Wedding planning has a funny way of bringing out the worst in people, especially when they discover that they might be able to cover a key wedding cost, like photography or catering, for free.
But trying to pressure someone into providing a service with low or no payment is never a good look, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor BlundeRuss was looking forward to his friend's wedding, even though he hadn't been invited to be a part of the groom's wedding party.
When he arrived and realized the groom had invited him early, hoping to pressure the Original Poster (OP) into helping set up gazebos and tables, he refused and debated attending the wedding at all.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for refusing to help set up my friend's wedding after he lied about the start time?"
The OP was looking forward to his friend's wedding, until he discovered a key reason why he was invited.
"My male friend (I’m male too) invited me to his wedding and told me to be there at 10:00 AM."
"I turned up with my wife around 9:45 AM."
"The wedding was actually at midday. He deliberately got me there two hours early so he could rope me into putting up gazebos, dragging tables out and carrying loads of equipment up a steep hill."
"I turned up dressed smart, ready for a wedding. He basically said he picked me because I’m strong and do DIY construction for a living."
"I’m not the best man. I’m not even one of his six ushers (none of which were there yet, because they were 'getting ready'!!)."
"He had about 100 guests he could’ve asked. I wasn’t even invited on the stag (bachelor party or weekend). He could easily have sorted the setup the day before or hired people."
The OP refused to get involved, and the groom reacted harshly.
"Anyway, I said no, definitely not. I’ve actually had some neck/back troubles recently, and I was already dressed for the wedding!"
"I also didn’t want to leave my wife sitting on her own for hours while I did construction jobs."
"I said he should’ve asked in advance, and I could’ve said no, so he could make other plans, rather than tricking me."
"His response was, 'Hey dude, I’m giving you a free meal later; you could at least lend a hand to earn it back.'"
"I told him I’d travelled a long way, paid for a hotel, and bought a wedding gift so I could be part of his day. Being invited doesn’t mean I also owe him manual labour on the morning of the wedding while I’m in my suit."
The OP and the groom did not end the night on good terms.
"He was cold with me during the reception and made a point of jokingly b***hing about me to whoever I was chatting to throughout the day."
"At one point I’d had enough and said, 'Serves you right for being a cheapskate about your own wedding!' in a jokey way in front of his bride."
"She wasn’t really paying attention until I said my comment, and then she said, 'What’s this about?'"
"But I immediately regretted saying it and kind of mumbled, 'Just joking around,' and walked off."
"I’ve no idea if he explained what happened to her once I’d gone. But now I’m second-guessing myself."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that he had every right to say no to the groom's demands.
"NOR. I would have left with my partner and found a really nice place to have lunch and see the town instead. Then returned the wedding gift."
"The reason I say that is that he obviously wasn't a friend because friends don't do that." - Separate_Pumpkin_256
"I would have left and enjoyed the hotel room with my spouse. F**k that guy. NOR." - zombiemeh88
"I would've told him to keep his free meal, and I'll keep/return the wedding gift. PEACE. NOR." - LovEmbodied
"Finally, someone to stick up for themselves. Bravo! NOR!" - ListenToLindaNow
"NOR, and I would re-evaluate this 'friendship.' He sounds like a douchebag. Good for you for saying no." - Seeker_ofLight
Others were disgusted by the groom's entitled behavior and attempted workaround.
"He lied to you to use your skills for free because he didn't want to pay for it. There's a reason he lied, and it's because he knows it's sketchy and what he did was wrong."
"NOR. You did the right thing in not doing it." - Visionary_87
"NOR. If he had just asked for help, you could have said yes or no, but lying about the time just to get free labor is pretty shameless, honestly." - Simply_Sleek
"NOR. How tacky can you be to trick a friend into trying to help set up your wedding?"
"Obviously, you're not a good enough friend to be in the wedding party or even invited to the stag, but 'good enough' for the grunt work."
"LOL, no thanks." - Caspian4136
"NOR. What the f**k?! Another friend and I did something similar for our friend’s wedding, but she asked us ahead of time since we weren’t bridesmaids but still good friends, and we agreed. It wasn’t sprung on us. This guy is not your friend." - LucyySlayyBairdd
"NOR. I'd have left."
"You're not close enough to him to be a part of the wedding party, but you're somehow close enough to do manual labor for him for free? I don't think so."
"Might be time to back off from this friendship a bit, or totally." - PotatoMonster20
Some wondered if the bride knew who she actually married.
"If she reaches out later, I would be FACTUAL with her, OP. If you have the text about the show-up time, show her/send her a screenshot. She should KNOW what kind of person she ACTUALLY married. NOR." - Used_Clock_4627
"NOR, and there's nothing wrong with letting the wife know how homeboy tried to take advantage of you. What really gets me is they 'know you do DIY' and thought, 'I should get free labor from this person,' instead of, 'I should hire my friend and make it worth his while beyond a 'free meal.'" - Alive-Ad2317
"This happened with a friend of ours. Her insane mom and sister were supposed to be doing all the food and stuff, but they got overwhelmed and just sort of locked up."
"My friend and I stepped in. The mom also didn’t procure enough rations, so we bought a bunch of things, took over the cooking, took over the table setup and decorations. The bride has been eternally grateful to us. We didn’t get her a wedding present, just provided our services and food."
"I have to wonder if the bride knows how crappy her husband was behind the scenes or if we just got lucky with our bridal-not-bridezilla experience." - Unlucky-Praline6865
"NOR. He doesn't like you and thinks the wedding invite was a favor to you. Calling him out in front of his wife wasn't a good look, but who cares. Maybe next time he'll think twice before trying to take advantage of people." - Intelligent_Most_382
"NOR. You set a boundary. You protected your own well-being and were a gentleman to your wife. This guy needs to grow up."
"You don’t need people like this in your life who feel entitled to your time and labor. I bet you wouldn’t miss him if you cut him loose."
"I’ve had to unfriend a couple of people in real life over the past couple of years for being d**kheads. I remember the good times fondly, but I don’t miss their s**tty behaviors in my life." - sog96
"Not being honest with the bride is the spot where you messed up. It’s not so much in making the comment as in avoiding the follow-through, because I guarantee that she asked the groom about it at some point, and he threw you under the bus 100%."
"At this point, the groom has demonstrated that he has no qualms about s**t-talking about you. In the absence of a counter, expect that everyone else is going to accept it, if they remember it from the wedding."
"You should have told her on the spot that homeboy told you to show up for the wedding at 10:00 AM, but neglected to mention that you’d been drafted for setup duty."
"After all, you didn’t mess up her wedding; homeboy did that all on his own with his s**t planning skills." - FriedBrain99
The subreddit was furious on the OP's behalf for being "good enough" to want free labor but not good enough to invite into the wedding party, or at least the bachelor party weekend festivities.
It might have been one thing if the groom had asked about the services beforehand and asked if the OP was willing to do it for free, but tricking him into arriving early to help out was anything but fair and far from being a good friend.
u/Master_Pepper_254/Reddit
u/Master_Pepper_254/Reddit
u/Master_Pepper_254/Reddit
