We've all had an instance where we might have confused someone's relationship with another person.
We might have assumed a beautiful young woman was the daughter of the seemingly older man sitting next to her, only to learn she was his wife.
Or thought the two charming men a few rows down from us at the movie theater might have been brothers, when they were actually husbands.
Most people take such confusion in stride, while others have trouble finding the humor in the situation.
Redditor Born_Safe9896 recently moved into a new house with her husband and child.
When a new neighbor came calling, they mistakenly assumed someone else was the "lady of the house", as it were.
While the original poster (OP) understood this neighbor's confusion, they were a bit less understanding of their husband's inability to correct this mistake.
Wondering if their frustrations were justified, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked the Reddit community:
"AITAH for asking my husband why he was letting a new neighbor believe our nanny was his wife?"
The OP explained why she was less than amused by a recent case of mistaken identity in her house:
"I (28 F[emale]) gave birth to my husband's (28 M[ale]) baby in January."
"We have a nanny (36 F[emale])."
"We live in a nice suburban community."
"A new neighbor (f) moved in."
"She seems friendly and she seemed like she just wanted to get to know everyone."
"Last Saturday, the new neighbor rang out doorbell."
"She did the reverse of the community, bringing things to the new neighbor."
"She was bringing things to her closed neighbors, and this was our turn."
"My husband answered the door, and our nanny was in the neighbor's view."
"I don't blame the neighbor one bit for her confusion."
"A white man with a wedding ring, and a Japanese woman with a wedding ring who is holding a half-wife, half-Japanese baby."
"What else was the neighbor supposed to think?"
"She introduced herself, and was talking about how my husband and our nanny look like such a cute couple."
"They have such an adorable baby."
"The nanny wasn't saying anything."
"My husband said thank you."
"I came up in the neighbor's view and announced that I was the wife."
"I explained that this is our nanny."
"The neighbor looked embarrassed, and she apologized."
"I told her she had nothing to apologize for."
"Later, I asked my husband why he was letting the neighbor believe our nanny was his wife."
"He said that it's an unfair question and that he was obviously flustered."
"I told him it's the easiest thing to just say, this is our nanny and my wife is in the kitchen."
"He said I'm making too much of this."
"I said maybe he wants people to think he's married to someone who looks like our nanny."
"He started saying that my body had bounced back and that I was looking good."
"It reduced my annoyance for a few seconds, but then I told him he needs to give me a good explanation of why he couldn't just say she's the nanny."
"My husband said he can't talk to me when I'm like this."
"Who is wrong?"
"Am I the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided, but generally agreed that the OP's frustrations were justified.
While some felt that she was kind of making a mountain out of a molehill, most agreed that the OP had every right to call her husband out, agreeing that his remark about her body "bouncing back" did him no favors:
"I think he thought it was like when a stranger mispronounces your name, and you don’t bother correcting them."
"Problem is it’s a neighbor that you will see repeatedly."
"I think he didn’t make that connection until too late."- SecretAd8928
"Is your husband regularly awkward?"
"Sometimes it’s just easier to say thanks, than it is to explain a whole story."- Unusualshrub003
"The part about the body bouncing back, as a response to you saying he wants people to think he’s married to someone else, WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN."- kakaluluo
"OMG."
"He's a big dumdum."
"'... body bounced back..."'
"l."
"Just wow."
"I'm sorry."
"Maybe reboot him?"- Moist_Requirements_
"Honestly, I think you’re overthinking it."
"Assuming your husband doesn’t have sketchy past behavior."
"He may have genuinely been confused and flustered at the moment."
"I’m assuming he’s on very little sleep as you have a newborn."
"NAH."
"But you would be if you keep pushing it."- Top_Turnip_4737
"'Your body bounced back, and you look good."
"What the hell?"
"Not 'honey, I love you."
"NTA."
"Your husband is weird."- angelacandystore
"NTA."
"But neither is he lol."
"I think this was just a dumb man moment of him not wanting to explain his life story and potentially barely listening to anything the neighbor was saying and just was doing the autopilot appreciation."- whatsinsnamee
"Time to get a new nanny, maybe a new husband?"- Just_Literature_928
"I’m sorry OP."
"Your insecurity about being seen as the help was reinforced by your husband in error."
"He was probably just being polite and trying to get away from her without long explanations."
"If the nanny role is making you uncomfortable, get rid of her and hire a male nanny."- Jenna1991-nola
"Asking is ok."
"Demanding verges on a**holish."
"He already answered you."
"I think you’re making too much of this one incident."- krpi8429
"Hm, honestly, the whole 'your body bounced back' ughhh."
"You created life dude, your body is amazing already."- thijai
"He said your body bounced back?"
"So what would he have said to the neighbor if your body hadn’t bounced back."
"What a jerk."- poppy_inmy_hair
"I have a coworker who has let us mispronounce his name for almost 3 years, someone asked him how it was pronounced, and we all thought he was joking."
"Turns out he let it go on for too long and didn't know how to correct it."- Moose_Ungulate
"If you're insecure about how you look."
"Why have you employed a nanny that you say looks like you but prettier?"
"Genuine question?"
"Or did he do the hiring?"
"Something seems off here."
"Especially as you started the post with 'I gave birth to my husband's baby'."- Ecstatic-Comb-7787
"He tried to console you by commenting on your body?"
"Like he's doing you a favor by telling you you've 'bounced back'."
"Vomited in my mouth a little."- Extension-Nebula-235
"NTA."
"I would have immediately corrected."- SideEmbarrassed1611
"Ok but… why didn’t the nanny say 'oh no I’m the nanny?'"
"Husband could be oblivious and/or awkward, but both?"- pianoandpasta
"He said he was flustered."
"Some people aren’t quick responders."
"It sounds like your insecurities are making you look for a bigger meaning than the one he gave."
"But what are you hoping to hear?"- CallMeBettyThen
"It sounds like you are insecure already about the nanny and this made you even more so."
"I think your husband was being a fool but I think YTA for saying 'maybe you want people to think you’re married to someone who looks like our nanny'.”
"Actually."
"ESH."- hahagato
"I do the same thing as your husband, agreeing politely to speed up the interaction rather than correcting someone."
"I think it’s because I’m an introvert and find small talk with people I don’t know well exhausting."
"I think you’re overthinking this."- Intelligent-Animal68
"Sounds like he’s socially inept."
"Why couldn’t he just introduce himself and the nanny?"
“'Hi, nice to meet you! My name is John, and this is our nanny So-and-so!'”
"That would have avoided the confusion."- Nippa_napa
"Your husband sounds like an idiot."
"NTA but he is."- jus-fax101
"NTA."
"Love, you hit the nail on the head."
"Your husband wants the neighbor to think the nanny is his wife."
"There was no other reason for him to comment on your body 'bouncing back'."
"That was uncalled for and rude."
"You had a baby a few months ago."
"Maybe instead of letting your neighbor believe a lie, he could simply have said this is our nanny."
"My wife is in the kitchen."
"Just as you said."
"He wasn’t flustered."
"He was embarrassed."
"Apparently, his wife was in the kitchen, and the nanny had the baby when he had two hands and was right there."
"I’m sure y'all have a nanny for a reason, and just because you are both home doesn’t mean you aren't working, but if he had time to answer the door, he had time to explain who everyone was."- EfficientSociety73
It's fairly easy to understand why the OP felt somewhat threatened in this situation.
However, as all her husband said was "thank you," he didn't necessarily confirm the assumption that their nanny was his wife.
One imagines he might be more careful should a similar situation arise down the line, and the OP might try to be more understanding should his foot end up in his mouth once again.
