When a person loses their keys or phone, it can feel like the end of the world.
All action in life comes to a screeching stop.
Losing them can cause significant stress for many.
Redditor flux-7 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA? Wife lost keys and I suggested places to look.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This morning I (39 M[ale]) was on the train to work when my wife (39 F[emale]) called to say she had lost her keys.”
“She was flustered because she was about to take our daughter to school.”
“Realizing if they could not be found, I was going to have to get off at the next stop and head back to let her in and cancel my in-office day (our policy is 2/5 days).”
“Since the train was moving, the first thing I said was suggesting places she could look (yesterday’s coat, work bag), to which she told me obviously she had looked in those places.”
“She was then getting angrier because our daughter was telling her they had to leave, and I was stating the obvious.”
“So I said I’d get off at the next stop and come back to let her in.”
“I arrived back, and she thanked me and apologized for the inconvenience outside.”
“Inside and getting set up to work, she told me I was degrading her by asking her to look in all these places when she needed an instant solution (come back).”
“I told her I was trying to help by suggesting places to double-check, and she needs to not see it as degrading when I was on a moving train, so until I could get off and return it, it didn’t hurt to ask and double-check.”
“She kept telling me I was degrading still, then, as I explained that wasn’t my intent, she turned the TV up, snapped that she needed to hear the TV, and to shut up.”
“The TV was talking about some changes that affect her job.”
“I said she was rude, and she could have paused it.”
“Things then snowballed into a bigger argument.”
“She stands by the fact that I was degrading her by treating her stupidly for asking to check places she obviously already looked, and I should have come home and been more supportive and hugged her to say I didn’t mean to make her feel stupid.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“She lost her keys, but you’re being degrading by trying to help?”
“Man, she sucks.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ FuriousMarshmallow
“Right? My husband showing up to unlock my car after driving 25 miles to my work and leaving work early to do it makes him my hero.”
“This woman needs to get her head right.” ~ kimsart
“NTA and time to throw an AirTag on the key ring.” ~ Ok-Office6837
“First: WHERE WERE THE KEYS?!?”
“NTA. If you were sitting in the other room hollering out places to look, that would be annoying.”
“But on the train on your way to work, where returning home is a huge inconvenience, means you try the easiest solutions first.” ~ TortiTrouble
“NTA. Her inability to keep track of her items is not your fault or responsibility.”
“While it was kind of you to go back home and let her in, she needs to realize this won’t be an option every time.”
“If this is a common issue, get a spare key and hide it somewhere outside that only you two know about.” ~ JetbIackmoon
“This is the closure I needed.”
“You are NTA, but maybe next time, if she’s not taking your suggestions, just stop suggesting.”
“I have to do the same with my wife.” ~ FLOHTX
“OP, you do know that not all arguments can be diffused ‘with hugs,’ right?”
“Sometimes you have to, you know, like, actually communicate with each other!”
“Anyway, you’re NTA; it sounds like your wife is a poor communicator, and is possibly stressed about her employment situation (government shutdown?).”
“Hopefully you guys can talk it out and THEN hug it out.” ~ llorensm
“Wow, is she for real?”
“It is a natural human reaction to try to be helpful and suggest places to look, even if they seem obvious. NTA.”
“Her reaction was immature and overly dramatic.” ~ fernbend
“One time, my boyfriend called me panicking, on the verge of tears, because he couldn’t find one of our cats (we’d lost one fairly recently to an accident involving some heavy furniture).”
“I couldn’t leave work.”
“I couldn’t make him magically appear, but I COULD stay calm and suggest places to look.”
“I suggested a couple of obvious places that had already been checked, but I also suggested under the bed, and reminded him that Ducky had recently started going deep into the blankets down there and maybe it was worth a second look.”
“And that’s exactly where he was.”
“My boyfriend had been looking so frantically that he’d missed him, but having me there, even over the phone, had helped him calm down, and I’d given him a direction to look.”
