In the past few years, a lot of people have experienced what it’s like to suddenly lose a job and scramble to find another.
But some people have still lost a job in a more traditional sense, like being fired, or having a partner who wanted them to quit, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor the54756 had previously listened to her husband’s wishes about quitting her job, but when she regretted it she actively started interviewing for new jobs.
But when her husband kept intruding on her interviews, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for locking the door to prevent my husband from getting involved in my job interview?”
The OP and her husband had different goals for her professionally.
“I (33 Female) am unemployed, but God knows I had been looking for jobs (I’m a sales rep) for well over 5 months, right after I recovered from my knee surgery.”
“My husband has a high-paying job. First, he suggested I leave my career as a sales rep behind (which is not up to his wealthy family’s standards, and they’ve mocked me for it a lot) and stay home.”
“But I refused because I love my job and want to grow in it.”
“He suggested he finds me a better job since he has connections, but that’s not in my field.”
The OP was getting frustrated by how her job interviews were going.
“I’ve had several job interviews and my husband has ruined all of them for me.”
“Here’s how: he’d walk into the room whenever I’m having a potential job interview and introduce himself and take over the conversation with the interviewer.”
“He’d tell them about how good I am but slip in some bad stuff that eventually cost me the job.”
“His argument was that he’s just making ‘recommendations’ since he has connections and ‘influence,’ but I told him to stop and let me handle it.”
“He sulked saying he was just trying to ‘guide me’ and whatnot.”
For her latest interview, the OP forced her husband to stay out of it.
“Several days ago, I’d gotten a job interview, and after getting inside the room and before the interview started, I locked the door.”
“My husband tried to come in and started knocking on the door, asking why I was locking the door, and telling me to let him in.”
“I put my headphones on and used the noise-canceling feature, but he kept knocking and telling me to open the door.”
Her husband was furious with her.
“After the interview was over, I unlocked the door and walked out.”
“He went off on me, calling me disrespectful, and said I was awful to lock him out like that.”
“I said I was sorry. I said I wanted to work for this company so badly, and I couldn’t let him ruin it for me.”
“He got offended and said that I was being petty and childish.”
“He said I was also ungrateful because of the stunt I pulled and said that he was trying to help me get the best deal out there.”
“I said I’m not a child, but he said that, yes, I was especially with how I behaved and for ‘excluding’ him from my interview.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the husband was clearly sabotaging his wife’s interviews.
“Imagine him trying to tell her she was petty for locking the door when he literally JUST tried to bust into yet another interview.”
“OP, it doesn’t seem like your husband has your best interests at heart. I can’t tell you what to do but you need to seriously consider if this is something you want to put up with for the rest of your life.”
“He’s showing you exactly who he is, don’t second guess it.” – MarshmallowHarbinger
“Go to your local library, or even a quiet coffee shop would be good.”
“Anywhere but at home. I can totally see him either continuously yelling or banging on the door during an interview, which might be difficult to explain to the interviewer.”
“Either that, or he’s going to figure out a way to unlock the door but he won’t tell you, and then barge in on your interview.”
“OP, I have never ever in my 40-some years, heard of someone coming into an interview uninvited. It is absolutely ridiculous that he is going that; the interview is with you not him.”
“I agree with the other posters that this is a way of controlling you. You need to think long and hard about if this type of controlling behavior is something that he’s always done.”
“It can be quite subtle, so you might not have thought of it as controlling at the time.”
“If this is a continuous thing, I’d suggest breaking up. It’s doubtful he can change, and I’d hate for this to turn into something worse. There are many stories on here about controlling partners, and many of them start like yours.”
“It could end up where he’s not only trying to control your job, but soon it could be your friends, if you’re allowed to go out, him tracking your every move. I hope this doesn’t happen, but please just be aware that it can.” – araquinar
“The interview would be over immediately if this occurred while I was interviewing a candidate. He is not helping her as there is no way anyone, even rich, can see this as normal. He thinks he’s a big s**t.”
“Can you imagine sitting there while your husband talks about your flaws to an interviewer? I would be mortified.” – Tasty-Environment840
“There’s no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he knows he’ll make the OP look bad and that’s his goal.”
