Grieving Man Kicks Girlfriend Out For Calling Him A 'Crybaby' After Young Niece Dies Of Cancer

When two people are dating, it's to be expected that they'll want to spend as much time together as possible.

But when a tragedy strikes, like an important family member being hospitalized, a person might have to cut back on their dating time for a while, reasoned the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit. A quality partner would be supportive of this, even if they wished they could have more time with their partner.

Redditor Educational_Server673 was devasted when his niece was diagnosed with cancer and spent as much time as he could with her and her parents.

When his girlfriend became critical of their time apart and even grinned when his niece passed away, the Original Poster (OP) felt himself beginning to question their relationship.

He asked the sub:

"AITAH for kicking my girlfriend out after she called me a crybaby for crying over my dead niece?"

The OP used to have a wonderful relationship with his girlfriend.

"I met my now-ex-girlfriend four years ago in college."

"Until now, she seemed like the type of woman I would want to marry. She was extremely kind, genuine, and generally a joy to be around."

"My big sister and her husband had a daughter at the beginning of our relationship, Lilly."

"I couldn't be more happy to be an uncle. Lilly was the cutest thing in the world to me."

"I tried to be that 'cool uncle' for her and would always try to find time for her. My sister would regularly bring her over to my place for me to babysit when she had something going on."

"My girlfriend, to my knowledge, also seemed to get along fine with her and wouldn't be against babysitting her with me."

"The best moment I shared with her was when my sister showed me a drawing my niece made about me in kindergarten. I was literally on the verge of tears seeing that."

But then the OP's family received devastating news.

"A year ago, my world turned upside down when my sister gave me a call crying."

"That one sentence still rings in my head from time to time. She told me Lilly was diagnosed with leukemia. To say I was devastated would be an understatement."

"The past year was really tough for all of us. I spent most of my free time with my sister and brother-in-law in the hospital. Seeing that poor girl with all those tubes attached to her really broke my heart."

"I would regularly bring over balloons and make those balloon animals for her (I learned how to make those while working at a carnival when I was young)."

The OP's girlfriend clearly did not appreciate sharing attention with Lilly.

"As a result, I spent less time with my girlfriend. She seemed like she understood until Lilly's cancer grew worse. From Saturday to Sunday, I was either in the hospital or was drinking myself to sleep."

"Then my girlfriend just ignored me on our three-year anniversary. I bought her flowers, a cake, and made her a card. My girlfriend, on the other hand, didn't get me anything."

"I pressed her about it, and that's when she said something that probably was a sign of what was to come."

"She just told me, 'Well, it doesn't seem like you care, so why should I get something for someone who cares more about a child that's going to die anyway?'"

"I don't know what she was expecting. Long story short, I threatened to kick her out and to tell everyone I knew, including my sister (who is a close friend of hers), what she just told me."

"She apologized and told me that she wasn't thinking straight, and that something like this would never happen again."

"I eventually forgave her and we moved on."

The OP's girlfriend showed her true colors when Lilly lost her battle with cancer.

"My niece passed away last week and it's been the worst period of my life."

"I've basically been crying myself to sleep every day and have been spending a lot of time with my sister to console her."

"Something that caught me off-guard, though, was that my girlfriend seemed a bit too happy at the news of her passing. She just smiled and said, 'I'm so happy she isn't suffering anymore and is in a much better place now,' with a big grin on her face."

"Yesterday, I overheard her talking with one of her friends over the phone. I just came home from work and she didn't hear me walk in. I just heard, 'A real man wouldn't cry unless it's HIS child dying.'"

"That caught me off-guard and I kept on listening. She said some more awful things about me being a crybaby and how I shouldn't be so attached to a kid that isn't mine and so on."

The OP decided he was done.

"I loudly coughed to get her attention and just saw the life draining from her face."

"She tried all the 'let me explain' bulls**t, and I just told her to pack what's needed and I'll get her dad to come pick her up."

"After a solid hour of begging, she finally gave up and packed her things into a suitcase."

"Before leaving, she tried spitting at me but just ended up spitting on herself."

The family lashed out at the OP for ending the relationship.

"Her mom called me a few hours later, begging me to give her a second chance."

"I know I shouldn't have said this, but I just told her to go f**k herself and her mentally unstable daughter."

"I basically emptied half a bottle of Jack Daniel's that night and went to bed."

