Most family heirlooms are considered priceless.
Because you can't put a dollar value on memories.
Some items are so cherished one can't even consider being parting with them.
This last sentiment can cause a lot of drama when it comes time to see who gets what in a will.
Emotions tend to run high when it comes to possession.
Redditor QueenB1253 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for not giving my niece the porcelain doll my mother left for her?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My niece Jay (10 F[emale]) was the only Granddaughter when my mother died in 2020."
"When she died, she wanted my niece to have her porcelain doll collection with around 6 dolls."
"These porcelain dolls were around when I was a child and I had memories of getting in trouble for playing with them."
"They are absolutely beautiful."
"Well, when my mother died I (29 F) decided to keep ONE doll."
"I know it wasn't left to me, but I felt like they meant more to me than they could to my niece."
"I contemplated giving it back to her when she was old enough to appreciate it."
"We're from Louisiana, and Hurricane Laura hit… when we evacuated."
"I took the doll with me because I knew it was sentimental and irreplaceable."
"My niece, however, let all the remaining five dolls get ruined in the hurricane because she left them in the house when they got ruined."
"My twin sister (Jay's mom) thinks that it's only fair that I give Jay the doll."
"I kept the doll safe because after all it was left for her… my argument is that if I had given her the doll, it would have gotten ruined with the other ones because she didn't care enough about them to take them with her."
"Fast-forward, we are now in 2025 and I have a daughter of my own."
"I 100 % believe if my mom would have known she was gonna have another granddaughter, she would have left a doll to her."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"YTA for a few reasons."
"It is not nor was it ever your doll."
"It was always your niece's doll."
"Your mother very specifically said they were all to go to your niece."
"If you wanted one you should have told your mother this before she died and asked if you could have one."
"Your niece didn't leave the doll during a hurricane evacuation because she didn't give a crap about the dolls... they were left because as a minor young child, she was relying on her parents to get out of an incredibly scary situation."
"Wrapping up a bunch of dolls no matter how sentimental the priority for any of them was not and has NOTHING to do with any of this."
"It doesn't matter how sure you are about how your mom would feel now since there is another granddaughter."
"You could be 100 percent imprint sure... it doesn't matter because your mom is dead and left zero thoughts about that."
"You went against your Mother's wishes and pretty much stole a doll from a child."
"YTA for doing that."
"And you are an even bigger AH for refusing to give it back." ~ True-Blackberry-3080
"Also, OP took one doll, which was probably easier to pack up than five dolls, which we have no idea how big they might have been or where they were stored."
"I am sure the family lost a lot more than just those 5 dolls that had great sentimental value."
"I probably have two dolls I would try to take with me, but there is only me to look after."
"I am not trying to sort out a family that probably contains a small, frightened child trying to understand all the chaos around them."
"OP is an AH twice over, once for keeping the doll and then for blaming a child for something she couldn't prevent."
"The doll should go to the child it originally intended for." ~ dvioletta
"She had to pack one doll and no children!!!!"
"Her sister had to pack up a whole family!"
"Getting my babies out of an oncoming hurricane would be my priority, too."
"OP only had the luxury of fixating on the doll because she had no children to care for, worry or stress about."
"She's a massive AH." ~ Unicorn_Fluffs
"Also, evacuating yourself is going to be easier than evacuating a family with young children."
"But yeah, saying a 6-year-old should have carefully packed up 5 porcelain dolls in the middle of a hurricane evacuation order, and the fact that she didn't mean it's ok to rob her, is absolutely wild."
"OP YTA." ~ CivilButterfly2844
"If OPs grandmother was anything like my mother (who I inherited my porcelain dolls from at the age of 11) she would have whooped OPs butt for being more worried about a doll than her own safety and would have told the niece, 'They are only dolls and aren't more important than your safety, good girl.'"
"OP, YTA, on multiple faces of this..."
"1. You have essentially stolen from your niece.
"2. You didn't allow the will to be executed to the letter, and (isn't that illegal??)."
"3. You are telling your niece that she should have risked her safety over a bunch of dolls just like you did."
