The foundation of any strong relationship is trust, but what do you do when that trust is suddenly broken?
Redditor “throwra_wheredshego” posed on the “Relationship Advice” subReddit after he caught his girlfriend lying about where she was one afternoon. But the real problem was how to confront her, as he’d also have to reveal that he was looking at engagement rings.
The Redditor asked the thread:
“My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie?”
The Redditor found himself preparing for one of the happiest occasions of his life.
“I (28[Male]) am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years (26[Female]). Now, I suck at picking out jewelry.”
Whenever he wants to get his girlfriend jewelry, he reaches out to their friends.
“[I’m] the type of guy that doesn’t see a problem with heart shaped jewelry (seriously why is it considered so ugly?) so every time I want to buy something for my girl, I usually consult one of our mutual friends.”
“My girl’s best friends are all friends with me as well and we all get along well, so asking them for help picking out jewelry is something I’m used to.”
So when it came time to pick out this particular piece of jewelry, he knew who he had to ask.
“When it came time to pick out a ring, I consulted my girlfriends best friend Justine (fake name).”
“Justine and I are quite close and she knows my girlfriend better than anyone, including me. So, when my girlfriend when out to visit her sister and baby nephew, I invited Justine over to the house to help pick out a ring.”
“Justine and I looked through a few catalogues, but decided it was a dead end and it would be better to go to professionals at a jewelry store.”
“However, I didn’t know when my girlfriend would be coming home, so Justine and I thought of a clever text to gauge how much time we had. I asked her when she’d be coming home, as I was ordering takeout and wanted to know when to tell them to have the food ready by.”
When he texted his girlfriend about dinner plans, he received a very surprising text.
“She responded by saying it would be a few hours, she met up with Justine to go shopping.”
“Now, obviously this took me by surprise since Justine was standing inside my house.”
“I showed Justine the text, and she looked as confused as I was.”
“It isn’t out of the ordinary for my girlfriend to meet up with people out of the blue like that for shopping, lunch, etc. She’s a very spontaneous person and loves making plans on the fly.”
“So ordinarily, I would have believed this text in a heartbeat. However, obviously this had to be a lie.”
It seemed like everything was as it should be when his girlfriend got home.
“When she came home she acted completely normal, and I played along but it’s been really hard to act like everything’s fine.”
“We got takeout, ate together, and cuddled on the couch after. So far she’s caught on a little that somethings upsetting me, but I just can’t tell her what. Looking at her kills me.”
But now the Redditor can’t get the lie off of his mind.
“I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me.”
“I want to ask her about it so bad, but if I tell her I knew she was lying, I’d have to explain why, and I really don’t want to do that.”
“What do I do? I know she lied to me but I don’t know how to confront her about it. Should I just forget it? This won’t stop gnawing at me. Please help!”
Fellow Redditors wrote in anonymously on the OP’s (Original Poster’s), offering their support and advice on what to do next.
Some believed the worst and figured the OP had caught his girlfriend cheating.
“Jesus Chr*st man. You are worried about her finding out about you looking at engagement rings, when there’s a possibility you just caught her cheating on you. Come on dude. Get your priorities straight.”
“You could ask her what she got up to with Justine. Let her go into detail about her day. Then say ‘that’s weird, cos Justine was here with me when you said you were with her’.” – bapadious
“Right? In all likelihood she’s cheating. Why else do people lie about what they’re doing and who they’re with? Yeah, ok I could think of a few, but it’s the most likely explanation. Don’t let her gas light you either. The onus is on her to prove where she was. Do not just let this go.” – john_tkitez
“It’s possible she was out with HIS best friend picking out an engagement ring because she was tired of waiting for him to propose???”
“Nah just kidding, she is probably cheating.” – Redd_81
A few hoped she was out looking for a gift for the OP, too, and wanted to surprise him.
“What if she was picking out a ring for him?”
“Now that’d be a wholesome twist” – rathat
“It would be funny if she were out ring-shopping for him with his best friend, and they both escalate their lies to each other trying to keep the surprise, and end up convincing each other they are having affairs.” – ScreamBiscuit
A few gave suggestions as to how to ask the girlfriend without giving away the surprise.
“‘Hey gf. I was hanging out with Justine today because I wanted her opinion on something that I was hoping to get for you. That being said – why did you tell me you were hanging out with Justine?'” – bearbear407
“You don’t have to disclose anything about the ring. And you don’t have to lie.”
“Tell her you know she wasn’t with Justine, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Then explain the situation you’re in to her.”
“‘I know you lied to me. I know you weren’t with Justine. I need you to explain exactly why you lied and what you were doing. If you don’t do that, I’m left with only assumptions, and I can only assume the worst because I know that you lied to me. Help me out here, please.'”
“She’s not really in any position to demand answers. If she asks how you know that, frankly, you’re in a perfectly reasonable position to tell her it doesn’t matter how you know, it only matters that you know.” – PartysaurusRexx
It’s an especially complicated situation, since the Redditor doesn’t want to reveal his proposal plans to his girlfriend. But obviously, he needs to find a way to talk to her about this, or it could mess up their whole relationship.
So he did (find a way) and provided a new update to Reddit.
“I decided to confront my girlfriend. I thought about using some of the lies people suggested, but they just wouldn’t make sense. To say I ran into Justine somewhere: well, I told my girl I had to stay home and do stuff around the house, and that’s why I couldn’t go with her to see my SIL.”
“To say Justine was helping me pick out jewelry: it doesn’t make sense for her to come all the way to our house to help me pick out a piece of jewelry unless it was a serious piece of jewelry (like an engagement ring).”
“If I just wanted to get her a piece of jewelry as a gift, I’d ask her friends for suggestions or ask them to send me pictures of jewelry she might like. It all happens over text. None of the excuses made sense.”
“So, I decided to be honest.”
“I basically just said that I knew we’d been thinking about marriage and she probably knew a proposal was coming soon so I invited Justine over to help me find her the perfect ring, and that so happened to be the day that she said she was going to see her, so… what’s the deal?”
“She immediately started grinning like an idiot and prodding me about proposing and the ring, but then we got back onto the topic of where she was and she confessed what she was really doing. No, she wasn’t cheating, and no, she wasn’t picking out a ring for me (the amount of times that was commented was crazy).”
“So, some people are dog people and some people are cat people. Well, me, I’m a snake person. I grew up with snakes my whole life.”
“But I never felt I was able to get one because my girlfriend has always been uneasy about living with a snake which I completely respected. Also, the process of buying and raising a snake is very different than that of buying and raising a dog or cat. It’s quite complicated.”
“So you could imagine my surprise when my girlfriend showed me a picture of her holding the cutest Kenyan sand boa I have EVER SEEN!”
“Needless to say, my girlfriend was going to surprise me with a snake! We’re picking her up next week (let me know if you want a pet tax [Reddit term for if you mention a pet we want to see the pet], she’s so cute).”
“I definitely did not expect this and I feel bad for ruining the surprise, but oh well. Life is good! Sorry if this isn’t the ending you guys wanted or expected, just a snake haha.”
Best of luck to the new family!
(not the actual danger noodle, but how we’d like to imagine it)