"I woke up today with texts from my sister. She told me my ex told her everything that happened and understood me kicking her out but I should consider giving her a second chance. She told me my ex seemed sincere in her apology to her."

"She asked what Lilly would have wanted. Not gonna lie, that kind of broke me. My niece loved my girlfriend and would always run to her and ask her to play Barbie with her."

"I feel like I shouldn't be upset if my sister forgave her, but at the same time, I feel hurt by her calling me a crybaby. Before the diagnosis, I've never really cried in front of her, and her comments hurt me deeply. I feel like I can never open up to anyone again, let alone her."

"Am I being irrational here? Should I forgive her?"

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some reassured the OP that he didn't have to give his girlfriend a second chance.

"NTA."

"I am so sorry for your loss, I don't have words! There is something really, really wrong with your ex. You deserve someone with a heart and a soul, she has neither. Not even decency, empathy, or anything."

"She exposed what she was. She even tried to spit on you."

"Your niece would want her fave uncle to have a loving partner. She did not know how evil your ex was."

"Go no contact with crazy and tell your sister she needs to respect it."

"I wish you all the best. You made your niece's life on earth so rich and wonderful and you will always have her in your heart as long as you live." - RunZombieBabe

"NTA. OP needs to remember that his ex also displayed a bad attitude on their third anniversary. She ignored him because he'd spent his dying niece more often than she was willing to share."

"And was his girlfriend with him during any of those visits, helping support the entire family, including his sister who was supposed to be a good friend of hers?" - Pristine_Table_3146

"The spitting, that was uncalled for, and that is an abuse tactics that escalate."

"I'll go ahead and say it, OP you are better off without her. To hold that opinion of you for grieving, she has no respect for you. I would suggest maybe telling your sister that you have no place in your life for someone who has no respect for you."

"I don't know about your personal beliefs, but this macho, 'real men don't cry' bulls**t is stupid. I have three kids and have been with my wife for 15 years, and I've cried over our kids with tears of happiness, worry, anger, etc. I've also cried from movies and conversations we've had."

"Sadness and grief are ALWAYS valid and that was uncalled for to talk about you like that." - CharacterInternet9

"There's a ZERO PERCENT CHANCE the girlfriend told OP's sister everything."

"OP, I would check in with your sister and see what she was told."

"You don't necessarily need to go into graphic details about the truth to your sister, but if she pushes back hard on your choice to break up (or wants to keep your ex as a personal friend of hers), you might need to at least let her know that your ex-girlfriend was not truthful about how the breakup happened or even how she treated you in the months leading up to it."

"Perhaps make it clear your ex said some horrifyingly nasty things about Lilly, without all the gory details. Your sister needs to know enough to stay away from your ex for her own good, but no mother needs to hear someone talk about their child (let alone a recently passed child) like that." - CatMoCatMo

"I'm so sorry for your family's loss, and can't imagine the pain you are feeling. My heart goes out to you and your family."

"As for your girlfriend and giving her another chance, while it is really your personal decision, for me I'd have to be a HARD NO! Not only did she minimize your grief and loss, but she mocked you for it."

"Not to mention, it is absolutely s**tty of her to contact your sister who just lost her child to manipulate her emotions to have to talk to you."

"Also, if your niece loved your girlfriend so much, it doesn't seem your girlfriend reciprocated those feelings. It's pretty sad that she can't see past her irritation of you lessening time with her to have a semblance or any empathy for you, your sister and brother-in-law, or your niece."

"Forgiveness is up to the person, your sister wants to let it go that is her decision, does not mean you need to follow suit."

"I do hope for you to reconsider the drinking you are using to ease the pain of the loss as well as the end of your relationship. Please consider grief counseling to work through your loss."

"I am keeping good thoughts for you and your family." - trvllvr

Others agreed and encouraged the OP to find a grieving outlet other than drinking.

"Very glad to see you're getting counseling, OP. Drinking doesn't help in the long run but you know that already. You sound self-aware and able to express your emotions, and that's a good thing for therapy."

"And trust me, when I lost my dad I dove deep into myself and shut myself off from everyone and everything. I regret it because I lost a lot of people I dearly loved. I still do, but don't know how to get back to what we had."

"Don't do what I did. Your ex is a bad person but not everyone is that cruel. It's okay to lean on other people if you need to, people who love you and want to be with you during bad times and good."