“I seriously hope OP realizes her husband needs to go as he’s evidently stopping at nothing to sabotage her efforts in getting a job.”
“I hope she’s able to find the appropriate place for an interview where there will be zero disruptions as she deserves to get the job she wants and she can’t have anyone getting in her way like this.” – InfiniteCalendar1
“Professional recruiter here: full stop, if ANYONE hops onto my call with a candidate who was not invited, you’re getting rejected. I don’t care if this is your partner, parent, friend, etc.”
“Unless you inform me that you need an accommodation like someone to translate the sign, then you can absolutely expect a rejection for this behavior.”
“OP, your husband is absolutely trying to sabotage you, and I zero percent believe him when he says he’s trying to help because he has actively said he wants you to leave your job. This is dangerous and toxic behavior. NTA.” – Idkhowtouse_reddit
Others also warned the OP about this being abusive behavior.
“It’s not the beginning of abuse. The beginning was when he tried to pressure her into quitting a job she loved because he felt it was beneath him. I would not be surprised if this is just the tip of the iceberg.”
“Obviously, none of us can accurately determine the husband’s intentions from a single Reddit post, but in a healthy relationship, he wouldn’t think of her job as something ‘not up to his standards’ (or his family’s standards).”
“He’d think of it as something she loves. He’d know it’s not a competition to her and wouldn’t try to make it one.”
“Hell, she could work a minimum-wage job that she loved, and he would still support her because he would want her to do what she loves.”
“Instead, he tried to pressure her to stay home, and do… what, exactly? What was his reason for wanting to cut off her means of financially supporting herself?”
“That he offered to get her a job through his connections when they work in different fields, too, is questionable, and if not a red flag, then a yellow one (or an orange one).”
“Connections don’t really matter if you can’t do the job, and given the husband’s history of (potentially) sabotaging or attempting to sabotage OP’s career, it’s entirely possible those ‘connections’ were attempts to sabotage her too.”
“Could the husband be talking up OP to his connections in hopes that she gets and then loses a job she’s unqualified for, or telling them not to hire her because of XYZ?”
“Either way, OP is right to be put off by this. This is not healthy behavior in a relationship, and she’s absolutely NTA.” – nebulashine
“Controlling where/when you get a job, who it’s with, what field you should go in. Getting annoyed because you locked him out of a room etc.”
“This could eventually lead to being financially dependent upon him because ‘he knows what helps’ or having a joint account (whilst not specifically abusive in many terms he could use this to monitor your finances and what you are spending it on just as easy).” – Minute-Judge-5821
“I wonder if he is accessing her calendar. Now wondering how much control he has over her. I also never understood why people bring others with them to an interview, it’s not a hangout.” – anaisaknits
“When OP gets a job offer, I’m guessing her husband will secretly decline the offer on her behalf or respond to the recruiter with an outrageous demand.”
“If OP manages to navigate around his controlling freaky behavior and get a job, he will probably start turning up at the workplace or barging in on her online meetings to get her fired. It will be under the guise of, ‘I’m trying to help you settle in.'” – Verybigdoona
“NTA, and you KNOW this isn’t about him wanting to help, this is about him trying to control you.”
“If you TRULY love this dude and think this relationship is something worth attempting to redeem, this is MORE than enough grounds for going to couples therapy so that he can work through issues with boundaries or telling you the truth about why he wants to ‘help’ with interviews when he should know D*MN WELL at his age that his behavior is sabotaging the interview.”
“Because, seriously, either your husband is so rich he is out of touch with how normal interviews work, or he is intentionally manipulating and sabotaging your interviews and you should be concerned that this isn’t the only boundary he isn’t afraid of crossing to get his way.”
“Because this is such a massive red flag that if you DON’T think he is too rich to understand how normal jobs work, that I would be REALLY concerned about how many other ways he sabotages your life.”
“Seriously, what is his response to, ‘they are interviewing ME not YOU, and you butting into an interview and taking it over is going to guarantee I don’t get a job I want?'” – corrin_avatan
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s behalf and hoped that she got the job from the solo interview she recently had.
As for the husband, they were concerned about how he was treating her, as it seemed his interests and his family’s perception of his wife’s work were getting in the way of the OP’s success.