Mothers always know.
That is an age-old saying.
But perhaps, mothers don’t always know… everything.
Mothers aren’t always aware of their children’s changing ideas and growing palettes.
Change can be surprising for a parent.
Redditor Spiritual-Piccolo535 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for arguing with my MIL about my husband’s feelings for spaghetti?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I (both 25) were visiting my M[other]-I[n]L[aw]’s house for dinner this evening.”
“After dinner, my husband offered to drive his youngest sister to a friend’s house so that my MIL could stay home after cooking.”
“While he was out, MIL, S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] and I sat around in the living room chatting.”
“SIL is preparing to move out on her own soon, and was asking about any easy-to-cook dinner recipes I had.”
“One of the things I brought up was spaghetti.”
“When I said that, MIL chuffed and asked if I only make that when my husband is working late.”
“I was confused and told her no.”
“She said, “Well, he doesn’t like spaghetti. That’s why I asked.’”
“Again, I was confused.”
“I told her that he likes it now, enough to request that I make it decently often.”
“To that, she said, ‘Is it maybe your favorite thing to make, and he knows it? Is that why he asks?’”
“At this point, I started to get a little annoyed, because I could feel it going in the direction that she isn’t a stranger to, which is the ‘I’ll always know more about my son than you’ sort of thing.”
“So, where I would usually just shrug and say, I don’t know to keep the peace, I decided I would push back this time.”
“I told her that every time I make spaghetti, he polishes off over half of it that night, and leftovers don’t last either.”
“Then, MIL turned to SIL and said, ‘You remember how much he hates spaghetti. He would practically gag over it.’”
“To which my SIL shrugged and said, ‘Maybe he changed his mind.’”
“And MIL went on to say, ‘No, I know him. He’s stubborn about tastes.’”
“So I asked MIL if she thought I was lying about him liking spaghetti, and she rolled her eyes and asked me if this was the hill I wanted to die on.”
“To which, I said that she was welcome to ask him once he got back.”
“She shook her head and told me there was no need for her to ask.”
“That she knew her son, and she would know the answer.”
“After that, the conversation faded, and we all sort of just got on our phones.”
“Until my husband walked back into the house, and the first thing I said was ‘Hey, babe, do you like spaghetti?’”
“And of course, he said yes in a confused tone.”
“I gestured my hand to him and looked at my MIL and said, ‘See?” And she got up and said, “I gotta do something,’ and went back to her room and did not come back out until we left.”
“On our way home, I explained the spaghetti thing to my husband, which he honestly did not care about.”
“He’d just asked why I asked.”
“But about an hour ago, MIL sent my husband a big text about how I was rude and telling her that he only likes my spaghetti because I’m a better cook than her (which I did not say).”
“Does it make me childish, even though I was a little fed up with the whole song and dance?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA for arguing it?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Your MIL is a child.”
“And she probably makes crap spaghetti. 🤣. NTA.” ~ 456name789
“NTA, but your husband better be responding with ‘Don’t lie about what she said. See you next time.’” ~ innocentsalad
“NTA, this wasn’t just about spaghetti; there was some competition there about something.”
“If this is a common thing with the MIL, pick which hills you’re willing to die on; they won’t all turn out like this.” ~ Interesting-Client63
“Such a silly argument.”
“No one doesn’t like spaghetti, it’s really just the vessel for the sauce, and obviously, your sauce is different from hers.”
“NTA. As you said, she wants to know him best, but she knew the past him, not the current him.”
“People grow.”
“She will have to deal.” ~ Only-Breadfruit-6108
“NTA. MIL is telling on herself with that text.”
“‘She said she’s a better cook than me.'”
“You never said that, but she knows damn well that’s what’s happened with the spaghetti.”
“Something about the way she made it turned his stomach, but he likes whatever you’ve done.”
“If she weren’t such a petulant person?”
“She’d just ask you for the recipe.” ~ OSTBear
“NTA. MIL is, though!”
“Keep standing up for yourself going forward, because she’ll never let up.” ~ Glittering_Regret255
“NTA. She sounds exhausting.”
“It was she who made it a hill to die on, it was she who kept pressing the issue, it was she who told you not to bother asking your own husband, it was she who stormed out, and it was she who wrote him a garbage text.”
“I’d email her my spaghetti recipe.” ~ ToastetteEgg
“NTA. You did exactly what I would’ve done.”
