Sometimes we miss details in life.
We can't be vigilant of everything 24/7.
But when a person is housesitting, and things go missing, not paying closer attention, can be a problem.
Case in point...
Redditor Vivien12087 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for not noticing that my dad's Porsche was stolen out of our garage?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm 20 and taking the semester off of college and staying at my parents house while I kind of decide what to do next."
"My dad had a conference in Anaheim and my mom wanted to go so they asked me to stay so I could feed the dogs and just be present in the house."
"They were gone for 1.5 weeks."
"They got home yesterday and my dad started accusing me of driving his 1960s porsche and leaving it at friend's house."
"The car is his baby and he's the second owner, the first was my grandpa."
"I've driven it once in my life and it made me so nervous I never wanted to drive it again."
"I promised him I didn't drive it but the car was gone."
"We called the police and they came out and discovered that the cameras by the garage had been broken."
"And with ring footage from the neighbors and the data from our cameras the car had been stolen about a week ago."
"My dad is despondent because I guess the longer a car theft goes the harder it is to find it."
"I feel so bad."
"He's so mad at me (my mom is too) because I park my XTerra right next to the Porsche and I did not see that it was gone for the entire week."
"I should have noticed but I just didn't."
"Obviously we know the date it was stolen and I must have pulled in and out and parked next to the empty spot dozens of times and I just didn't notice."
"I think my dad wants to kick me out."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"YTA. No way you can justify parking next a car and not noticing it's been gone for a week when the people who drive it are gone."
"This is crazy." ~ Fabulous_Monk_8667
"YTA. Your lack of awareness is… absolutely baffling." ~ asmalltamale
"What in the Ferris Beuller? YTA." ~ teamoosito831
"YTA... how do you not notice a whole car just missing when you're the only one home."
"Like please walk me through it not being weird."
"You're not a child and even if you avoid the car doesn't mean it becomes invisible."
"This is serious because it shows your lack of awareness in your surroundings."
"Take this as a wake up call." ~ nd313
"I must have pulled in and out and parked next to the empty spot dozens of times and I just didn't notice."
"How the hell can you be SO oblivious that you don't even notice and ENTIRE F**KING CAR IS MISSING from your garage FOR A F**KING WEEK???"
"Wake up! I mean...it wasn't a collectible car on a shelf in the living room. It was an ACTUAL SIZE CAR and YOU NEVER NOTICED??????"
"YTA. IF you weren't in on it, which would make more sense than a person NOT noticing a missing car they've NOT been parking next to for an ENTIRE WEEK, then I think you might have also just won the award for 'Most Oblivious Human on the Planet.'" ~ Legion1117
"YTA- if you didn't park next to the empty spot all week I would be more forgiving BUT YOU LITERALLY HAD DOZENS OF CHANCES TO SEE THE CAR WAS MISSING!!" ~ ColdSeason2019
"YTA - They asked you to watch the house."
"You not only didn't (you weren't home that night, interesting) but you then proceeded not to take a mental inventory of one of your fathers most prized possessions."
"If a dog had gotten sick on your watch and you didn't notice would you be here right now?" ~ Striking_Winter_9709
"YTA... and a massive idiot."
"Sorry but you park right next to the car and didn't know it was missing?"
"I'm struggling to see how that can be." ~ No-Map672
"WTF dude? Lol. How can you not notice?"
"They provide you food and a roof and all they asked is to keep an eye on the house."
"And you let a whole Porsche get stolen and you didn't even notice though you park next to it every day??"
"And maybe you didn't notice when you were returning home drunk AF (lets assume that and give you an excuse) but you didn't notice when you were leaving the house as well???" ~ Low_Actuator_3532
"OP isn't a house sitter."
"She is 'taking a semester off' from college and living there."
"Her job was to be there and she just fucked that off too."
"If I were to infer some things from this story, I'd guess that OP has a quite privileged life and two things she's never had much interaction with are responsibility and consequences."
"Just my theory based on what I've read here. YTA." ~ G0mery
"Yeah YTA. They asked you to watch their place which would include the car."
"You parked right next to the vehicle and then the empty spot and just didn't notice?"
"Not sure how that is possible."
"Sorry, but your dad has every right to be mad." ~ EllieClan
"Look it's already been said that YTA for not being on point, so that's as far as I'll rub it in."
"I'm free and off paper so I can actually say shit and not have it bite me."
"Look, the house was being watched."
"Likely for days, if not weeks."
"High end auto theft isn't random."
"The pulls (criminals) likely knew when and where you liked to jerk o**."
"If cameras were busted, they likely set up their own trips to check times of comings and goings."
"Your house was checked, scoped, and got."
"There's a dignitary in Myanmar rockin' that Porsche now."
"Yours truly, a reformed criminal." ~ sZYphYn
"YTA. You need to surrender your driving licence too."
"If you don't notice massive things like this you are not safe on the road and honestly, it sounds like you may need a cater to be safe in your daily life reading your comments."
"There's oblivious and there is so far oblivious you need supervision and an assessment of your abilities and needs as there is something really wrong here." ~ bibbiddybobbidyboo
"YTA for either making up this inane story or being so messed up you didn't notice a very specific and sentimental car that you PARK NEXT TO EVERY DAY was somehow missing." ~ 456080107
"YTA... I am pretty oblivious to things, but when I'm tasked with house sitting I make sure to make sure everything is in order."
"This isn't a didn't notice we ran out of milk situation, this is a so detached from your surroundings that you didn't notice a full blown car that you park next to is missing along with damaged security cameras."
"If you are that oblivious, you really shouldn't be agreeing to look after households when people are out of town." ~ Lalalabambi
A few Redditors thought different...
"No. NTA."
"A bit teenage maybe with your responsibility, but you didn't steal it."
"They went to great lengths to not be noticed and he possibly knows and told the thief himself to come steal it as it's very odd this happened just a couple of days after he left."
"He needs to sit and think who knew he was going?" ~ Interesting_Bake3824
"I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA."
"It sounds like OP might just be extremely head in clouds, and not really give a sh*t about stuff like cars - he wasn't being malicious, just absent minded."
"I can totally relate to this - I have zero interest in cars and would literally probably not notice if a Porsche was missing."
"I think people are being triggered by OPs privilege and family wealth, and out of jealousy are seeing red and punishing him." ~ RevolutionaryFig3113
"NTA. Plenty of people would not have clocked a car they never drive not being there."
"Under normal circumstances, it being there or not is irrelevant to this kid."
"He wasn't set to 'keep an eye on the car.'"
"I would been oblivious, too."
"I have ADD, and a million things in my mind all the time. NTA." ~ FosterPupz
"I'm trying to picture it."
"Maybe the car was over to the right and OP just jumped out of the driver's seat and went left into the house."
"Like it is plausible that OP never went to that part of the garage."
"If OP's dad has a vintage car, he probably has a whole bunch of parts and tools etc... filling that space, maybe even obscuring much of the car."
"But then again, a whole car leaves a pretty big empty space that I think would be noticeable even in your peripherals." ~ justlookbelow
In the end the majority of Reddit is not with you OP.
Sorry for all the craziness though.
Let's hope dad's car is found and you all can get past this.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp