.” ~ Kamiface
Love is worth more than money.
“Honestly daughter or daughter-in-law doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t ask someone to spend hours of their time making something for you, only not to use it.”
“It’s just a**holish behaviour.”
“Every family, every culture, has their own traditions.”
“But if I asked someone to make an outfit for my kid, you bet I’d be putting that outfit on my baby.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked someone to make it, even specifying the color. It’s just super sad that OP’s daughter asked for it, then didn’t even bother using it.”
“Hell, I made a ragdoll for my little cousin when she was a baby.”
“I was like 15.”
“I had no money and couldn’t afford to buy a gift.”
“So I took spare material my grandmother had (she was a seamstress, and I asked permission before I took it) and sewed a ragdoll for my cousin.”
“It was such an ugly thing.”
“When I think back to it, I’m a bit embarrassed.”
“My sight is terrible, so the thing was lop-sided, and it’s arms were longer than its legs.”
“But my uncle took it, thanked me, and the next time I visited his house, his daughter was in her playpen, playing with that ugly ragdoll.”
“She still has it, and she’s 22 now.”
“Why?”
“Because even though it was ugly, my uncle appreciated the work that went into it, the love and care, and the time I spent on it.”
“It’s not about the outfit in this instance. It’s about not appreciating the time and effort that went into making that outfit. Add to that that the daughter asked OP, and it just makes it worse.”
~ LadyBladeWarAngel
“Seems to me Pam cares more about appearances and designer labels than she does about anything or anyone else.”
“She is never going to put her baby in the outfit her mother handmade for her, but if OP had slapped a Gucci label on it, it would be a winner.”
“When Pam has her second child, just buy her a 50$ pair of baby Channel booties and call it a day.” ~ Nodramallama18
The shades of gray.
“The question here is, why did she change her mind about what the baby wore?”
“Is there a ‘political’ reason she used the outfit from her in-laws?”
“There may be tensions there she hasn’t told you about.”
“I totally get you being upset, especially after she asked you to make the Going Home outfit. I am a knitter and know the amount of time it takes, even for baby clothes.”
“You are NTA for being upset; however, I think YTA for talking with a son instead of Pam about it; your son for spreading it around to others;”
“ESH for taking sides without knowing the full story because things DO get misinterpreted when being gossiped about.” ~ txaesfunnytime
OP did return with some context.
“Yes, she asked for this.”
“I’ll give the context better and leave it to you.”
“I stayed with her through delivery and the following two weeks.”
“At their request, because my daughter was in pain from the c-section and my son-in-law was taking care of my granddaughter’s paperwork, I put the clothes on her.”
“There was a baby suitcase with the sets separated into packages and a label for what they were for.”
“There was only one for leaving the maternity, and there was that clother (and nothing else).”
“I even took a look at the suitcase and asked if it was that package, and she confirmed that it was what had these clothes.”
“And no, I didn’t comment on anything while I was there because she was really stressed, tired, and didn’t need a comment like this.”
“I didn’t comment with her, and I just commented with my son because it was an extremely personal with no intention of reaching Pam, but the word spread.”
Asking for help, directions, or a jar of pickles to be opened is not a bad thing.
We all need help sometimes, we all need an outside perspective, or we want a family tradition upheld.
Just remember that when someone puts in the effort for you, make sure you acknowledge it.
And, in this case, wear it with pride!