“And sometimes that’s what we need when we can’t find something, especially if we are getting upset or frantic about it.”
“Your wife needed her keys to leave, so it only made sense to help her think of places to check that she might have missed in her panic. NTA.” ~ TheGayEmbalmer
“Gotta love cats!”
“When I had emergency surgery, I was hospitalized for a few days, and my mother had to pet sit for me, and she started texting me saying she’d lost one of my cats right when the surgeon came to tell me what a fiasco the surgery was.”
“I told her Addie was under the couch, she kept insisting she wasn’t there, I kept telling her she wasn’t looking hard enough because it’s where Addie always goes when she’s fleeing in terror of something.”
“And yes — she was indeed there.” ~ TheNightTerror1987
“NTA; I think it’s normal for people to suggest where to look if someone lost something.” ~ Smooth_Science_2661
“And sometimes to find things in places that have already been checked.”
“My husband will ‘check’ a bag/shelf/drawer for whatever, then ask me if I know where it is, and when I check the bag/shelf/drawer I find it.”
“His ‘looking’ is pretty cursory, especially when he’s in a hurry. NTA.” ~ PrairieRunner_65
“NTA. She isn’t mad about the supposed ‘degrading’ treatment; she’s mad because she’s embarrassed she lost her keys.”
“She needs to put on her big girl pants and not lock herself out of the house, and have a better solution than calling you to interrupt your own workday, and also not take her frustrations out on you.”
“You did not lose her keys.”
“Info: Where were the keys, and how did she manage to lock herself out without them?” ~ MarionberryPlus8474
“NTA. I could see her reacting this way in the moment because she was upset.”
“After the problem was solved and she had time to think about it, her reaction doesn’t make sense.”
“I think all of us can think of a time in life where we couldn’t find something and then found it in an obvious place.”
“When we get stressed, sometimes our brains don’t work right.” ~ Individual_Check_442
“NTA. She is mad at herself and taking it out on you.”
“SHE did something stupid… she lost her keys.”
“You could have said that you were going to work, and she would have had to figure it out, but you came back and helped.”
“She owes you an apology.” ~ Sheibe123
“NTA. My son was snippy with me this morning, questioning me about grabbing the spare keys, too.”
“But seriously, his keys have an AirTag on them that pinged to a park he was at on Friday.”
“I questioned, and he said the AirTag fell out of the case (ie, he was fiddling with it) and the keys are likely in the house.”
“Like, WTF, kid, you’ve had four days to retrieve the AirTag and find the keys.”
“He’s not getting the car back to use until he has his car key with an AirTag on it, replacing it at his cost if necessary.”
“Then I saw he took just the spare key to his car off the spare keys keychain, so it’s all rogue and AirTag less too.”
“I kept that key for 12 years!”
“He’d better find it.” ~ redpoppy42
“NTA. If someone does something careless and wants me to drop everything during an inconvenient time to help clean up their mess, I will check that they’ve done what they can.”
“Sometimes flustered people aren’t as careful with remedying the situation as they otherwise would be.”
“It doesn’t hurt to double-check.”
“I can’t tell you how many times someone has asked for my help finding something only for me to find the item instantly, sometimes in an obvious place that they swore they checked.”
“And twice in different settings I’ve found people’s keys in freezers… lol.” ~ paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA. She’s transferring her frustration for her own actions onto you.”
“And turning the TV up while you were trying to talk to her is just childish.” ~ GeomEunTulip
OP came back with an Update…
“The keys have been found at her work.”
“I let her in yesterday when she returned home, as I had my hands full, I didn’t look for keys.”
“To clarify some comments, she called me prior to locking herself out.”
“Was about to leave with our daughter, then realized the keys were lost.”
“She called me before deciding what to do.”
“After I said I would return, she took our daughter to school, knowing I would let her back in.”
Reddit is 100% with you, OP.
You were the hero of the day.
It sounds like she is feeling frustrated and embarrassed.
Hopefully, y’all can have a calmer, more productive talk soon.
Good Luck.