When people are in a relationship, they’re told that having separate friends and sometimes separate activities to partake in can be a very healthy thing.
It can build trust and it can be good to be apart, to miss one another and have then have new things to talk about.
But certain partners may not take to this idea.
And it can lead to some behavior they’re partner’s may not appreciate.
Case in point…
Redditor throwback6790 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for yelling at my boyfriend for making me leave my best friend’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My boyfriend, 27, and I, 26 have been together for 2 years.”
“He has a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every occasion no matter how big or small.”
“He even went with me to my ex boyfriend’s funeral after days of begging.”
“Now my best friend got married few days ago, it was very small and only close family and friends were invited.”
“My boyfriend couldn’t come because of the + one rule.”
“He pitched a hissy fit saying my best friend has no respect for my relationship and was shocked when he learned that I was still going to attend.”
“He told me that if he can’t go then I’m expected to not go as well.”
“But that is my best friend and I had to respect her rules.”
“He gave me an ultimatum, either we go together or I stay home with him.”
“I ended up going because again I respected my friend’s rules.”
“He was angry with me and kept calling the entire 2 hour drive then stopped.”
“Later I got a text from his friend telling me he (my boyfriend) got into an accident and was taken to the hospital.”
“I freaked out.”
“He gave me the address and I had to leave the wedding and told my friends why.”
“I was crying the entire drive home and kept calling his friend but got no response.”
“I arrived to the hospital and asked about my boyfriend and they checked and told me he wasn’t there.”
“My anxiety reached 160% as I kept calling his friends one by one.”
“I just went home and there he was… along with his friend.”
“He saw me and said that he was sorry but this was the only he can get me home after I left him alone.”
“After the initial shock I just blew up yelling at him about lying and making me leave my friend’s wedding and having me literally go to the hospital and freaking out cause of him.”
“I kicked his friend out and we got into an argument.”
“He kept talking about how much I love him, thus I left, which is my own doing not his and he was just trying to see if I really chose my friend’s wedding over him.”
“He then argued that my friend caused this and I shouldn’t agree with her to exclude him.”
“I said what he did was horrible and called him horrible and then went to my room.”
“It was awful cause my friends kept calling to check in on him cause they thought he was really at the hospital.”
“He said I overreacted and that I yelled at the wrong person.”
“AITA? Did I go too far?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“OP’s boyfriend doesn’t love her; he loves controlling her.”
“This is absolutely abuse and OP hasn’t gone far enough yet.”
“Not until she is out of this toxic relationship. NTA.” ~ grey-skies
“This is abuse.” ~ Minimum_Reference_73
OP added…
“Info based on request from a user:_ He has a history of mental health issues but got better the past few months.”
“He also had a recent death in his family which really affected his health generally.”
“I was about to come here to make exactly this post, but let me add that the boyfriend does not indeed have a good heart if he lies about being hospitalized.”
“I couldn’t imagine the anguish and guilt that likely followed.”
“He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings or well-being if he’s willing to resort to that to get his way.”
“You’re NTA, but there’s really no saving this relationship.”
“I don’t care if this adds to the stereotype that Reddit tells people to leave too soon, but everyone else is right: Abuse just doesn’t get better.”
“Even if he somehow wakes up and starts trying to make it better, you have no responsibility to him to stick around until it does.” ~ ElvhenGambit
“NTA, and please, please, please, leave him alone.”
“As though it were yesterday.”
“What he did was heinous, a betrayal, and one of the most devious acts I’ve ever heard.”
“Plus, his pals are all terrible, so he’s only getting encouragement for his destructive conduct from them.” ~ Kristenpoole05
“Agreed. NTA. Dump him immediately.”
“He’s not mature enough for a real relationship.”
“This is abusive and controlling.” ~ Curious-One4595
“And be careful getting out of the relationship.”
“Leave when he’s not home, go to a place he does not expect.”
“If possible, stay with someone so you’re not alone.”
“Make sure there is no tracking software installed on your phone.”
“Back up your data and reset the whole thing.”
“Block him on social media, chat, etc.”
“Just leave a note that it’s over, and not to contact you again.”
“Know how to file a restraining order if needed, and be ready to call the police.”
“Let your employer know that there is an issue, and not to give out information about you.”
“If he’s on any documents as an emergency contact, change those immediately.” ~ birdingisfun
“NTA… what the actual f**k is wrong with that person.”
“You are absolutely NOT in the wrong.”
“He made you think he was hurt for God’s sake.”
“I try to not be one of those people that say this, but RUN. FAST.”
“This is psychological abuse.” ~ dignified_llama
NTA… At all… your BF is a control freak and the longer you stay with him, the deeper those controlling lies will get.”
“Look how far he went this time…”
“You could have gotten into an accident by driving stressed out and sobbing behind the wheel?”
“I hope you realize this isn’t safe for you.”
“Get OUT while you still can.” ~ lauraisabelgonzalez
“NTA. This is a dangerous, manipulative, unsafe relationship and you need to exit it.” ~ enthused_high-five
“When you leave he may even try to pull the ‘I’ll just die! I’ll kill myself!'”
“This is a lie and a last ditch effort at control.”
“The other option is that he will promise to be better, promise he will never do it again.”
“This is also a lie and he will be back to his old tricks in no time.”
“Head him off at the pass and tell him no matter what he does or says it was over for good the second he lied to get his way.”
“You are NTA.”
“He is an abusive, petulant, child.” ~ AmberReverb
“NTA. He does NOT have a great heart.”
“He acts all nice and lovely when you go along with what he demands.”
“A rational, mature, and good hearted human being does NOT act the way he did.”
“He values himself above all else, including you.”
“He has shown his true colors.”
“Do not write this off.”
“Do not let him convince you that you’re in the wrong.”
“Do not hide this from your friends.” ~ Tadama
“This isn’t a red flag.”
“This is what the red flags warn you about.”
“Not even for ten seconds should you stay in this relationship.”
“Where do you think this is going?”
“He’s extremely controlling and not above pulling s**t like this to control your every move.”
“Believe me when I say if you accept this behavior, in half a year you won’t have any friends left and won’t be allowed to leave the house anymore.”
“This is abuse.”
“Plain and simple, only one word for it. Abuse.”
“Get out, get out now.”
“Don’t let him bullshit you and tell you it’s all just because of how much he loves you or how much he struggles with being alone, or how bad he feels without you.”
“This isn’t because of love.”
“This is because he wants to control you.”
“Those are literally textbook excuses abusers make.”
“Seriously. Leave. NTA.” ~ mnbvcdo
“OMG. NTA. You need to break up with this guy right now.”
“He’s manipulative and a liar and could’ve caused you serious harm (you’re driving upset and could’ve gotten in an accident).”
“He’s gaslighting you and controlling you.”
“He’s clearly insecure AF.”
“Honey, no, he does NOT have a good heart.”
“This guy is poison.” ~ DarkAthena
“NTA and dump his a**.”
“That level of manipulation is entirely out of line and will NOT get better, it will get worse.”
“Going places by yourself, like a friend’s tiny wedding where I’m going to guess you were not the only one without a plus one, is totally normal and reasonable.”
“His actions likely marred your friend’s wedding day as they were worried for you and continuously checked in, like good friends do.”
“Seriously, drop this man like a hot potato.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA, and as to your question of did you go too far, nope you actually didn’t go far enough and make him your ex boyfriend.”
“His stunt was malicious and cruel to get his own way.” ~ smalltowncountrylady
Well OP Reddit is with you and deeply concerned.
Sounds like you may need to do some deep thinking on this relationship.
Be careful and put your safety first.