Having a housesitter or a petsitter in your home is a calculated gamble. Sometimes things go great, other times it’s a disaster.
A spouse dealing with their husband’s friend turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after issues when he house and dog sat for them.
Capable_Candy6712 asked:
“AITA for not wanting our friend to ever come back to our house after he ate literally everything we owned?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance (let’s call him ‘K’) reached out saying he’d been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped around the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he’d asked for.”
“During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay but ‘forgot his wallet’ or claimed he could only use Apple Pay (not accepted at our local supermarket).”
“He’d eat way more than his share—once my husband and I shared half a pizza and he ate the other half and another whole pizza without contributing. Still, we felt bad for him, so we let it go.”
“We stayed friendly, and a few months later we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care, gym access, etc… I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire (fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc…).”
“When we came back… EVERYTHING was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, snacks, cheese, even my husband’s supplements (creatine, protein, collagen).”
“He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just 2 weeks. I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it’s insane how much was missing.”
“I didn’t confront him except to ask him to replace the pan, which he mocked me about (‘it’s just a pan, why are you making it a big deal?’). I felt deeply disrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened, and wants to hang out.”
“I feel extremely guilty for leaving my puppy with this good-for-nothing. Luckily she’s totally fine and shows no signs that anything bad happened, but at this point I don’t trust anything or anyone anymore.”
“I told my husband I don’t want him in our home ever again. My husband says I’m being too harsh, and if he wants to stay friends, that’s his choice, but I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected.”
“I think it’s because we live outside our home country, and it’s not that easy for my husband to make friends here. I feel like he’s being overly patient because he’s very lonely.”
“Still, I do realize this is something I need to talk to him about. I just needed a bit of validation, but I do plan to have a conversation with him on different terms.. because a real friend doesn’t do these kind of things.”
“So… AITA for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house?”
The OP later added:
“In the country where we live, it’s common to rent rooms by the week. Renting apartments is very expensive and hard to access, so it’s very common to have roommates who don’t necessarily rent for the whole month.”
“Just to be clear, I’ve traveled thousands of times before and either brought my dog with me or paid for a dog sitter. This time, when we told him we were going on vacation, he had told us he was really struggling financially and having a hard time paying the rent for his room.”
“We offered this as a favor that would work for both of us.”
“Don’t worry—if I need to pay for a dog sitter, I’m more than happy to, but I’d rather pay someone experienced who knows what they’re doing. If he wasn’t okay with it, he could’ve just suggested getting paid instead of stealing food, supplements, and who knows what else.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I cut him off completely and told my husband I don’t want him back in our house, even though he thinks I’m overreacting.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, this guy robbed you. Unless he was running a mukbang, there’s no way he could eat that much. He crossed a boundary when you were trying to help. Your hubby needs to stand up for you, you’re supposed to be a unit and you’re justifiably upset.” ~ OptimistPrime527
“Even if you ignore the food issues, this is a guy who they were doing a huge favour for, who broke something of theirs and instead of replacing it, instead of apologising for the breakage, actually mocked OP when they brought the subject up. That’s not the action of a friend.” ~ Normal-Height-8577
“Seriously… were I housesitting for a friend and ruined a pan, I’d have it replaced before they even got back.” ~ StNowhere
“He didn’t consume all the food in that time, he emptied your place and took it back to his to last him a while. He stole from you like he was on a shopping spree.” ~
“He stole all the food, probably some cleaning supplies & paper products. Friends don’t steal from each other. I don’t understand the husband excusing this.”
“The man is trash. The next time, this guy will steal lots of valuables (tv, jewelry, computers, etc). All with the husband’s permission.” ~ MissPatsyStone
“I doubt food is the only thing he nicked. OP should probably do a thorough look through their house to see what’s missing and keep an eye on their accounts. Wouldn’t put it past this guy to rifle through their documents and commit identity theft.” ~ sadcrocodile
“If I was OP I would check the valuables now.” ~ Mkinzer
“NTA this person is not your friend and your husband needs to rethink anyone who mocks his wife over something that person destroyed.”
“This ‘friend’ has little to no respect for either of you. If your husband wants to lessen himself by continuing this one-sided friendship with this guy – it’s on him. However, you do not let anyone who treated your home the way he did back in again.”
“You can decide if you’ll reconsider if this guy apologizes, but he’s not allowed to be in your home alone again.” ~ Cappa_Cail
“I kinda feel like they’re both being doormats, although the husband is obviously worse (and it’s his fault the guy was at their house in the first place).”
“Like, the dude cleans out your entire pantry, and you DON’T CONFRONT HIM? WHY‽‽”
“For that matter, why did they allow him to completely mooch off them and contribute nothing for the three weeks (or more?) preceding?”
“NTA, of course, and the guy is a complete a**hole, but OP and her husband need to learn how to stand up for themselves more.” ~ Geordieqizi
“NTA. CHANGE THE LOCKS! He gets wind from your husband you have an overnight stay elsewhere, he will be restocking again—he made a duplicate key.”
“Tell husband to put on his big boy pants and smell the coffee. Mooch-Boy does NOT come in the door anymore. He can stay friends, but hubby goes to his place. Time for cameras and door camera.” ~ Inside_Major_8078
“They need to check around the house for missing things like cheque books, ID, debit/credit cards they rarely use and don’t keep on them.”
“Keep an eye on their mail. He might have applied for things in their name(s) and would swoop the mail for it from their mailbox before they get to it.”
“Keep an eye on their credit reports for new credit accounts, new addresses.”
“They need to assume he’s gone through every drawer, cabinet, and closet with a fine toothed comb. Also keep on their toes—if he were going to try something along these lines, he’d wait a few months to increase his plausible deniability.” ~ jmking
The OP provided an update:
“My husband works 10 to 12 hours a day in a remote job, so it’s hard for him to find time and people to socialize with. He’s not shy at all—I guess with this friend he just felt a bit more ‘at home’.”
“But this situation was the last straw; we’re not going to stay friends with him. I already talked it over, showed him several of the comments on this post, and he agreed that the right thing to do is have a conversation with him.”
“I’d rather just cut ties. We’ve already seen too many red flags, and we were foolish enough to let empathy and compassion for his financial situation get in the way.”
“Instead of appreciating it, he took advantage of us. I don’t think he deserves another chance, and honestly his ‘friendship’ doesn’t bring anything positive to my life to make up for the bad behavior.”
“He also won’t be coming into my home again.”
It’s good that the OP and their husband are finally on the same page.
This person doesn’t sound like someone who should be welcomed into their home again.