Dinner parties are a fun and stress-free way of having fun with friends, right?
Not for Redditor jennysaysfu.
The Original Poster (OP) had such a bizarre experience at the end of a recent dinner party that they took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for guidance.
They asked,
“AITA for not wanting to pay for dinner?”
The OP went on to explain the story.
“Typing this out sounds insane and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong but I need to know.”
“A friend invited me to a dinner party at her house a few weeks ago, the actual dinner party was last night.”
“I asked if I should bring anything, but she said no, it’s not a potluck, she’ll be making dinner for everyone. There were 7 of us total and the food was good.”
“During the meal we were all laughing and called our friend (dinner host) a chef cause she made a big dinner for all of us and we all said how much we appreciated it because it’s hard to get everyone together at the same time.”
“At the end of dinner we all help clean, wash the dishes, then have some wine.”
“It started getting late so people started to head out, and on our way out the dinner host said don’t forget to Venmo/cash app/ zelle her.”
“Some of us were confused because we had no idea what we had to send her. So I ask her, “what am I sending you money for” and she said for cooking dinner.”
“Me: I don’t understand why we should pay?”
“Her: because I spent my money and hosted the dinner and cooked.”
“Me: None of us asked you to, you volunteered to do it, and you never mentioned paying until now.”
“Her: I didn’t do this for free”
“Me: you should’ve told us before you hosted that you expected this. I don’t think it’s fair to just bring this up and expect people to pay.”
“She called me an a**hole and said again that she didn’t spend hours cooking, grocery shopping for free. I have never heard of this. Like ever.”
“We kept arguing, and after a while, I just Venmo’d her the $40 she asked for.”
“I don’t think I’m the a**hole at all, and some of my friends agree with me. Some have said it’s normal to pay for dinner during a dinner party at someone’s house, so now I’m not sure.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA.”
“What your friend did was extremely scummy.”
“She invites all these people to dinner that she is making (no mention of paying before and after this), and then when everyone is done eating and finished cleaning, out of the blue, she expects everyone to give her money?”
“If I was expected to pay for a dinner without knowing until after I ate, I would’ve skipped the dinner entirely.”
“Cut contact with this friend. She shouldn’t be hosting dinner parties if she will pull stunts like this”
“‘Some have said it’s normal to pay for dinner during a dinner party at someone’s house.”
“No, no this is not normal. It’s normal at RESTURANTS but at one’s house? This ain’t normal, and it sure isn’t normal to wait until after the food was eaten and everyone helped clean up” – DJ_Too_Supreme
“$40 is a bummer, but in the long run, it’s a small price to pay to learn that your friend is tacky, cheap, has bad manners, and has no social intelligence whatsoever.”
“Consider it part of the cost of doing business as an adult, and handle your relationship with her in the future accordingly.” – saucisse
“NTA”
“Obviously, when you go out to dinner, it’s totally normal to split the bill, but I’ve never been asked for money by someone that invited me over for dinner at their house… that’s definitely not normal.” – Tdluxon
“NTA.”
“You don’t ask for money after. And if you’re hosting, then it’s your responsibility to take care of the costs.”
“I’ve never heard of anyone asking their guests to pay unless I’m another country (US here), and it’s a cultural thing and well known.”
“I wouldn’t have sent her money. She chose what food she was making and how long that would take. She chose to host. No one asked her to do this.” – Interesting-Laugh589
“NTA – I would 100% have not paid her. And $40?!? Yikes! You don’t invite people over to your house for dinner, tell them not to bring anything, and then spring it on them that you expect cash.”
“‘I don’t grocery shop and cook for free.’ – Then don’t host a DINNER PARTY” – the_contrary
“NTA. First of all, it’s really weird to invite people over for a dinner party and then expect them to pay you for it. If you don’t want to spend the money to host a party then…don’t host a party.”
“Regardless of etiquette, if you intend to charge for a dinner (or any other type of gathering), you have to make those expectations clear up front.” – idreaminwords
“NTA”
“I’ve never heard of someone offering to host a large gathering then demanding people pay money after the fact.”
“If she was going to charge for the cooking, shopping, etc. she should have said so upfront.”
“Doing all of that is the duty of being a host. And I’ve never been to a gathering or party where the host did this.”
“She is a total AH for demanding payment for hosting a meal without making that clear upfront.”
“Honestly, I’d drop the AH friend completely.” – bmyst70
“I don’t know which houses those ‘friends’ eat at, but I’ve sure as hell never heard of paying for a home-cooked meal.”
“NTA definitely stand your ground, and personally, this would be a dealbreaker for me” – bl00d_luster
“NTA. This is the newest level of tackiness I have ever heard.”
“If that’s what she wanted to do, she should have told people ahead of time. I have never been invited to someone’s house and been sent an invoice after” – Zookeeper-007
“NTA. She’s a bit entitled, wow.”
“If someone is hosting and sends an invite out without specifying a fee AHEAD of the party, then expect people to just fork over cash after being notified after dinner? Giant. Entitled. A**hole.”
“This person wants to use her friendships to collect cash. That’s not a friend. That’s a catering service. She’s TA.” – IamIrene
“NTA.”
“She invited you for dinner at her house and, when asked if you should bring something, she said no. She should’ve said it from the get-go that she was expecting money.”
“It’s honestly ridiculous that she waited till it was time to leave to tell people ‘pay me for the dinner I invited you to, at my house, and to which I specifically said it wasn’t necessary to bring anything’” – book-sportslover
“NTA”
“You were invited as a guest, not a paying customer.”
“You Venmo’d her the money. Now it’s time to wash your hands of her nonsense–don’t ever accept another invitation from her again. She belongs in the “NOT A FRIEND” Group!” – ItCanBeEasy2405
“NTA. I’ve seriously been seeing this a lot lately, and I can only assume it’s the constant pressure to monetize every little hobby we have because everything is getting so expensive, and we’re all basically paid dirt.”
“Your friend invited you all to a meal, and when asked if you could help out, she refused it. If she was going to ask for a payment, that would have been the time to mention it.”
“At most, I think she could have mentioned that people were welcome to tip her for the effort, but even that is a bit much for an evening you all were invited to.”
“Just make sure that you tell this friend what your upfront cost is for everything she asks from now on, or at least until you all get a proper apology.” – Procyon02
She went on to add to her original post.
“A lot of you have asked what she made, and it was some salad I’ve never heard of. The main course was smoked gouda mashed potatoes with beef short ribs.”
“A desert I forgot the name of (I think she said she bought this from a bakery). She also made vegan mashed potatoes and vegan “ribs” for one of our friends who is vegan.”
“She also made (bought?) chicken skewers as the appetizer.”
“Even though she said not to bring anything, I brought rum cake from my local bakery. And yes, everyone brought something small.”
“We also had charcuterie and cheese board that two of the girls brought. Some girls brought wine, and we even had one girl bring candles to set the mood.”
“We are in the US, and none of are European. I spoke with some of the others, and although they had paid for a dinner party before, it was discussed first.”
“No one has ever done what this friend did, which was spring an unexpected cost on us.”
“All of us are in our early 30s.”
“The group chat is going crazy right now because everyone is pissed at her.”
“Some of us confronted our friend last night about this, and things went all the way left. I’ll post an update later when I can collect my thoughts.”
At least the food was good, but this unexpected bill definitely left a bad aftertaste.