It's second nature for most husbands to be protective of their wives.
But what if there might not be anything to protect them from?
Redditor 3Bambino3 found herself in such a predicament, when she began to feel her husband was being possessive more than he was protective.
But fearing she might not have handled the situation as well as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to report my coworker for sexual harassment despite my husband's insistence?"
The OP first filled fellow Redditors in on the instance which put her in this awkward situation, as well as the unexpected strain it put on her marriage.
"I work with a guy named Carlos, and he's just a bit socially awkward."
"But he's sweet all things considered."
"Last week he asked me out on a date and I declined, I told my husband about it when he asked me how my day went that evening."
"He seemed a little unsettled but didn't say anything."
"Fast forward to last Friday, and my co worker was having a birthday party for her son, and I went and brought my husband."
"Carlos came up to me and told me my dress looked nice, and I thanked him."
"Husband didn't say anything then."
"But once we got into the car he started talking about how he has, 'a lot of nerve'."
"And that his, 'inappropriate behavior is escalating'."
"I thought he was joking so even though I didn't find it funny I laughed."
"But he was serious."
"I told him it wasn't a big deal, and after a bit more back and forth we moved past it."
But the OP revealed this saga had not yet come to an end.
"Until last night when Carlos gave me a ride home after my car wouldn't start, and my husband wouldn't pick up his phone."
"Yes, Carlos offered, but only because Nick wouldn't pick up."
"I think the idea of reporting him is ridiculous."
"But my husband is now saying if I don't, 'put a stop to this, he's (he being Carlos) gonna do the same thing to other girls at work'.
"Idek (I don't even know) what that is supposed to mean tbh (to be honest)."
"But, AITA for not reporting him?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation.
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were in agreement the OP was not the a**hole by declining to report her colleague.
Many felt the OP's husband was the true a**hole in this situation and his own insecurities only made things worse.
"NTA."
"He asked you out- awkward but you said no and it seems like he's respecting that overall."
"You went to a party of his- WITH YOUR HUSBAND- and he complimented your dress."
"Thats nice, and has NO ROMANTIC CONNOTATION TO IT."
"You can compliment someone platonically even after asking them out."
"He gave you a ride home because YOUR HUSBAND WASNT ANSWERING."
"You aren't TA, but your husband is."
"Just because he's insecure doesn't mean you should punish someone else." -Ill-Task276
"You are NTA for not reporting."
"However, you will be an asshole if report him."
"From what you said to me it doesn't sound like Carlos crossed any lines and respected your choice after you said no to him first asking you on a date."
"Your husband clearly has issues and should go see a therapist to work out his insecurities."-Boredkitty420
"NTA."
"He asked you out, you said no, he didn't push (he may not have known you were married from the comment so that's really not out of line.)"
"He said you had a nice dress."
"If you reported him for offering you a ride home when you accepted the offer and he didn't do anything inappropriate, you would be an AH."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide what you consider sexual harassment (you're right this isn't worth reporting) and he sounds insecure." -Gigibean3
"Excuse me, but where is the harassment? "
"This guy made a compliment and suddenly he's the predator waiting to attack some helpless victims!"
"The OP's husband is awfully insecure and if he continues to insist that Carlos should be reported, he's definitely TA here."
"OP is NTA."- Hopeful_Extension_46
Others made it clear sexual harassment is a serious issue and the OP should be the one who decided whether she felt she was being mistreated or not.
"NTA."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide for you that you're being sexually harassed."
"Your opinion is the only one that matters in this situation."
"Period." - NUT-me-SHELL
"NTA."
"If he hadn't asked you out initially would your husband feel this way? "
"These all seem like things you do for a friend."
"Ultimately you're the only one here who can truly decide if you're being harassed, and it sounds like you don't feel that way at all (understandably)."-JBagginsKK
There was also a fairly unanimous agreement nothing the OP described even came close to sounding like sexual harassment.
"NTA."
"Husband is overreacting."
"Nothing Carlos has done could be remotely construed as sexual harassment."- Historical_Concept_7.
"NTA."
"In this situation it sounds like Carlos is just a bit of a socially awkward guy who likes you."
"If he'd kept asking you out or made overt sexual advances after you'd said no, then yeah that's an issue."
"But I don't think that asking someone out, getting told no and seemingly accepting it, then just saying you look nice and agreeing to help you get home when you have no other means is a bad thing."
"I mean if it goes any further then sure but right now I don't see any reason to think he's dangerous."-GodlikePoet
"Nta, I feel like your husband is overreacting."
"If Carlos asked you out again then that would be sexual harassment."
"But I'm only going off what I read."- NegJesus.
Thankfully, it seems the OP is strong minded enough to know when she should be concerned and will no doubt report any behavior from Carlos or anyone which makes her feel uncomfortable.
Here's hoping the OP and her husband can settle the unfortunate tension this situation has caused.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.