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Guy Outraged After Girlfriend Changes His Last Name To Hers On Wedding RSVP As ‘Funny Joke’

A couple are in a car having an argument
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Everybody loves a good joke.

Pranks are an entirely different story.

Yes, pranks are jokes, but they’re jokes that can get really out of hand.

People may want to think about their comedic abilities before they put them into action.

Case in point…

Redditor ThrowRA8-4-6-2 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for getting annoyed with my GF for changing my last name to hers at a wedding for a joke?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“G[irl]F[riend] and I are heading to a wedding next month.”

“It’s a couple she knows getting married – I’ve met them once or twice.”

“I don’t know anyone else at this wedding.”

“The other day, her friend called to check if he ‘should also change my name on the guest plan,’ at which point she admitted to me that, as a joke, she had RSVPed my last name as her last name.”

“Meaning it would be visible this way to other guests on the name tags at the table and perhaps on other things.”

“I was immediately pissed off with her and said I didn’t think it was funny, and she shouldn’t have done it.”

“She was indignant and upset, thought it was a funny joke, that I was overreacting, etc. AITA here?”

“See, I’m aware that it could be funny if you know your partner likes those jokes.”

“We joke with each other about taking each other’s names when we’re married, her joking that I should take hers, etc.”

“But for me, this feels like a big overstep.”

“For one thing, it’s childish.”

“I would be embarrassed for her friends and other guests to presume we are married, only to find out it’s a dumb joke.”

“And also for her friends to think we’re not taking their wedding seriously.”

“But also, it feels like a power move.”

“She knows that me taking her name would represent a victory for her, and so the joke feels less playful and more a competitive jibe at my expense.”

“I have to put up with others believing I’m someone who took my wife’s name and abandoned my own.”

“No offense to anyone who chooses this, but my name is a part of my identity, and I dislike what being thought to have changed it puts across about me.”

“She grudgingly accepts my point of view but, in general, feels more upset at having been ‘told off.'”

“And that her naughty playful side is what people like about her and that I’m at fault for trying to repress it and being uptight. “

“I just feel it’s crossing a boundary.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.


“’I have to put up with others believing I’m someone who took my wife’s name and abandoned my own.’”

“Ummmmmm. Like women have been expected to do since forever!”  ~ LetsGetsThisPartyOn

“I agree OP’s reaction disturbs me!”

“To the gf: don’t take his name.”

“He does not deserve it if this is his reaction to pretending to have your last name for about 4 hours!”

“Dude, this was a joke, not the masterful 3d chess ‘win’ you seem to think it is.”

“To OP’s gf, do you really want to stay with someone who cannot take a joke and who punishes you for just trying to do a fun minor prank?”

“He seems more upset that he somehow ‘lost,’ rather than trying to see the humor.”

“And enjoying the fun of being called Mr (your last name) for an eve (to me, this would be cute AF and fun, cause smiles), and the intensity of his overreaction is scary AF to me.”

“Does he react this badly when he loses board games or even minor arguments?”

“If yes, get out now!”

“He frankly seems super controlling about this, and the edit did not help him seem any better.”

“Maybe it was a bad joke in his eyes (my guy totally would think it was cute and funny, would lean in, have fun with it), but even so, it seems like a massive d**kish overreaction to me.”

“You fixed it, but let me guess, he still cannot let it go and is still punishing you!”

“If I could not have fun in my relationship, I’d nope right the hell out, this instant! YTA.”  ~ KatarinaSkill

“Oh, I think he’s the a**hole not for any feminist name changing s**t but because he’s thinking this deeply into a joke.”

“Like here he is talking about oh people are going to assume all these things about me and assume that we are not taking her friend’s wedding seriously and all this s**t. It’s like bro you’re not that special.”

“No one‘s going to be paying that much attention to yours and your girlfriend’s names.”

“She did it because it was an inside joke, and she thought it would be funny and rightfully that no one would give a f**k, but if it’s not a funny joke to you, just tell her it’s not a funny joke, that’s it.”

“He’s making it seem like it’s this big life-changing, f**king decision or action.”

“And that she was deliberately being disrespectful or some s**t like man sat here and wrote a whole thesis on his girlfriend, doing a joke that they have done for a while instead of just being like hey it wasn’t really that funny to me, please just don’t do it again.”

“No one cares about him that much and the self-importance is just a lot.”

“Another post where I’m left thinking… do you even like your partner?”  ~ Slow-Compote9084

“It’s the perceived ‘power move’ – OP feels she was attempting to dominate him and overreacted out of fear of losing his power to a [insert any minimizing/derogatory term for woman here].”

“For some men like OP, the very worst thing that could happen to them is to believe they are being perceived as weaker than a woman.”

“He needs to rethink his ‘identity’ as something that cannot be stolen from him or altered by the perceptions of others.”

“Perhaps if OP were secure in his masculine identity, his GF would no longer find it funny to nudge his fragile ego and watch him scramble to protect it from shattering.”  ~ New_Chest4040

OP came back with an Update…

“Lot of thoughts here, feeling blessed for all the balanced and constructive feedback I’m getting.”

“Just to clarify, as I think my word choice has rubbed some people the wrong way, I have absolutely no problem with my gf keeping her name if we married.”

“Personally, giving up my own name goes against my values, not because I’m a closet misogynist, but simply because I’m a person who values their identity.”

“My gf knows this and still chose to make our joke public with her friends, whom I don’t know.”

“Okay, have at!”

Reddit continued…

“It is hard to tell what exactly happened.”

“He said he was ‘pissed off and said she shouldn’t have done it’ the GF also feels ‘told off.'”

“If he just said I’m pissed off, you shouldn’t have done that.”

“I did not like it because XYZ, then I’d say NTA.”

“If he was shouting, breaking furniture, going on about it for hours, then obviously YTA.”

“He has not really included much for me to think it was more like the latter so I would say NTA based on solely the information given.”

“He could obviously be hiding the stuff that makes him look bad and like TA.” ~ HappyDrive1

“OP says he isn’t a closet misogynist in his, but the tantrum he threw (what kind of MAN will these randos I’ll never see again think I am!) Implies otherwise.”

“If OP had went to his GF calmly and been like ‘honey you know how I personally feel about keeping my last name. I feel hurt by your actions, and it’s not a joke unless everyone is laughing and she was still pissed then I would assume it’s a total power play on her part.”

“My B[oy]F[riend] is also very attached to his last name but has told me when we marry I’m very welcome to keep my own, and if I decide to do so, we can hyphenate future children’s last names.”

“And honestly, I know Reddit likes the ‘just leave your partner’ solution but if OP feels this strongly about joking about his last name cause it’s going to become an issue later on, he needs to go find a partner with different and aligning views on the matter.”  ~ GundamGirl94

“They aren’t even ENGAGED!”

“I could see doing this as a lark as a married couple or engaged.”

“But she put their names down as the same without any consultation with her BOYFRIEND.”

“It crosses an unspoken boundary, in my opinion.”

“I’d be weirded out if a boyfriend had altered my surname to his if we were dating.”

“I doubt I’d be comfortable afterward.”

“NTA. Girlfriend assumed far too much with this.” ~ Bring-out-le-mort

Well OP, this is quite the situation.

Reddit clearly has some strong thoughts on the matter.

Maybe you and the GF should have a long talk about jokes and boundaries.

Try and enjoy the wedding.