It’s no secret that weddings are expensive, but honeymoons have become increasingly expensive, as well, and it would be any couple-to-be’s dream to receive a funded honeymoon.
But if they knew in advance that they’d receive such a large gift, it would stand to reason that they would be especially kind to whoever was gifting it to them, reasoned the folks in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor yeloooooo was extremely happy for his sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law on their wedding, and he was happy to fund their honeymoon for them, since he was financially able.
But when his sister snubbed his girlfriend of five years and disinvited her from the wedding after she decided to downsize, stating that she only wanted to invite “real family,” the Original Poster (OP) no longer felt comfortable offering such an incredible gift.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to pay for my sister’s honeymoon after she changed her wedding plans last minute?”
The OP planned to gift his sister and brother-in-law (BIL) with a paid-for honeymoon.
“My (32 Male) sister (28 Female) got married last month, and I was super excited for her.”
“A few months before the wedding, I offered to pay for their honeymoon as a gift. I’d saved up for it, and I wanted to do something special because she’s my only sibling.”
“We agreed on a destination, and I booked everything: flights, hotel, excursions, the works.”
But at the last minute, the OP felt slighted by his sister.
“But three weeks before the wedding, my sister called me to say she and her fiancé decided to turn their big wedding into a small backyard ceremony.”
“No big deal, it’s their wedding, their choice.”
“But then she casually added, ‘Oh, and by the way, we’re inviting only immediate family, so you can still come, but you can’t bring your girlfriend.'”
“For context, my girlfriend and I have been together for five years. She’s basically part of the family and was really looking forward to coming.”
“I tried to talk to my sister about it, but she said they wanted to ‘keep it small’ and that she hoped I’d understand.”
“My girlfriend was hurt, but we decided to let it go and just roll with it.”
The OP no longer felt comfortable with the gift he had originally planned.
“The wedding was fine, but it felt weird without my girlfriend there.”
“Afterward, my sister asked when they’d get the details for their honeymoon, and I told her I’d decided not to pay for it anymore.”
“I explained that it didn’t feel fair to exclude my girlfriend from the wedding but still expect such a big gift from me. She got upset and said I was being petty and trying to ruin her big moment.”
“Now my parents are involved, saying I should have just sucked it up and that family comes first.”
“My girlfriend thinks I was justified and appreciates me standing up for her, but I’m starting to second-guess myself.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some empathized with the OP and applauded him for standing up for his relationship.
“NTA. Your sister’s actions were inconsiderate. You’re not petty for standing up for your girlfriend, who is a huge part of your life.”
“She excluded someone who’s been with you for five years and now expects you to fork out a huge gift? That’s entitled.” – hvsdfgv
“This bridezilla doesn’t realize the gift was coming from their household, and it doesn’t matter if OP is married or not. That’s his significant other she chose not to include/invite.” – wenchywitchy
“If they wanted to exclude someone important to OP, they shouldn’t be shocked when OP adjusted the gift accordingly.”
“I legit cannot believe the sister would be this stupid. If someone is doing something super generous for you, you don’t turn around and s**t on the person they love. So short-sighted. Clearly NTA.” – MarkingOut2U
“NTA. Family comes first; that family is your girlfriend, the one you chose, not the one you were born with.”
“If your sister feels that your girlfriend should be excluded, then you have no obligations towards her at all.” – NefariousnessFresh24
“NTA. Your girlfriend is family, and you’re putting her first. Beyond that, they kept it a small wedding, so they get a small gift. And if your parents have an issue with it, they can pay for the honeymoon by splitting it amongst themselves.” – Freeverse711
“NTA. She excluded your girlfriend for a reason, not to keep it small. It’s your right to decide on the kind of gift, not your sister’s. Entitlement ahead, good on you to have taken the exit.”
“Treat yourself and your girlfriend with the money to something nice.” – hardlyevatoodrunktof
“A girlfriend of five years should not have been excluded. Hope she doesn’t hold resentment toward your sister because the future is going to be awkward if she does.”
