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Redditor Refuses To Help Wife Recover From Cosmetic Surgery Because They Don’t Agree With It

Photo by Olga Guryanova/Unsplash

Oh the things we’ll do to ourselves in the hunt to be perfect.

We spend a lifetime never loving ourselves as we are.


It can cause many a distressing situation.

And it can lead to strife with those that love us.

Case in point…

Redditor CharacterAd1011 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my wife I won’t help her recover from cosmetic surgery, because I don’t agree with her reasons for getting it?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My wife was born into a family struggling to make ends meet.”

“By the time she was in late elementary, they were solid middle class, and by high school F[ather] I[n] L[aw] was making seven figures easy and his business has only continued to expand.”

“This has resulted in a lot of insecurities for my wife and she was constantly comparing herself to the girls at her new school who had grown up so differently.”

“FIL ended up leaving her mom about 7 years ago for his current wife.”

“My wife has always been jealous of this specific woman due to her having a lot of qualities my wife wishes she could have.”

“I have done my best to support her.”

“Well recently S[ister] I[n] L[aw] got cosmetic surgery and my wife is shocked at how natural it looks.”

“SIL made a comment about now that she has it, she doesn’t feel so uncomfortable being around their stepmother.”

“My wife came to me about a week after that conversation, and said that she would like to get cosmetic surgery.”

“I was against the idea and expressed that she was beautiful.”

“She said in reality she knows she is average, and since she has the money why not.”

“I asked if it had anything to do with her stepmom and she got mad at me.”

“But said her sister was right and it is just awkward being around her.”

“I told her I don’t approve of cosmetic surgery in general.”

“And if she wants to do it, I can’t stop her, but I’m not going to take care of her after.”

“We have two young kids who will need me, and i feel like I would be compromising my principles and going along with something I find unhealthy.”

“She called me an a**hole and said it is my job as her husband.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. It sounds like your wife needs therapy, not plastic surgery.”

“I’m not entirely against plastic surgery, but far too often people use it as a shortcut to avoid addressing what are really psychological issues.”

“Which is insane because even the simplest and most common surgeries pose major health risks.”

“You don’t let people cut your body open unnecessarily. That’s just logic.”

“The fact that your wife reacted the way she did when you asked her about her stepmother.”

“And that you know that she’s had issues around her self-esteem that center more on external social concerns than anything actually notably wrong with her body speaks to the fact that what she likely needs is a good therapist.”

“Not to have her body cut into.”

“You are absolutely NTA for telling her that you cannot support her taking medical risks IN ANY WAY.”

“As your partner and the mother of your children, when you don’t think she’s doing it for healthy reasons.”  ~ FoolMe1nceShameOnU

“Lots of women have plastic surgery for lots of reasons!”

“My sister lost a ton of weight a few years ago, has maintained that loss, and is now looking into what is essentially a mummy makeover.”

“It involves the same procedures – removing loose skin from her belly and a boob job because she now has a pair of spaniel ears where her boobs used to be.”

“Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.”

“She’s in her 20s, single and wants to enjoy the body she’s worked hard for without having to tuck loose belly skin into her waistband and wearing padded bras to give her boobs some shape.”

“All cosmetic surgery is motivated by wanting to look and feel better.”

“In OP’s wife’s case I don’t think it really matters where the motivation came from because she’s trying to feel better in herself and she thinks surgery might help.”

“Talking it through with a therapist is still a good idea to make sure it will genuinely help her.”

“But if it’s going to give her confidence and it’s not tanking the family finances to pay for it then why not!”  ~ Pookie103

There were a mixed thoughts on the matter…

“This is ridiculous to me.”

“Absolutely yes, encourage her to get therapy and try to work through her self confidence issues – but she is a grown ass adult woman.”

“Saying she’s an AH for wanting surgery, that she can afford, for her own body? Really?”

“Just like OP, you have very little faith in her judgment.”

“I would just about guarantee she’s fully aware of the risks and has discussed with SIL all the ins and outs.”

“There would also be a medical consultation where she can fully assess if this is what she wants or not. Good grief.”  ~ UsefulCauliflower3

“But then he risks her health further by not helping her recover??”

“Makes total sense, that’s as if someone smokes, gets lung cancer and then their partner refuses to help them because it was self inflicted because they’re morally against smoking.” 

“Literally, If she has the money and knows the risk what’s the big freaking deal?”

“Very few cosmetic surgeries are irreversible anyway.”

“Unless it’s like a nose job or something but if she just does her research and does the work to find the doctor that’s right for her why shouldn’t she have a surgery she wants to?”

“Since when did you need your partners approval to alter your appearance.”

“If he didn’t like blondes would she be an AH for dying her hair?” ~ Alternative-Pea-4434

“You have no right to try to control people’s personal decisions this way; if you don’t want cosmetic surgery, don’t have any.”

“OP is being a controlling vindictive husband instead of a supportive spouse.”

“He is making his feelings and opinion more important than hers, which is abusive and controlling.”

“He can disagree with her, but he still needs to support her in her decisions regarding her own body.”  ~ OlympiaShannon

“I’m trying to imagine a scenario where you’re watching your significant other in pain and in need of assistance with something post surgery.”

“You’re fully able to assist, and you tell them they’re on their own instead that doesn’t make you a pretty awful partner, and I can’t think of one.”

“YTA, not because you disagree with her reasons for the surgery.”

“But because you’re willing to literally let her physically suffer to punish her for doing something you disagree with.”

“I’d be surprised if your marriage came through that unscathed.”  ~ Missscarlettheharlot

“I don’t think I agree with this take.”

“If he sprung his intentions on her at the last second, that would be one thing.”

“Then if he refused to help her when she needed it, he’d be T A, hands down.”

“But he’s telling her well ahead of time.”

“That turns the tables.”

“Now she has plenty of time to make alternative arrangements.”

“If she doesn’t, and puts him in the position of being the only person who can care for her, then she’d totally be T A.”

“And he’d be right to question the relationship at that point, if she’d do something like that to him.”  ~ ziptasker

“Supporting your significant other into a burning building isn’t a marriage.”

And anyone who does this without saying or doing something is what AITA calls a doormat.”

“OP refuses to be one.”

“He married her for who she is, not what she wants to become with this surgery.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time someone got cosmetic surgery and their significant other hated to even look at them as their whole personality changed along with their appearance.”

“Some things are just deal breakers.”

“They should attempt therapy to reconcile the self esteem issues the wife has and if nothing else get them to a place where he can see himself supporting her, in whatever manner.”

“Because he’ll be able to understand and empathize with her reasoning.”

“If they do that and still come out split, well that’s what the lawyers are for.”

“Since he was brave and stated from the get-go that he doesn’t support this endeavor and will not be a part of it if it happens, OP is NTA.”  ~ Itajel

“NTA …you don’t have to support unhealthy behavior just because you’re married.”

“And wanting plastic surgery because you’re intimidated by you step mother is hella unhealthy.”  ~ Randa08

Well it feels like a bit of a mixed bag in the feedback department.

This is a serious issue to work through for sure.

OP… a little couple’s counseling couldn’t hurt.

Good luck.