“Sometimes, you just can’t take the endless BS, and you ask a simple clarifying question. Lulz.” ~ LuLuLittlefoot
“NTA. MIL is heavily invested in being the #1 woman in her son’s life and will take any and every opportunity to make sure you know it.”
“Hubby probably didn’t like spaghetti growing up because hers wasn’t good.”
“You’re so he likes it.”
“Only a ‘big deal’ because it threatens MIL’s sense of superiority.” ~ Anxious-Routine-5526
“NTA, the fact that she’s willing to lie to you to gain sympathy, like your husband won’t actually ask you what happened.”
“Mothers who are competitive with their D[augther]-I[n]-L[aw]/SIL over their sons should be studied.”
“It’s like some kind of reverse Oedipus complex.”
“Was she competitive with him before you got married?”
“He definitely needs to nip this in the bud now, though, because she’s only going to get worse the more she feels like you’re encroaching on her relationship with him.”
“Moms like that think their sons are frozen in time and that their tastes and interests don’t change because all she’s ever done is cater to the tastes and interests of the version of her son at that moment in time, and she can’t handle it when anything contradicts that.” ~ Anne_Atreptic
“This is such a great example of problems with MIL and their sons 🤦🏽♀️.”
“My MIL is not too bad, but she sometimes has her moments of trying to convince me she knows him better.”
“It’s like they don’t wanna let go of their son.”
“As if you’re stealing him.”
“My husband always had issues with weight gain.”
“He feels really insecure about it, and his family even jokes about it; they love to roast each other.”
“I think it’s painful for him, constantly being bodyshamed.”
“So, he wanted me to help him decline snacks and junkfood, or have a second plate.”
“We were at our in-laws, and my MIL really pushed him to have more food when he said no multiple times.”
“I made a comment that she shouldn’t do that because he wants to watch his diet at the moment.”
“And that he said no.”
“And she got even worse, as if she was thinking that I wanted him to lose the weight.”
“I don’t know what it is about MIL’s.” ~ Doritos_nachocheese
“NTA. Honestly, sometimes after dealing with someone like your MIL for awhile we as people will pick the weirdest things to push back on sometimes.”
“In this case, it was spaghetti.”
“You were just over how she acts in certain situations.”
“And you were also tired of ignoring it and letting it slide.”
“I completely understand.”
“Been there, done that.” ~ Pale-Cress
“It’s a power struggle.”
“You can feel pity for her and not give her exactly what she wants.”
“Hubby is the rope in the tug of war.
“Drop your side and just kill her with kindness.”
‘Whatever you say mom’ and a smile.”
“Silence or change the subject.”
“You won.”
“You are married.”
“No need to feed her fire.”
“She’s pathetic if that’s all she’s got.”
“Plus, she wants the struggle and to irritate you, and seems to be getting what she wants and will escalate for hubby to save her- choose her.”
“Nip it.”
“Even better when she starts up, just smile.”
“Let her ramble and nod and change the subject.”
“She’s def TA but no need to make this ESH.” ~ Appreciate1A
“NTA. I will admit that I’m a picky eater, but I still like foods as an adult that I hated as a child just because my mom was bad at cooking them.” ~ vrcraftauthor
“When I married my husband, he hated spaghetti.”
“But it is a favorite of mine.”
“Guess what, he rapidly decided he loves spaghetti and requests it often.”
“What changed his mind?”
“This is how he describes his mother’s spaghetti.”
“It was big chunks of greasy hamburger with big chunks of canned tomatoes and big chunks of bell peppers tossed over noodles.”
“Sooo. Maybe MIL knows something in her heart of hearts… that you actually are a better cook.” ~ Purkinsmom
“NTA. She’s a loony and is obsessed with the idea that she knows her son best.”
“I’m glad you pushed back.”
“People like this can’t get away with thinking they are always right; no one is.”
“To not even consider for a moment that his tastes could have changed, or that he didn’t like that particular spaghetti is mad. 🤦.”
“She’s argumentative and looks for confrontation, but when hit with logic and facts, she can’t handle being wrong or proven wrong.”
“Acting like that over spaghetti 😅🤦.” ~ stevie_92b
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your MIL has some issues to deal with.
Letting the argument go is one thing, but lying about you is another.
This is an awkward situation; try to stay prepared.
Good Luck.