“You should have held your ground on the girlfriend going to the wedding. You caved too easily.”
“That said, your sister doesn’t deserve s**t.” – Any-Expression2246
“NTA. What she did is a classic case of ‘biting the hand that feeds you.’ If your gift was just some nominal item, like a $50-$100 item from their registry, then I’d say YTA.”
“But considering your gift probably costs more than what 99 percent of 32-year-old men in America would ever spend on a wedding gift for their sibling, I’d say, yeah, if she even looks at you the wrong way, you have the right to cancel it.” – Birvin7358
“Since they opted for the small wedding, I’m assuming to save money they now have the money for the honeymoon.”
“I still don’t get the mentality of family comes first, because what is family? OP, you’ve chosen a life with your girlfriend, and you don’t need a piece of paper to define such as ‘family’ you are already.”
“NTA. The disrespect by all involved claiming family is appalling.” – Cmkevnick6392
“If you’ve been together five years, are your finances somewhat mingled with your girlfriend, in that the gift would have also come from your girlfriend?”
“If so, that’s a great out. Why would she help pay for a gift for a wedding she didn’t attend? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you, or you know, funds your honeymoon.” – Internal_Lifeguard29
Others encouraged the OP to hold his ground and maybe spend the money another way.
“NTA. I would tell her, ‘I decided to keep my gift small. I hope you’ll understand.'” – Dips**tistan
“Your girlfriend is your family. Family comes first. Your girlfriend comes first. Maybe you two should take the honeymoon?” – Fragrant_Durian_4967
“I’d tell the sister, in a way to not throw my girlfriend under the bus, ‘She didn’t say anything to me about it, but I know that my girlfriend’s feelings were hurt that you didn’t consider her family. To make her feel better, I’m taking her on your honeymoon. We’ll send pictures!'” – LeadershipMany7008
“NTA.”
“They thought they could save the moolah and have a kicka** holiday at your expense.”
“Yeah, no way. Take your partner instead. She deserves it after being left out like that.”
“Your sister can pay for her own d**n honeymoon since they opted for a smaller wedding ceremony.” – Cracker_Bites
“If they wanted to save money with a small wedding, they shouldn’t expect you to foot the bill for their luxury honeymoon. Taking your girlfriend is a way better idea!”
“Then, if you’re both in that place, you should elope while you’re away. Save the drama of wedding invitations and everything else with your family.”
“Your sister needs a reality check after pulling a stunt like that, and your family needs one for backing her up. Put a ring on it, enjoy your honeymoon, and enjoy your life together!” – becomeprsa
“Your girlfriend has been with you for five years, not five months. Your girlfriend is family to you.”
“Just take that money you saved up and go on vacation with your girlfriend. Besides, with the money your sister saved on having a small backyard wedding, she can fund her own honeymoon.”
“There’s nothing wrong with standing your ground on this. Like I said, your girlfriend has been with you for five years, not five minutes or five days or five months, but five YEARS, so she is family.”
“If she was excluded because your sister didn’t want her there, then that’s her choice, but she has to live with her actions by excluding someone important to you, and since she can exclude her, you can choose to not pay for the honeymoon.”
“So like I said, with all the money she saved on her small wedding, she can use the rest of that money to pay for her own honeymoon.”
“If you pay for that honeymoon, then you are basically telling them they have a right to hurt the people you care about and will continue to exclude important people in your life. So yes, you are justified.”
“Just know you aren’t an AH. Use that money to go on a nice getaway with your girlfriend, and if you still feel bad about not sending a gift, then send her a 25-dollar Visa card and call it a day. That card is enough for your sister to get herself something or she can put that to use however she wants.” – CODE_NAME_DUCKY
After being together for five years and being accepted by the family, it would seem reasonable for a bride to include an invitation for a long-term girlfriend, even at a small wedding.
By disinviting her brother’s girlfriend from her wedding, after already inviting her and on short notice, it made total sense to the subReddit that the OP and his girlfriend would feel snubbed, and that he wouldn’t want to fund such an expensive gift after that.