Getting a new home—whether a person rents or owns it—is a hectic time. Everything from the old home must be packed and moved to the new one, then unpacked and put in its place there.
Not exactly an ideal time to play host to a major birthday bash complete with overnight houseguests.
A younger sister facing a recent move and a demand to play host turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
No_Western_30 asked:
“AITA for not allowing my sister to have her birthday party in my house?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (26, male) and I (24, female) just bought our first home recently, and we’ve worked incredibly hard to get here. We don’t come from money, and everything we have, we’ve earned ourselves.”
“We are very close to my side of the family and see them nearly everyday. I’ve always kinda been the black sheep of the family, because I am the only one that has set boundaries.”
“Anyway, a week after my husband and I moved in, my (26, female) sister sent me an invitation to her birthday party, which she planned to hold at our new house. I want to note that she had briefly asked me about hosting the party here a few days earlier, and I told her I wasn’t sure because we still had a lot of unpacking to do.”
“Clearly, that wasn’t a concern for her, and she went ahead and made the invitation days later, inviting extended family who live several hours away and would need to stay a night or two.”
“Since we’re still settling in, we don’t have extra beds or much furniture yet, and my husband and I didn’t feel ready to host what it felt like a large gathering so soon. When we haven’t even planned a housewarming party yet.”
“Both of us work full-time and have limited time to unpack, so things are moving slowly.”
“I told my sister that we’d be open to having a smaller, more intimate celebration—just immediate family and maybe one or two close friends. I also explained that this move has been a huge transition for me, and I’m still getting used to the new city and lifestyle, and while I wanted to celebrate her, I didn’t feel ready for a big party.”
“After that, she stopped responding to me.”
“The next day, I went to my parents’ house during my lunch break, and my dad came outside to tell me that they don’t want to see me. He said I was being selfish for turning down my sister’s request, that I had hurt the whole family.”
“Now my family refuses to speak to me until I apologize, and they’ve called me ungrateful and a narcissist. I don’t know if I was in the wrong or if I made a big deal about it and unintentionally hurt my family.”
“So, AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Was I wrong for not allowing her to have her party in my house ? Was I the a**hole for not considering her feelings?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a **hole (NTA).
“NTA. No wonder you’ve had to set boundaries with your family! It’s utterly ridiculous that they feel like she’s entitled to your space like this.”
“You’d best contact those extended family members before they make travel arrangements, because it doesn’t sound like she’s going to. Or, at best, she’ll tell them it’s cancelled and it’s all your fault so you’ll look terrible.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“This is just ridiculous!! NTA at all. Tell your family miscommunication is running rampant, because you NEVER gave her an OK to start with.”
Are people afraid of hearing both sides of the story/argument? I swear, it seems all the families on Reddit just jump to a side & never allow the other person to defend themselves. Instead, they’re labeled just an a**hole or selfish.” ~ East_Bee_7276
“Let all of the family know you agreed to NOTHING! Your entitled sister wrongly assumed you’d be a pushover.”
“You’ve hardly moved in and are living in chaos. Like thousands of others, I’ve been there—trying to juggle unpacking and working full time is like knitting fog.”
“Let people know YOU will invite them to a housewarming at a later date when it is convenient for you. But don’t invite your sister, parents or anyone else who has condemned you for not being a pushover.”
“They are the ones who need to apologise, not you!” ~ Wooden_Opportunity65
“Your sister figured that once the invitations were sent, you would have to comply, OP. You have, unfortunately, enabled her by offering to have even a small party.”
“Don’t. Tell her that she needs to cancel, and that you won’t be home. Put up some cameras inside and out, and call the police if they try to break in or have a party in your yard without you.”
“If you start giving in to this kind of malarkey things will only get worse, and you become family party central. NTA.” ~ Swedishpunsch
“Her family won’t care. They clearly don’t view OP as having legitimate authority to say no to having her family in her house, so who cares if sister stomped a few boundaries to get what they believe is the ideal outcome?”
“They view OP as a stingy wealth hoarder, because in their world, you’re not allowed to have something nice without sharing it with everyone until it is all squandered.”
“It’s typical crabs in a bucket mentality. It makes sense that OP is the black sheep in her family. I say good riddance.” ~ randomcharacheters
“I have a relative like that. I own a house, so to him, it means I’m rich (I’m not), and I’m hoarding wealth and being selfish by not allowing him to come over.”
“He sometimes will just come over with a bunch of people and try to get invited in, and I always refuse. He and his ‘friends’ are bad news.
“They break things, make huge messes, and have no respect for other people’s things.
“This sister sounds a lot like that. You have to keep up the low contact or—better yet— the no contact your family has started.”
“Let them come to you and apologize or you just won’t hear from them until they need something. Either one is a win.” ~ Muffy-Mom
“NTA. You never said yes. You said that you would have to think about it.”
“Your sister is the one who jumped the gun and started planning and inviting people.”
“I don’t understand your dad’s comment about you hurting the whole family. That makes no sense.”
“Definitely don’t apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong.” ~ DogsReadingBooks
“Would not be surprised at all if the parents were the origin of ‘Our place is too small for that. Why not at your sister’s new place, you can have your big party over there’.” ~ Airwolf_von_DOOM
“Wow. Your family is an unkind bunch. Don’t fall for it. Stand strong in your boundaries. Let your parents host. If you keep with your boundaries, maybe they’ll learn them. NTA.” ~ Expensive_Visual_594
“NTA. It’s completely reasonable to set boundaries, especially after just moving into a new home and still getting settled. Hosting a large party with extended family staying over is a huge ask, and it sounds like your sister completely disregarded your initial hesitation.”
“It also seems like she may have told your family a different story, considering how extreme their reaction is.”
“Standing your ground doesn’t make you selfish—it just shows you’re protecting your space and peace. If your family won’t listen to your side, that’s on them, not you.” ~ kingbuggulug
“NTA, and I can see why it was necessary and difficult to set boundaries with your family. A big, red flag clue as to how your sister will treat your house is that she invited people w/o your permission.”
“I think you knew that. So, secure the premises and keep these people away from your house and your life.”
“If you want to keep trying to have contact with your dad, et al, try an e-mail: ‘Dad, how do you suggest we host a party in a house when repairs/renovations are still in progress, we’re not unpacked and there are not enough chairs, and NO beds yet?’.”
“If he actually answers with some BS ideas, reply, ‘Sorry, wish we could but we just can’t’ and repeating as needed.”
“Sorry, in some families, being ‘the black sheep’ is the very best and wisest thing to be.” ~ A-Strange-Peg
“NTA. It’s your house, you decide what happens there and when and to what degree.”
“The way your sister and family are acting is like they want you to treat it like it’s their house as well and they also have a right to it, when it suits them.”
“Obviously that is not the case. If anyone is acting like a narcissist, it’s your sister.” ~ Apprehensive_Bug_826
“NTA. You are not the black sheep because you set boundaries. You are the black sheep because sis is the favorite and your parents are enablers.”
“You work hard to get a home, your family immediately views it as their home that they can do with what they want. You saying no is not allowed. That is the supposed crime they are punishing you for. Telling them no.”
“Here’s the key in all of this. Family is calling you narcissistic for not giving in to their demands. That is what is called projection. That is what you are dealing with.”
“Every reaction you have listed here, from you being the black sheep for standing up for yourself, sister ignoring your boundary, your parents supporting her, them using such terms as ungrateful and blaming you for what is not your fault in the least, are classic signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship with your family.” ~ WhereWeretheAdults
It sounds like the break OP’s family are pushing onto her for not acquiescing to her sister’s demands are a gift for the OP.
Hopefully she enjoys thd period of no contact.