"I get a feeling you don't like your sister or niece here, or maybe you have always felt entitled to what isn't yours." ~ Environmental_Art591
"YTA. Can't believe you're holding against your niece that she left the dolls during a HURRICANE."
"Do you think someone that young would be thinking of the dolls when something that scary is going on?"
"You're in the wrong for keeping the doll, to begin with, when you know your mom wanted your niece to have them all."
"And you're a grown adult; you know it was wrong, but you still did it anyway."
"If you decide to keep it for your daughter,r you'll most likely face a lot of backlash from your family for doing so." ~ FindingFit6035
"YTA. The doll is not yours to keep, period."
"Also, hang on."
"Your niece is 10 now, right?"
"Laura happened in 2020."
"You're really trying to justify yourself by blaming a 6-year-old for not taking her dolls with her?"
"Of her not caring enough?"
"Ew, honestly. Give the doll back, thief." ~ PaladinHeir
"This comment needs more attention because the child wasn't even 10."
"She was closer to 5 or 6!"
"Like not even old enough to get ready for school by herself or make herself a sandwich or do anything, fully dependent on her parent's aid during a disaster that could have killed her or her family, and OP is blaming her for not caring about the dolls!?"
"OP you're disgusting."
"You're a thief, and if you still live in hurricane territory, god forbid you ever wind up in a situation where you have to choose between your living, breathing family members versus a doll." ~ PettyLittlePirate
"ETA: I have the privilege of never being anywhere in a natural disaster or a human one (i.e. war), so please take what I say with a grain of salt."
"In these cases, you take the essentials."
"Yes, sometimes, people do take a treasured memento."
"OP saying niece didn't care enough reads selfish and bully-ish behavior."
"The niece was 6 then!"
"YTA. The doll was meant for your niece."
"Of course, your mother would leave a doll for your child, but, sadly, she passed before you even had a child."
"'We're from Louisiana and hurricane Laura hit… when we evacuated.'"
"'I took the doll with me because I knew it was sentimental and irreplaceable.'"
"'My niece, however, let all of the remaining five dolls get ruined in a hurricane because she let them in the house when where got ruined.'"
"Did your niece have weather powers? No."
"She is a HUMAN child."
"You're holding a natural disaster against your niece, which is your brain trying to excuse yourself from guilt."
"Give her the doll back."
"If you haven't already, I suggest seeking grief counseling." ~ AVeryBrownGirlNerd
"YTA - Legally it's not your's to keep."
"Furthermore what grown woman writes the phrase 'she let them get ruined by the hurricane', especially about a child."
"Unless she picked them up, took them outside, and let them get waterlogged and strewn about thus INTENTIONALLY ruining the dolls, your adolescent niece had nothing to do with the natural disaster, and thinking otherwise is absolutely ridiculous."
"People are evacuating to save their lives, not family keepsakes. SMH." ~ Plane_Alternative_42
"I agree here."
"I don't think anybody cared when it was one of six dolls, but now that it's the only one remaining…"
"I hesitate to say OP should give the doll back because she very clearly cherishes it."
"And honestly, even grabbing one doll from the five the niece had would've shown some concern for preserving a family heirloom on OP's sister's part."
"In 2020, we had the ability to predict landfall and severity of impact to give people time to plan their evacuations."
"There is very little excuse for not packing up one." ~ quidyn
"I feel the same way."
"Also, leaving a family heirloom to a child rather than an adult is not a good choice."
"It is a choice that should be honored, I'm just saying the Mom whiffed on this one."
"It would have been much better to give the dolls to the OP so she could dispense them when appropriate to the next generation."
"I would expect any objects left to a young kid will be lost or destroyed, which totally sucks when said object is super sentimental."
"OP should pass the doll onto the niece, let it go, maybe buy a replica, and later start a new tradition of her own."
"'Here are dolls for children that we don't let children play with' isn't a great family tradition anyway." ~ DrStrangepants
"Honestly, this is where I'm at."
"OP is TA and quite literally breaking the law by going against her mother's will, but my instincts are telling me this is just the latest front in a decades-long power struggle between the sisters."
