It's second nature for most husbands to be protective of their wives.
But what if there might not be anything to protect them from?
Redditor 3Bambino3 found herself in such a predicament, when she began to feel her husband was being possessive more than he was protective.
But fearing she might not have handled the situation as well as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to report my coworker for sexual harassment despite my husband's insistence?"
The OP first filled fellow Redditors in on the instance which put her in this awkward situation, as well as the unexpected strain it put on her marriage.
"I work with a guy named Carlos, and he's just a bit socially awkward."
"But he's sweet all things considered."
"Last week he asked me out on a date and I declined, I told my husband about it when he asked me how my day went that evening."
"He seemed a little unsettled but didn't say anything."
"Fast forward to last Friday, and my co worker was having a birthday party for her son, and I went and brought my husband."
"Carlos came up to me and told me my dress looked nice, and I thanked him."
"Husband didn't say anything then."
"But once we got into the car he started talking about how he has, 'a lot of nerve'."
"And that his, 'inappropriate behavior is escalating'."
"I thought he was joking so even though I didn't find it funny I laughed."
"But he was serious."
"I told him it wasn't a big deal, and after a bit more back and forth we moved past it."
But the OP revealed this saga had not yet come to an end.
"Until last night when Carlos gave me a ride home after my car wouldn't start, and my husband wouldn't pick up his phone."
"Yes, Carlos offered, but only because Nick wouldn't pick up."
"I think the idea of reporting him is ridiculous."
"But my husband is now saying if I don't, 'put a stop to this, he's (he being Carlos) gonna do the same thing to other girls at work'.
"Idek (I don't even know) what that is supposed to mean tbh (to be honest)."
"But, AITA for not reporting him?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation.
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were in agreement the OP was not the a**hole by declining to report her colleague.
Many felt the OP's husband was the true a**hole in this situation and his own insecurities only made things worse.
"NTA."
"He asked you out- awkward but you said no and it seems like he's respecting that overall."
"You went to a party of his- WITH YOUR HUSBAND- and he complimented your dress."
"Thats nice, and has NO ROMANTIC CONNOTATION TO IT."
"You can compliment someone platonically even after asking them out."
"He gave you a ride home because YOUR HUSBAND WASNT ANSWERING."
"You aren't TA, but your husband is."
"Just because he's insecure doesn't mean you should punish someone else." -Ill-Task276
"You are NTA for not reporting."
"However, you will be an asshole if report him."
"From what you said to me it doesn't sound like Carlos crossed any lines and respected your choice after you said no to him first asking you on a date."
"Your husband clearly has issues and should go see a therapist to work out his insecurities."-Boredkitty420
"NTA."
"He asked you out, you said no, he didn't push (he may not have known you were married from the comment so that's really not out of line.)"
"He said you had a nice dress."
"If you reported him for offering you a ride home when you accepted the offer and he didn't do anything inappropriate, you would be an AH."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide what you consider sexual harassment (you're right this isn't worth reporting) and he sounds insecure." -Gigibean3
"Excuse me, but where is the harassment? "
"This guy made a compliment and suddenly he's the predator waiting to attack some helpless victims!"
"The OP's husband is awfully insecure and if he continues to insist that Carlos should be reported, he's definitely TA here."
"OP is NTA."- Hopeful_Extension_46
Others made it clear sexual harassment is a serious issue and the OP should be the one who decided whether she felt she was being mistreated or not.
"NTA."
"Your husband doesn't get to decide for you that you're being sexually harassed."
"Your opinion is the only one that matters in this situation."
"Period." - NUT-me-SHELL
"NTA."
"If he hadn't asked you out initially would your husband feel this way? "
"These all seem like things you do for a friend."
"Ultimately you're the only one here who can truly decide if you're being harassed, and it sounds like you don't feel that way at all (understandably)."-JBagginsKK
There was also a fairly unanimous agreement nothing the OP described even came close to sounding like sexual harassment.
"NTA."
"Husband is overreacting."
"Nothing Carlos has done could be remotely construed as sexual harassment."- Historical_Concept_7.
"NTA."
"In this situation it sounds like Carlos is just a bit of a socially awkward guy who likes you."
"If he'd kept asking you out or made overt sexual advances after you'd said no, then yeah that's an issue."
"But I don't think that asking someone out, getting told no and seemingly accepting it, then just saying you look nice and agreeing to help you get home when you have no other means is a bad thing."
"I mean if it goes any further then sure but right now I don't see any reason to think he's dangerous."-GodlikePoet
"Nta, I feel like your husband is overreacting."
"If Carlos asked you out again then that would be sexual harassment."
"But I'm only going off what I read."- NegJesus.
Thankfully, it seems the OP is strong minded enough to know when she should be concerned and will no doubt report any behavior from Carlos or anyone which makes her feel uncomfortable.
Here's hoping the OP and her husband can settle the unfortunate tension this situation has caused.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.