Men’s hairstyles tend to be less diverse than women’s, but they don’t need to be. Men can grow their hair as long as women and style it any way they want.
But some people still consider only close cropped cookie cutter coifs to be acceptable for men.
A man who likes a more individual style turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after he ran afoul of a bride with other ideas.
Riftriser756 asked:
“AITA For having long hair at my friend’s wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (25, male) was invited to be a groomsman for my friend Parker’s wedding. I’ve known him since high school, we became friends through a mutual friend, so I felt honored that he would ask me to be part of the wedding party.”
“Two days before of the wedding, Parker messaged in the group chat the ‘dress/appearance’ expectations that he and his fiancée, Diane, wanted for their wedding. The only thing they expected for hair was ‘neat and styled’.”
“I’ve been growing my hair out since high school, and keep it long just above my shoulders. To be courteous, I did ask Parker if there was a specific way I should style my hair; man bun, half up half down, ponytail, etc…”
“He sent the shrugging emoji and said Diane just said ‘neat and clean’. So that’s what I went with. I showered the night before, then ironed and curled my hair before the wedding.”
“The wedding was amazing! After the wedding was not.”
“A week later I was hanging with Parker, and some of our other friends that were groomsmen too. The wedding naturally got brought up in conversation.”
“Later Parker pulled me aside and said that Diane was upset that my hair was long while the rest of the groomsmen’s hair was short—standard crewcut or middle part. He said he didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently she wouldn’t stop talking about it, and that she HAD told him to mention it to me before the wedding.”
“A friend nearby heard what we were talking about and said he also thought it was weird that my hair was long. My defense was that the ONLY instruction was ‘neat and clean’, and that I couldn’t have gotten it cut from when Parker and his wife sent their expectations.”
“Parker ended the conversation that he wasn’t bothered by it, but he was cold to me the rest of the night.”
“I want to move on, but I feel like Parker is being passive aggressive and people are taking his wife’s side.”
“So AITA?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I feel like Diane thinks I’m the a**hole because I didn’t listen to her instructions to have my hair ‘neat and clean’. I didn’t clarify with Parker what the specifics were. I didn’t apologize for something that I didn’t think was an issue.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Big NTA, man. Even if they had given instructions about it, it’d be ridiculous to expect a guy to cut his hair for someone else’s wedding.” ~ retrobans1
“People like this need to hire models instead of expecting their friends to contort themselves to their ridiculous ‘wedding vision.’ Like, Diane, you are not royalty, you work at Target. Get over yourself.” ~ DrMoneybeard
“You should read what women are expected to do. As a woman, I think it is all bullsh*t… take me as I am or not at all.” ~ Mazy_keen
“At our wedding, the only thing my wife ‘made’ her bridesmaids wear was the dress that they all picked together. After that, she let them have some choice, she asked for them to all wear matching shoes, but didn’t care about brand so long as it was all the same color and style.”
“She gave them the option of joining her for hair and makeup, but they’d have to pay or they could do their own.”
“Like for f*ck sake. These people are your friends, not your goddamn servants for a day. I don’t get brides/grooms who feel it’s remotely OK to treat their friends like dolls on their wedding day.” ~ R4eth
“For my wedding, I just had a maid of honour. I told her to wear whatever she wanted and let me know what colour it was so I could make bouquets to match. That was the end of my expectations for her.”
“Brides these days are going way too far with their expectations of Insta-perfect wedding photos. Anyone wanting photos of cardboard cut-out people should just create an AI wedding party for themselves.” ~ 10S_NE1
“It’s funny, an old coworker of mine married an influencer (like, a big one for her type of content) and even she didn’t have as many demands on their wedding party as some of these other people do and she literally paid for their wedding with monetized wedding posts.” ~ AffectionateJump6669
“Ve haff ze teknology: take pictures of the bride and groom in front of a green screen, then let AI supply the backdrop and the guests.”
“Or, y’know, invite your friends and family and have a fantastic time with them, scars, tattoos, weird hairdos, mobility devices, whatever.” ~ allyearswift
“Dear people planning to get married: you know what your friends and family look like. If you don’t like how they look or they don’t match your ‘vision’ or your ‘aesthetic’ then don’t ask them to be in your wedding party.”
“It’s real simple.”
“Asking people to do anything beyond wearing a specific outfit is unreasonable and entitled. Cutting their hair, dyeing their hair, shaving their beard, getting extensions, losing weight, not using their wheelchair or hearing aid or glasses, etc… are ridiculous, asinine demands. Just stop.” ~ MohawMais
“How exhausting. NTA. Your hair has been long for 7+ years. They knew that when they invited you to be a groomsman. They are upset you didn’t follow what you were not told to do?”
“Just keep your distance. You and your buddy can laugh about it in 5 years after they get divorced.”
“My husband dealt with crap like this from his friends and now he is the only one still married.” ~ bluepurplepink6789
“NTA. His wife is crapping on him so he’s crapping on you. Pause the friendship until he’s a good friend again and continue your life in the meantime.” ~ DrukMeMa
“Do they want friends or not? The aesthetic is the colour/decor/photography style only, because the people are your friends and family, not models for a photoshoot, they need to grow the f*ck up.” ~ SuccessPhysical6668
“NTA. They knew you had long hair when you were asked to be a groomsman, so WTF‽‽” ~ Emmtee2211
“NTA – it’s totally rediculous for her to expect everyone to cut their long hair off for her wedding. She ain’t that special.” ~ Elegant_Anywhere_150
“Oh, I’m sure not everyone was supposed to have short hair! Boys are supposed to have short hair and girls are supposed to have long hair, don’t you know?”
“I’d be willing to bet if one of her bridesmaids had shown up with a new pixie or undercut, she would have thrown a fit too and been just as much the a**hole as she is now. OP is NTA.” ~ A_Baby_Hera
“NTA. If they wanted you to be in the wedding, they should have accepted you the way you are, and not expected you to change.” ~ Infamous-Purple-3131
“Probably the most not the a**hole that has ever not a**holed. Absurd that someone thinks they can dictate your personal appearance and even more absurd they talk sh*t about it afterwards instead of politely asking beforehand. They sound awful.” ~ Forward_Material616
“NTA. The groom dropped the communication ball, and you did everything right. To bring it up AFTER the wedding is classless.” ~ Lilliekins
“Why on earth are people taking Parker and Diane’s side? You’re not a mind reader. They’ve been very immature and unfair, and at this point are choosing to ruin their own wedding memories.”
“If your friend is being cold to you, then he’s not a very good friend any more. NTA.” ~ Ma-Hu
“NTA. You followed the only guideline they gave which is neat and clean and you even double-checked ahead of time.”
“If Diane wanted short hair only, that should’ve been said clearly before the wedding, not after. Expecting you to magically cut years of hair growth on vague instructions is unreasonable. So nooo, totally not the a**hole here.” ~ Little-Radish3585
“NTA. He should have been more specific, and he also knew who he was inviting: you. You come with your hair, it is a part of yourself, he should accept you as is or not at all. There is not a middle ground in this situation.” ~ RedCarolineXXX
“NTA. She’s hopefully going to look back at her behavior in twenty years and be mortified that she was so fixated on appearances.” ~ Murderhornet212
“NTA, but your friend is in this instance. You were given no real guidance and in addition there’s no reason for him to even tell you his new bride is pissy now.” ~ mothandravenstudio
From the comments, it’s pretty clear people are fed up with outrageous demands on wedding parties.
Future brides and grooms, take note.