For young couples, raising the first baby can be a very challenging experience.
No matter how many books each partner read before the kid popped out, no matter how many wise, experienced people offered advice, there simply is no way to fully prepare for the unexpected dynamics of rearing a new human being.
So it’s very important that both parents are on the same wavelength to take on that challenge together.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated what happens when that collaboration isn’t happening.
In the post’s title, the Original Poster (OP), using the anonymous name throwwawayNB133 on the site, showed that frustration had reached a peak.
“AITA For telling my husband he wasn’t the one who experienced difficult pregnancy and birth?”
OP began with a note about just how early the drama has arisen.
“Me and my husband had our first baby together 3 months ago. We’re overjoyed but like any new parents, we’re struggling.”
Then she got right into the struggles.
“My husband recently started posting about how exhausted he is. How having a newborn is exhausting and draining. He posts about everything he does. Talks about the fun/calm times he sacrifices. Sleepless nights but he goes to bed at 10 and wakes up at 9.”
“He tells friends about how demanding it is to be a new parent completely acting like he’s a single dad or something which’s strange because everyone around us noticed how he was acting.”
OP was blunt about how those complaints struck her.
“He does little compared to me. I do most of the hard work from feeding/changing diapers/bathing/while he does simple occasional things like going to the store/cleaning the bathtub/changing the sheets etc.”
“I thought he was just venting.”
An unexpected development left OP stunned.
“But I had family and friends reaching out asking if my husband’s is okay and why I was making him overwork and not giving him a break.”
“I was berated by my own parents after seeing his posts.”
She had to confront the situation.
“Yesterday I talked to him about what he’s been doing and how he was exaggerating with his posts about his contribution in both our son’s care and house chores. He said there was nothing wrong with what he was doing.”
“I said actually there was. Told him he’s out there and on social media complaining all the time so much that everyone thinks I’m sleeping 24h doing nothing.”
“He argued that he wasn’t lying.”
OP had plenty to say in response.
“I said well, he wasn’t the one who went through the difficult birth experience. That I was struggling for 9 months of intense symptoms and my birth was extremely difficult.”
“I’ve never experienced anything more difficult. (I have several medical issues btw) and I’m still recovering.”
“I’m not trying to minimize his struggle but whatever he’s dealing with I’m suffering x10 more than him despite the physical and emotional stress I keep my mouth shut and just get things done.”
But her husband dug his heels in.
“He snapped saying he couldn’t believe I made it all about me and that he’s the right to be able to vent and say whatever he wants whenever he pleases, wherever he pleases.”