A 17-year-old guy who was dating a girl found their relationship was starting to blossom when she uttered those three words of affection to him.
Little did his girlfriend know, however, that he was struggling with his sexuality.
Redditor sleeplessghosts wondered about the one obstacle that was holding him back from having a full realization of his sexuality.
He asked the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit:
"AITA for coming out to my girlfriend?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"So, for backstory. I've always been pretty awkward around girls, and never really felt what everyone else described as 'butterflies' or anything."
"I simply assumed it was due to age, maybe I was just too young for all that (I'm almost 18) and that probably the media had influenced me, giving me really high expectations that just couldn't be met."
"So with every girl I dated, it was always a very friendly feeling, and I wasn't really a fan of kissing/making out."
"I started dating this girl around October/November 2019. We got together, and everything seemed to be going well."
"We were in different high schools, so we couldn't hang out every day, but we made it work and just tried to enjoy ourselves."
"Then quarantine happened, and we basically found ourselves in a long distance relationship."
"As I said, I never really loved the most physical part of relationships, so being apart didn't bother me too much on that level. Of course I missed her, I missed my friends too, but it had to be done."
"About one month into lockdown, after we'd been texting for some hours late at night, she said she loved me."
"I told her I did too. I do love her, she's one of the most amazing people I know, and though I felt nervous saying those words for the first time, I was happy."
"Sure, it wasn't as intense as books or movies made it seem to be, but it was nice."
"Cut to about a month later, and she says how much she misses making out (cue me giving awkward finger guns while walking away) and I'm hit by a realization."
"I feel more when I'm looking at boys on Instagram than I do when I kiss girls. Even my girlfriend."
"From that moment, I spend weeks hating myself and trying to find a way to just, you know, make myself straight. It sounds awful, but yeah."
"Of course, that's not possible, so I decide that she deserves honesty, and come out to her as soon as we can go out again."
"She immediately starts attacking me, saying I shouldn't have said it, that I should have kept it to myself. That I should have kept on pretending, to make our relationship work."
"At first I thought she was being crazy, but when I told my friends about it, they agreed with her, saying it was an a**hole move, and that I shouldn't have told her I was gay."
"So here I am, asking strangers if it was actually such a terrible thing."
"I was genuinely convinced I was making the right decision, but apparently I was wrong."
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors assured the OP he did the right thing by coming out and being true to himself.
"NTA - your realisation came at an awkward time, but it's not your fault. You cannot control your sexuality."
"Your girlfriend is entitled to be hurt, but her saying you should have lied to her about a very important part of yourself is, frankly, stupid. And your so-called friends aren't any better."
"It's much better that you were honest with her from the beginning. If you had stayed in a relationship and just pretended like you were into her, it would have been very harmful to the both of you." – Worthless_Tired
The OP concurred about the unfortunate timing of his realization.
"I agree it wasn't the best time, and I didn't want her to feel like it was because of the distance, but I think that being apart made me actually confront my issues."
"I also felt horrible for not telling her, so this seemed to be the best thing. Thank you for your comment!"
This Redditor took issue with the OP's friends.
"Definitely NTA, to begin with. Now picking up from there, your friends telling you you should be straight is definitely AH move."
"It's a good thing you were honest with her and later in life she'll be thankful that you didn't play with her feelings and keep stringing her along. The GF does have a right to feel hurt, it hurts whenever a relationship ends, expecially unexpectedly."
"Don't let that affect you thought, be kind and considerate of her feelings but don't let them define how you deal with things. Anyways that's all. Good luck with your future dating!" – CatsPatzAndStuff
"GF lashing out a little understandable, if unkind. Friends, though? Those are not friends."
"OP NTA, did the best he could with the information he had and stood up straight and told the truth." – Zhoenish
This Redditor who was in a similar situation regretted the way he came out to his girlfriend.
"OP you did the right thing. I tried to not do that to my then GF at the time. I made up a reason and it made it worse."
"Truth is I did love her just not attracted to her. We fought until I finally came clean and her response was 'why didn't you just tell me? I could live with that rather than thinking I did something wrong.'"
"Your GF has it all wrong. Why try to work on a relationship that is not going to work? Most of those relationships where one person is in the closet usually ends in resentment."
"Live your gay life. You're NTA." – ansteve1
This Redditor agreed that delaying the truth would be more damaging later on.
"Your ex (?) is attacking you because she's hurt and can't attack anyone else. That doesn't excuse her behavior, and I'm glad you found out something great about yourself, but teenage puppy love can be weird with hormones and stuff."
"I'm sure she'll come around and hopefully you two can be good friends. Either way you did nothing wrong."
"Not telling her would have hurt her (and you) more in the long run." – adeiner
Now, about those "friends."
"NTA - Get new friends."
"If you're into reasons and explaining things, this might help. Scientists have found a gene sequence that they believe is linked to homosexuality. This was a happy moment for the LGBT movement because one of the key things being championed was it's NOT A CHOICE."
"You don't get to decide what colour your hair or eyes are without some uncomfortable or time consuming practices. You can't 'be straight' without feeling like a piece of sh*t who's lying to yourself. So don't, you deserve to feel good."
"When lockdown lifts I suggest going to a gay bar. When someone approached you say you don't want anything but just realised you're gay and need someone to talk to."
"You'll probably find at least one person willing to talk it out, and if you're into one night stands maybe have some experimental fun." – SendarSlayer
Aside from the fact that the OP is 17, this Redditor was not entirely on board with referring the OP to a gay bar to look for a genuine connection.
"Just by the by, recommending a gay bar to meet people is a bit ick."
"Not only is he underage, but alcohol and the queer community don't have the best relationship. I'd much rather recommend looking for queer clubs and socials, there are lots of much more wholesome ways to meet people."
"Not to mention, recommending a bar to go and talk to strangers about issues they're facing isn't only far fetched but also dangerous."
"And then recommending one night stands to someone just coming to terms with their sexuality? This whole thing is a mess." – snitchnipple
This person was among the minority of Redditors who believed the OP should have broken up with his girlfriend without telling her the truth.
"ESH. You could have ended the relationship without telling her you were gay. At that age, such revelation can really hurt a girl's self esteem.
"She's an AH for pretending that you should continue the relationship after that." – Maru3792648
The OP responded:
"Hi, you're absolutely right. I could have simply kept it to myself, but 1) I knew she was going to ask for reasons why I wanted to break up and lying wouldn't have worked and 2) she had every right to know the truth."
"I feel like if I came up with something else, it would have hurt her even more. Maybe it wasn't the best, but it felt like the only choice that didn't end up making everything even worse."
According to everyone else on the thread, the OP made a wise decision. Redditors encouraged him to find new friends—and eventually—a boyfriend.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.