When people are in a relationship, they're told that having separate friends and sometimes separate activities to partake in can be a very healthy thing.
It can build trust and it can be good to be apart, to miss one another and have then have new things to talk about.
But certain partners may not take to this idea.
And it can lead to some behavior they're partner's may not appreciate.
Case in point...
Redditor throwback6790 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for yelling at my boyfriend for making me leave my best friend's wedding?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My boyfriend, 27, and I, 26 have been together for 2 years."
"He has a good heart and is normally rational but his one issue is that he expects to accompany me in every occasion no matter how big or small."
"He even went with me to my ex boyfriend's funeral after days of begging."
"Now my best friend got married few days ago, it was very small and only close family and friends were invited."
"My boyfriend couldn't come because of the + one rule."
"He pitched a hissy fit saying my best friend has no respect for my relationship and was shocked when he learned that I was still going to attend."
"He told me that if he can't go then I'm expected to not go as well."
"But that is my best friend and I had to respect her rules."
"He gave me an ultimatum, either we go together or I stay home with him."
"I ended up going because again I respected my friend's rules."
"He was angry with me and kept calling the entire 2 hour drive then stopped."
"Later I got a text from his friend telling me he (my boyfriend) got into an accident and was taken to the hospital."
"I freaked out."
"He gave me the address and I had to leave the wedding and told my friends why."
"I was crying the entire drive home and kept calling his friend but got no response."
"I arrived to the hospital and asked about my boyfriend and they checked and told me he wasn't there."
"My anxiety reached 160% as I kept calling his friends one by one."
"I just went home and there he was... along with his friend."
"He saw me and said that he was sorry but this was the only he can get me home after I left him alone."
"After the initial shock I just blew up yelling at him about lying and making me leave my friend's wedding and having me literally go to the hospital and freaking out cause of him."
"I kicked his friend out and we got into an argument."
"He kept talking about how much I love him, thus I left, which is my own doing not his and he was just trying to see if I really chose my friend's wedding over him."
"He then argued that my friend caused this and I shouldn't agree with her to exclude him."
"I said what he did was horrible and called him horrible and then went to my room."
"It was awful cause my friends kept calling to check in on him cause they thought he was really at the hospital."
"He said I overreacted and that I yelled at the wrong person."
"AITA? Did I go too far?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"OP's boyfriend doesn't love her; he loves controlling her."
"This is absolutely abuse and OP hasn't gone far enough yet."
"Not until she is out of this toxic relationship. NTA." ~ grey-skies
"This is abuse." ~ Minimum_Reference_73
OP added...
"Info based on request from a user:_ He has a history of mental health issues but got better the past few months."
"He also had a recent death in his family which really affected his health generally."
"I was about to come here to make exactly this post, but let me add that the boyfriend does not indeed have a good heart if he lies about being hospitalized."
"I couldn't imagine the anguish and guilt that likely followed."
"He clearly doesn't care about your feelings or well-being if he's willing to resort to that to get his way."
"You're NTA, but there's really no saving this relationship."
"I don't care if this adds to the stereotype that Reddit tells people to leave too soon, but everyone else is right: Abuse just doesn't get better."
"Even if he somehow wakes up and starts trying to make it better, you have no responsibility to him to stick around until it does." ~ ElvhenGambit
"NTA, and please, please, please, leave him alone."
"As though it were yesterday."
"What he did was heinous, a betrayal, and one of the most devious acts I've ever heard."
"Plus, his pals are all terrible, so he's only getting encouragement for his destructive conduct from them." ~ Kristenpoole05
"Agreed. NTA. Dump him immediately."
"He's not mature enough for a real relationship."
"This is abusive and controlling." ~ Curious-One4595
"And be careful getting out of the relationship."
"Leave when he's not home, go to a place he does not expect."
"If possible, stay with someone so you're not alone."
"Make sure there is no tracking software installed on your phone."
"Back up your data and reset the whole thing."
"Block him on social media, chat, etc."
"Just leave a note that it's over, and not to contact you again."
"Know how to file a restraining order if needed, and be ready to call the police."
"Let your employer know that there is an issue, and not to give out information about you."
"If he's on any documents as an emergency contact, change those immediately." ~ birdingisfun
"NTA... what the actual f**k is wrong with that person."
"You are absolutely NOT in the wrong."
"He made you think he was hurt for God's sake."
"I try to not be one of those people that say this, but RUN. FAST."
"This is psychological abuse." ~ dignified_llama
NTA... At all... your BF is a control freak and the longer you stay with him, the deeper those controlling lies will get."
"Look how far he went this time..."
"You could have gotten into an accident by driving stressed out and sobbing behind the wheel?"
"I hope you realize this isn't safe for you."
"Get OUT while you still can." ~ lauraisabelgonzalez
"NTA. This is a dangerous, manipulative, unsafe relationship and you need to exit it." ~ enthused_high-five
"When you leave he may even try to pull the 'I'll just die! I'll kill myself!'"
"This is a lie and a last ditch effort at control."
"The other option is that he will promise to be better, promise he will never do it again."
"This is also a lie and he will be back to his old tricks in no time."
"Head him off at the pass and tell him no matter what he does or says it was over for good the second he lied to get his way."
"You are NTA."
"He is an abusive, petulant, child." ~ AmberReverb
"NTA. He does NOT have a great heart."
"He acts all nice and lovely when you go along with what he demands."
"A rational, mature, and good hearted human being does NOT act the way he did."
"He values himself above all else, including you."
"He has shown his true colors."
"Do not write this off."
"Do not let him convince you that you're in the wrong."
"Do not hide this from your friends." ~ Tadama
"This isn't a red flag."
"This is what the red flags warn you about."
"Not even for ten seconds should you stay in this relationship."
"Where do you think this is going?"
"He's extremely controlling and not above pulling s**t like this to control your every move."
"Believe me when I say if you accept this behavior, in half a year you won't have any friends left and won't be allowed to leave the house anymore."
"This is abuse."
"Plain and simple, only one word for it. Abuse."
"Get out, get out now."
"Don't let him bullshit you and tell you it's all just because of how much he loves you or how much he struggles with being alone, or how bad he feels without you."
"This isn't because of love."
"This is because he wants to control you."
"Those are literally textbook excuses abusers make."
"Seriously. Leave. NTA." ~ mnbvcdo
"OMG. NTA. You need to break up with this guy right now."
"He's manipulative and a liar and could've caused you serious harm (you're driving upset and could've gotten in an accident)."
"He's gaslighting you and controlling you."
"He's clearly insecure AF."
"Honey, no, he does NOT have a good heart."
"This guy is poison." ~ DarkAthena
"NTA and dump his a**."
"That level of manipulation is entirely out of line and will NOT get better, it will get worse."
"Going places by yourself, like a friend's tiny wedding where I'm going to guess you were not the only one without a plus one, is totally normal and reasonable."
"His actions likely marred your friend's wedding day as they were worried for you and continuously checked in, like good friends do."
"Seriously, drop this man like a hot potato." ~ REDDIT
"NTA, and as to your question of did you go too far, nope you actually didn't go far enough and make him your ex boyfriend."
"His stunt was malicious and cruel to get his own way." ~ smalltowncountrylady
Well OP Reddit is with you and deeply concerned.
Sounds like you may need to do some deep thinking on this relationship.
Be careful and put your safety first.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.