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Mom Won’t Let Pregnant Guest Have Birthday Cake After She Stole BBQ From Her And Son

Pregnant woman cutting birthday cake

We all know there are certain rules when going to a get-together, even when it’s with close friends.

Realistically, you should show up on time, bring a side dish, and always thank the host for the party.

You absolutely should not commandeer all of the host’s food and birthday cake, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Unhappy-Marzipan7911 had a BBQ for her birthday, including her household and her husband’s work friend’s household.

They had always been on civil terms, but when the friend’s wife took all of the food home before the Original Poster (OP) could eat, and then demanded birthday cake, too, that was where she drew the line.

She asked the sub:

“AITAH for not letting a pregnant woman have any of my birthday cake?”

The OP had a few people over for a BBQ birthday dinner.

“My birthday was yesterday, and my husband invited his best friend, Matt, and his best friend’s pregnant girlfriend, Jane, out for a BBQ. They live two houses down from us.”

“It was only us, our three children, them, and their three kids. I spent about $90 on hamburger meat and hotdogs. Matt also showed up with two pounds of hamburger meat.”

“While the guys cooked, I went swimming with all the kids in our pond. Jane sat near the guys on her phone.”

The OP was surprised when she didn’t get to eat a single bite.

“Around 5:30ish, the guys called the kids up for food. My middle child (9) and I weren’t hungry yet so we kept swimming. We spent a good 40+ extra minutes in the pond on our tubes.”

“I wasn’t paying any attention to anything that was going on near the grill.”

“Around 6:15ish was when my husband said that he was going to make a store run for beer, so I told my son that we should probably go eat now.”

“My husband and Matt were gone by the time we got up to the grill, and so was Jane. Well, we get up to the grill, and all the food was gone. Literally everything.”

“I called my husband and asked him where all the food was, and he said that it should be on the grill. I told him that everything was gone.”

“There was a long pause before he said, ‘Jane asked if she could take some for leftovers, but I didn’t think she would take all of it.’ He then told me there were at least eight burgers and 10 hotdogs left, as well as macaroni salad when he left for the store 10 minutes prior.”

“I tell him to call Matt and see where tf all the food was. He did. He then called me back and said that Matt claimed Jane only took ‘a few,’ and that they had already been eaten.”

“But my oldest son (13) straight up tells me he saw Jane walk off our property carrying the entire dish (one of those extra large tin foil BBQ dishes).”

Surprisingly, Jane wasn’t done with the party yet.

“Anyways, I was p**sed at that point. Me and my son hadn’t eaten anything. My husband was also p**sed, but he just grabbed me and my son something from the store instead of making a huge fuss. I don’t really blame him (he and Matt work together, so it is what it is).”

“But anyway, much to my surprise, Jane and her kids came back over 45 minutes later and asked if they could have some of my cake.”

“I told Jane that her kids could but she couldn’t.”

“She asked why and I said, ‘I’m pretty sure you’ve eaten plenty considering you took off with my entire BBQ dinner before me and my son could eat anything.'”

“She tried arguing that my husband told her she could have it, that ‘half of it was hers’ (cause they brought two pounds of hamburger meat), and that she ‘didn’t realize’ my kid and I hadn’t eaten (she was beside the grill the entire time).”

“I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away. She told her kids to ‘Let’s go,’ and they left without cake. Now I’m feeling like I may be the a**hole.”

“Today (the next day), Matt and my husband had work, and Matt mentioned that Jane was up all night crying over it because she is pregnant and feels targeted.”

“She swears she would never have taken the food if she knew we hadn’t eaten and that ‘pregnancy brain’ got the best of her.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were appalled at Jane’s entitlement. 

“A normal person would take the leftovers at the end of the get-together, as they were leaving. it seems like she rushed them home just to ‘secure’ them; she didn’t even say bye to OP??” – Waffles-McGee

“There is a difference between taking leftovers and acting like a locust and wiping it all out.”

“I am amazed that she didn’t take the cake with her the first time she left.” – Freya1957

“First, everyone who wants to eat, should get a chance to.”

“Second, the host packs up, or starts and people help, which triggers the leftover packing.”

“Third, leftovers are usually distributed, not an assumption of a guest taking everything.”

“Jane may have asked the husband some vague question to have some leftovers, but it does not entitle her to take it all, and certainly not to ask everyone if they are eating more first. And coming back for more? Rude. It’s not a service for her to take advantage of.”

“Clearly, no etiquette, no manners.” – Tough_Argument_3316

“It’s really not that Jane took leftovers. The party wasn’t even over. Jane took all the food to her house and then came back for cake.”

“It wasn’t like she was leaving, and OP said, ‘Do you want to take some leftovers?’ She just took the food, scurried home with it, put it in her fridge, then headed back to the party for cake. Unbelievable.” – BecGeoMom

“Everyone will eat once or twice the first time … and then have fruit or dessert after, but the leftovers always stay nearby either on the grill or back in the kitchen. Everyone knows kids will be hungry again after going back in the water.”

“Now at the very END of the day if there’s a lot of food left over, I do encourage my guests to take food home with them. I’d rather it gets eaten than thrown out later. But if Jane wants to play tit for tat (because supposedly she bought half the food ) she would only be entitled to HALF the leftovers … Do better, Jane!!” – Entire-Adeptness4416

“I’ve never even asked a host if I could take leftovers. It used to be that anything you brought to contribute to the party was up to the discretion of the host to dole out afterwards, and in some ways, a thank you to the host for letting their home and equipment be used.”