"As far as I can tell neither of them have even mentioned what the niece actually wants."
"Obviously, the niece wouldn't have been able to rescue the dolls when she was five."
"But the sister may or may not have been able to depend on how much time they had to evacuate."
"Did the sister have to leave in 30 minutes and couldn't save anything, or did she have several days' warning during which she lovingly packed up other sentimental items but intentionally left the dolls behind?"
"That would obviously greatly change how I feel about the sister."
"Why is it suddenly so important, five years later, to have the remaining doll?" ~ dragon_morgan
"Look, however way you spin it, you stole from your niece's inheritance and now you're blaming a 10-year-old child for not prioritizing porcelain dolls during a natural disaster."
"I'm sorry your Mum didn't leave any dolls for you and your daughter."
"That's not your niece's fault that was your Mother's choice. YTA" ~ excel_pager_420
"YTA. You selfishly kept something that you knew belonged to your niece."
"And now you're using that same selfish reasoning to give it to your daughter."
"You know very well that you are not following your mother's wishes because she was very clear with what she wanted."
"You don't get to rewrite history."
"You essentially stole for your niece, and now you want to give that stolen item to your child." ~ keesouth
"So to you, your 10-year-old niece had either two choices..."
"Collect the dolls and risk her being seriously injured."
"Leave the dolls and make it to somewhere safely because what's a life worth compared to a porcelain doll?"
"I'm sure your mom would've rather your niece be safe as well."
"You, however, stole from your niece because of your belief that she didn't care about the dolls which makes you an AH."
"So YTA." ~ RaineMist
"YTA. You stole a little girl's inheritance, left to her by her grandmother."
"And you blame said little girl for not prioritizing dolls when in a dangerous and overwhelming situation."
"The doll is your niece's."
"The right thing to do is to honor your mother's wishes." ~ Horror-Reveal7618
"YTA. My mother would return from the afterlife to haunt me for the rest of my days if I tried to pull something like this."
"Your mom gave the dolls to your niece."
"You stole part of a child's inheritance from the grandmother she will never really have a chance to know."
"Start your own doll collection and give your niece her property." ~ Artistic_Ad_9882
"YTA and you're disgusting. Insinuating a SIX-YEAR-OLD didn't care for the dolls trying to escape a scary a** hurricane with her parents?"
"Get all the way over yourself."
"You're literally stealing candy from a baby."
"This is damn near predatory behavior."
"If I were your sister, I'd get the doll and go no contact."
"You can't be trusted, clearly." ~ Albatrossxo
"Nah, YTA."
"This is exactly what my aunt did after my grandma died."
"Every granddaughter was left a porcelain doll that my grandma made to look like us, and my aunt tried taking all of them despite my grandma's wishes."
"I got lucky my mom was able to take mine before she could pack everything my aunt wanted to take." ~ lonely_lovergirl
"YTA. It's a f**king hurricane evacuation, you don't take every sentimental item you own."
"The doll IS NOT YOURS. Period."
"End of statement."
"It doesn't f**king matter how attached you are, you had your chance to ask your mother for one and you didn't."
"Give her the f**king doll." ~ ScroochDown
"YTA, the dolls were not yours to give."
"Your grandma gave them to your niece, even tho she could've given them to you."
"She did not!"
"Right now you're being a thief."
"End of story." ~ Mistress_Anissa
"YTA. You are going against your mother's direct wishes and stealing from your niece."
"Give her the doll; it doesn't belong to you whether you like it or not." ~ Conscious-Shoulder14
"YTA. I haven't seen such a clear-cut case in a long time."
"You stole a child's possession."
"Give it back." ~ thought
"YTA you ignored your late mother's expressed wish."
"The rest of your piece is trying to justify your selfish actions." ~ Foundation_Wrong
"YTA. Boo! You suck." ~ numanuma_
OP, you have a rough situation on your hands here.
Reddit is clearly not in your corner.
The doll was never intended to be yours.
Everyone understands your feelings, but this doll doesn't belong to you.
It sounds like a lot of grief is still stirring here.
But you may need to give this doll to your niece.
Or maybe ask her to buy it?
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp