Redditor throwrabalding is a woman who is trying to convince her husband she is not leaving him because of his changing appearance.
Nothing reassured him she wasn’t going anywhere and is now worried there might be an underlying issue.
She sought input from strangers on the Relationship Advice subReddit and wrote:
“My husband thinks I’m going to leave him because he’s balding even though I’m literally bald.”
The Original Poster (OP) began the thread by sharing her own experience with hair loss.
“He’s 32 I’m 28. I have a variety of issues that cause baldness. I underwent chemo a few years ago, and I also have alopecia.”
“I’ve just given up on having hair and shave what little grows now.”
“My husband is going bald, it’s been a long time coming, I’ve been noticing thinning for a couple years. But he actually has a bald spot now. He’s very concerned that I’m going to leave him.”
“I don’t understand why, I’m completely bald. Not many people want a bald woman. And it would be a little hypocritical to leave him for being bald. All ignoring the fact that I married him, I’m not going to leave him over a minor change.”
“He doesn’t believe me and keeps asking if I’ll leave him. Nothing I say ever makes him believe me. I’ve hugged him, sat him down for long talks, kissed him, complimented him, none of it works. What do I do.”
Redditors relating to the husband’s insecurity commiserated with him while others encouraged him to “embrace your inner Patrick Stewart.”
“My husband has cancer, so he lost all his hair after chemotherapy. I think he looks sexy, like Lex Luthor (Michael Rosembaum not Gene Hackman).” – Pame_in_reddit
“My hairline is receding a bit, but apparently science has proven some benefits to being bald for men. Apparently you look more manly bald? I hope its true.”
“Im defo gonna embrace the bald, gonna take some time to get used to it, but eh, less shmapoo right?” – Lucky_Lotto
“Yup, he has some deeper issue if he is so fixed on this notion, despite the reality of the situation.”
“If your rational arguments are not hitting home, it’s time for a specialist to identify the root of the problem.” – Darth-Doc
“Sounds like he needs therapy if no amount of reassurance is working for this insecurity of his.” – Bread_Biter123
“This! You can’t fix internal issues with external validation.” – brainybrink
“Not many people are completely non-reliant on external validation!”
“OP, I don’t know how long this situation has been going on for, but give your man a bit of time to get over his hair loss before suggesting therapy. It is a shock to most men who will accept it eventually.” – saintdartholomew
“Wanting external validation is normal. Needing it and feeling worthless and/or immobilized without it is not healthy.” – Micro-Fiber
“Well as a dude, I think it comes down to our image of ‘manliness’ being overplayed.”
“I am 20 and i’m already scared im going bald even tho I only have a little thinning near my widows peaks. Its the main reason behind both widespread toxic masculinity and male insecurity.” – StarvedHawk
“My hair is the biggest thing about me that makes me feel attractive, and the compliments I’ve gotten about it over the years reinforced that.”
“But since I was 17/18, the corners of my hairline have been receding to the extent that I felt it necessary to try and style my hair in ways that compensates for it or draws attention from it.”
“I’ve also been losing a lot of hair the last 5 years specifically- not many things worse than washing it and watching strand after strand of the source of most of my self confidence sailing towards the drain.”
“And there’s no way in hell I could pull off being bald. I don’t have the face for it. For most of my life I’ve been a baby-faced emo kid. Increasing age and a brand new beard has helped me to look more ‘manly’, but definitely not enough to keep baldness from crippling my self image lmao.”
“I feel sorry for OP’s husband and I think I know how he feels.” – Stormophile
People suggested the husband try growing facial hair.
“GROW A GOATEE!”
“Seriously though, guys with a bald head and a goatee have a quite sexy look. But then I think goatees are just a very flattering style in general.”
“I also seem to remember a College Humor video called ‘Balding to Badass in 2 easy steps.’ And it’s basically just shaving your head and growing a goatee. I’ll link it when I find it.”
“EDIT: Found it” – Hallux-Olecranon
“It sounds like he needs to work on loving the balding version of himself, as cheesy as that sounds… you can’t possibly pour enough love in there to make up the gap for him.”
“It’s great to reassure him when he’s feeling insecure and tell him what you find attractive about him and make sure he knows how you feel but that’s not a cure all and that’s OK!”
“People are complicated and sometimes we need to talk our sh*t out with a third party and priced our feelings in a different way.” – Errvalunia
“It could be a deeper problem, but let’s be honest: dudes hate going bald. It’s devastating to one’s ego. (Yes I know it’s far more embarrassing for a woman. But bear with me)”
“Talking to other bald men may help. As can changing the hairstyle to embrace it. It’s what I did, and it’s done wonders to my self confidence.”
“It’s great that she’s encouraging and she should keep doing that. But some problems guys need other guys’ help with.” – ThrowRAOcelot-Simple
This Redditor suggested the following words of comfort the OP could tell her husband.
“You didnt leave me during cancer. You didn’t leave me during chemo. You didn’t leave me when I balded. Why on earth do you think I’d leave you. I love you. And it is really concerning me you think I am this shallow hypocrite.”
“If you can’t get over this I would like you do get therapy, because this is really concerning me. I love you.”
“Something like that.” – gibzy_
Sometimes, changing perceptions are helpful.
“It’s not bald, its just more forehead to kiss.” – whoisanyoneanyway
Redditors hope the husband will eventually accept his changing appearance and understand he is in this together with his wife.