“The host would generally offer back items that were unused, or that had a significant amount left over. Many hosts would package up leftovers, but it was always small amounts, a little taste of whatever had a lot left.” – HappyLucyD

Others agreed and pointed out that it being the OP’s birthday made this so much worse.

“She took OP’s BIRTHDAY SUPPER… can we also make note of that. Are they food insecure? If not no excuses this is atrocious behaviour. OP, I’m mad for you.” – Technical_Goosie

“Who the heck packs ALL THE FOOD at a party THAT ISN’T THEIRS while the party is STILL GOING ON then claims it was leftovers? Some people got issues for real.”

“NTA.” – 1hotsauce2

“NTA. Who leaves a party with all the leftovers and then has the gall to return for more?!” – NotShockedFruitWeird

“Now it’s ‘pregnancy brain’? I thought she insisted to your face that she’d been given the explicit go-ahead to absolutely clean you out of all your birthday dinner. She quickly skedaddled back to her house with YOUR birthday dinner and had the audacity to tell you she’d been given permission to take everything.”

“Now she’s throwing a crying tantrum because ‘pregnancy brain made me do it’? Girl, ‘made’ you do what? She told the hostess ‘tough s**t, I was allowed,’ and now she’s crying in self-pity because she knows she looks bad for stealing and everyone knows she lied? For acting like a toddler who didn’t get cake? How trashy.” – cicada_noises

“I mean she did already leave OP, on her birthday, AT HER OWN BIRTHDAY BBQ, to watch ALL SIX KIDS (three of hers, three of Jane’s) ALONE while swimming in the pond, so Jane could do f**k-all.”

“She was doing a whole lot of ‘not thinking’ that day. Then again, I’m quite sure if OP looks back on past interactions with Jane, she will notice that this is just one instance out of a long line of a**holish things Jane has done that were likely excused away at the time. I mean who is THAT much of a jerk intentionally?”

“Jane. Jane is. That’s who.” – CatmoCatmo

“Oooo, I’d totally take Matt aside and express concern that they’re in financial trouble. Alert him to free food pantries in the area and commiserate over the appetites of children. Tell him it’s okay to ask for help. Parenting and budgeting are hard, etc.”

“Maybe a little concerned condescension will communicate how… unusual… it is for someone to grocery shop at somebody else’s birthday party. If your husband is down for this approach, it would be more impactful/shaming if HE did it. Nothing like pity from a peer to drive the point home.” – PieMarchGeneSeed513

A few shared their own experiences with people like Jane. 

“Your post reminded me of a story about my parents. My employer used to have an annual family picnic and it was basically all you can eat BBQ. My mom used to work at the same company, so my first time going to the picnic I invited my parents to come along. NEVER AGAIN.”

“They spent the entire event going back and forth collecting plate after plate of BBQ stuff, literally plates stacked one on top of each other, carrying it to the car then going right back… all the while I’m trying to interact with my new coworkers and hoping they don’t notice what my parents are doing. Instead of socializing they’re hoarding free meat. I also want to mention that my parents don’t have food security issues.”

“Anyways, when we parted ways my mom sent me a Facebook message that said ‘Made it home. Got meat for three days!!! Great picnic.'”

“Based on the number of plates they had stacked and how many trips back and forth to the car they made, I think she underestimated how many days the meat would last. I did not ever invite them back to the picnic.”

“I told my sister about it and showed her the Facebook message and now our inside joke is saying, ‘meat for days’ to each other. But no, surprisingly none of my coworkers said anything about it (to me at least haha).” – eys-

“You’d love my in-law. I hosted a get-together dinner with all my cousins. I spent one thousand dollars on A5 Wagyu slabs for everyone. At the end of the dinner, my cousin’s husband mentioned that the steaks were amazing, and me being nice mentioned that he could take some home. He nodded his head and said, ‘I definitely will.'”

“I went back to boozing and socializing, and I turned my head around to the kitchen and the motherf**ker was packing up both slabs into foil. I walked over and told him I hadn’t finished splitting that yet and politely asked him to put both down… so then I had to waste time cutting the slabs into equal portions while the party was still happening.”

“After I finished wrapping everything, the clown ran up to the counter and inspected each portion by hand weighing each one and grabbing the heftiest… I’m just completely bewildered that a family member would do this at this point. You’re never coming back to my house, Dom. I love my cousin, but I have no idea why she married you.” – bautofdi

“My husband and I only got the bit of wedding cake we fed each other. At our own wedding. Because his aunt took the rest of the cake to a f**king picnic after we left. We barely got any leftovers, but none of the cake that I paid for myself.”

“She never apologized, and his whole family didn’t see why I was angry.”

“People see ‘free food’ and think they can just take what they want.” – Gallifrey912

It was problematic enough for a mom to leave her kids without another mom without asking while she waited by the pool, doing nothing. It was additionally problematic to take all of the remaining food home when the party wasn’t even in “leftovers” territory yet.

But to take the host’s birthday dinner home, before the host could eat, and then cry over not having some of her birthday cake? Jane is who not to be when going to a party!

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.