It's second nature for most husbands to be protective of their wives.
But what if there might not be anything to protect them from?
Redditor 3Bambino3 found herself in such a predicament, when she began to feel her husband was being possessive more than he was protective.
But fearing she might not have handled the situation as well as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to report my coworker for sexual harassment despite my husband's insistence?"
The OP first filled fellow Redditors in on the instance which put her in this awkward situation, as well as the unexpected strain it put on her marriage.
"I work with a guy named Carlos, and he's just a bit socially awkward."
"But he's sweet all things considered."
"Last week he asked me out on a date and I declined, I told my husband about it when he asked me how my day went that evening."
"He seemed a little unsettled but didn't say anything."
"Fast forward to last Friday, and my co worker was having a birthday party for her son, and I went and brought my husband."
"Carlos came up to me and told me my dress looked nice, and I thanked him."
"Husband didn't say anything then."
"But once we got into the car he started talking about how he has, 'a lot of nerve'."
"And that his, 'inappropriate behavior is escalating'."
"I thought he was joking so even though I didn't find it funny I laughed."
"But he was serious."
"I told him it wasn't a big deal, and after a bit more back and forth we moved past it."
But the OP revealed this saga had not yet come to an end.
"Until last night when Carlos gave me a ride home after my car wouldn't start, and my husband wouldn't pick up his phone."
"Yes, Carlos offered, but only because Nick wouldn't pick up."
"I think the idea of reporting him is ridiculous."
"But my husband is now saying if I don't, 'put a stop to this, he's (he being Carlos) gonna do the same thing to other girls at work'.
"Idek (I don't even know) what that is supposed to mean tbh (to be honest)."
"But, AITA for not reporting him?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation.
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were in agreement the OP was not the a**hole by declining to report her colleague.
Many felt the OP's husband was the true a**hole in this situation and his own insecurities only made things worse.
"NTA."
"He asked you out- awkward but you said no and it seems like he's respecting that overall."
"You went to a party of his- WITH YOUR HUSBAND- and he complimented your dress."
"Thats nice, and has NO ROMANTIC CONNOTATION TO IT."
"You can compliment someone platonically even after asking them out."
"He gave you a ride home because YOUR HUSBAND WASNT ANSWERING."
"You aren't TA, but your husband is."
"Just because he's insecure doesn't mean you should punish someone else." -Ill-Task276
"You are NTA for not reporting."
"However, you will be an asshole if report him."
"From what you said to me it doesn't sound like Carlos crossed any lines and respected your choice after you said no to him first asking you on a date."
"Your husband clearly has issues and should go see a therapist to work out his insecurities."-Boredkitty420
"NTA."
"He asked you out, you said no, he didn't push (he may not have known you were married from the comment so that's really not out of line.)"
"He said you had a nice dress."
"If you reported him for offering you a ride home when you accepted the offer and he didn't do anything inappropriate, you would be an AH."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide what you consider sexual harassment (you're right this isn't worth reporting) and he sounds insecure." -Gigibean3
"Excuse me, but where is the harassment? "
"This guy made a compliment and suddenly he's the predator waiting to attack some helpless victims!"
"The OP's husband is awfully insecure and if he continues to insist that Carlos should be reported, he's definitely TA here."
"OP is NTA."- Hopeful_Extension_46
Others made it clear sexual harassment is a serious issue and the OP should be the one who decided whether she felt she was being mistreated or not.
"NTA."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide for you that you're being sexually harassed."
"Your opinion is the only one that matters in this situation."
"Period." - NUT-me-SHELL
"NTA."
"If he hadn't asked you out initially would your husband feel this way? "
"These all seem like things you do for a friend."
"Ultimately you're the only one here who can truly decide if you're being harassed, and it sounds like you don't feel that way at all (understandably)."-JBagginsKK
There was also a fairly unanimous agreement nothing the OP described even came close to sounding like sexual harassment.
"NTA."
"Husband is overreacting."
"Nothing Carlos has done could be remotely construed as sexual harassment."- Historical_Concept_7.
"NTA."
"In this situation it sounds like Carlos is just a bit of a socially awkward guy who likes you."
"If he'd kept asking you out or made overt sexual advances after you'd said no, then yeah that's an issue."
"But I don't think that asking someone out, getting told no and seemingly accepting it, then just saying you look nice and agreeing to help you get home when you have no other means is a bad thing."
"I mean if it goes any further then sure but right now I don't see any reason to think he's dangerous."-GodlikePoet
"Nta, I feel like your husband is overreacting."
"If Carlos asked you out again then that would be sexual harassment."
"But I'm only going off what I read."- NegJesus.
Thankfully, it seems the OP is strong minded enough to know when she should be concerned and will no doubt report any behavior from Carlos or anyone which makes her feel uncomfortable.
Here's hoping the OP and her husband can settle the unfortunate tension this situation has caused.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.