"It's going to hurt right now, and it'll be terrible because it's so tragic. It's so unfair. But you did everything you possibly could to make that little girl's life happy, you're a good man." - thebearofwisdom

"I can't relate to losing your niece, I know I would be devastated if I lost my niece or nephews."

"I've been almost a year sober (tomorrow actually) and at the beginning of my journey, I lost my uncle. It wrecked me and I almost relapsed. The best thing I did was talking to people, my friends and family were my greatest allies. I know not everyone has that, but if you can build a strong support group around you, they can keep you from falling."

"Even after a year, the loss of my uncle doesn't hurt less, some days are just easier than others. Build that support and know that you can do it. Do it for you, do it for your niece. You got this." - WorldlyFlair1987

"I was never a drinker. I would maybe drink one beer in six months. But after my Mom died, I started drinking wine almost every day, drinking beer every other day."

"I thought trying to avoid going to parties with friends and cutting off alcohol completely would help, but it just made the cravings stronger."

"It took some time, intervention from friends and family, and also therapy. I also made an accountable buddy."

"I hid nothing from her. If I lapsed, I would tell her. If I was sober for a whole day, I would tell her."

"Slowly, she would ask me, let's do three days and then a week."

"Also, I gave my accountable buddy my house keys. If she ever wanted to drop in and check if I kept a bottle under the sink and things like that But she never did, and told me this only later when I was completely sober for three months."

"I owe so much to that friend..."

"I really hope you overcome this habit. I saw your other post, and I wish you all the strength, OP." - yawa18

"Hi man, about the drinking, I started small. First, grief with your loved ones. Give yourself time to cry and heal. We are here for you!"

"Second, do not establish any new relationships now. I would recommend NOT going back to your ex-girlfriend. She has proven she will not change. You gave her a second chance already."

"Your relationship has to be with your process of grief and healing for a year. Get rid of all alcohol bottles in the house, you can keep them to show they have no power over you. But that's when you are solid in your new state."

"Address the emptiness with family time and joy. Get love, and bit by bit, you'll see you were drinking perhaps because something was missing (a loving and understanding partner, perhaps?). You don't need a partner but one who actively erodes you is BAD."

"Lastly, give yourself love and compassion. We all are works in progress. Commit to not drinking tomorrow. Then if you do it, agree with yourself to not drink again the next day. One day at a time. Love you man! I'm here if you need to chat." - farawayfaculty

"Cancer is a b***h when people survive. Cancer taking a child is h**l, and with an ex like yours..."

"I don't think you're an alcoholic yet, OP. I think grief counseling, a grief support group and maybe some antidepressants will help you more than AA or alcohol."

"I am so sorry for your loss, OP. Put down the alcohol and let yourself grieve both your niece and your relationship. It's not wrong to cry. It's not wrong to rage. It's not wrong to share stories and laugh."

"P.S. Smash rooms (also called rage rooms) are great for the anger of grief." - Accurate_Self3390

After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update with the promise for more in the future.

"I just want to thank all of you. Seeing how my story touched so many people, truly means the world to me."

"I originally posted here to get another perspective on how I could have handled things better and If I was being irrational by kicking out my ex. I couldn't bring this up to my family for obvious reasons, and I have a friend who posted on this subreddit regarding something similar and he told me he received some not-so-good advice but also a ton of great advice. I'm so glad I chose to post here."

"The amount of messages I have received is overwhelming. I want to thank those for sharing their personal experiences and ways they dealt with grief with me. I apologize for taking so long to respond to messages. I've received over a hundred messages to date. I want to give each message the same amount of care you guys showed me."

"I have received several screenshots of people donating to leukemia research charities, and I'm truly beyond grateful. I don't deserve any of this."

"The past 48 hours have definitely been some of the darkest and bleakest of my life. You guys helped me so much. I wish there was a way I could thank you all personally but I would be here till the end of time doing that."

"I'll be posting an update as soon as I've cut the alcohol and me and my family are in a better place mentally. I owe it to you guys."

"Again thank you from the bottom of my heart."

The subReddit could understand how debilitating grief could be, and they could not imagine how much harder it would be to navigate with someone like the OP's ex-girlfriend at their side.

Not only did they agree that the OP's ex did not deserve a second chance, but they also thought that the OP's sister and extended family deserved to know the truth about her once they'd had a little more time to grieve.