We've all had an instance where we might have confused someone's relationship with another person.
We might have assumed a beautiful young woman was the daughter of the seemingly older man sitting next to her, only to learn she was his wife.
Or thought the two charming men a few rows down from us at the movie theater might have been brothers, when they were actually husbands.
Most people take such confusion in stride, while others have trouble finding the humor in the situation.
Redditor Born_Safe9896 recently moved into a new house with her husband and child.
When a new neighbor came calling, they mistakenly assumed someone else was the "lady of the house", as it were.
While the original poster (OP) understood this neighbor's confusion, they were a bit less understanding of their husband's inability to correct this mistake.
Wondering if their frustrations were justified, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked the Reddit community:
"AITAH for asking my husband why he was letting a new neighbor believe our nanny was his wife?"
The OP explained why she was less than amused by a recent case of mistaken identity in her house:
"I (28 F[emale]) gave birth to my husband's (28 M[ale]) baby in January."
"We have a nanny (36 F[emale])."
"We live in a nice suburban community."
"A new neighbor (f) moved in."
"She seems friendly and she seemed like she just wanted to get to know everyone."
"Last Saturday, the new neighbor rang out doorbell."
"She did the reverse of the community, bringing things to the new neighbor."
"She was bringing things to her closed neighbors, and this was our turn."
"My husband answered the door, and our nanny was in the neighbor's view."
"I don't blame the neighbor one bit for her confusion."
"A white man with a wedding ring, and a Japanese woman with a wedding ring who is holding a half-wife, half-Japanese baby."
"What else was the neighbor supposed to think?"
"She introduced herself, and was talking about how my husband and our nanny look like such a cute couple."
"They have such an adorable baby."
"The nanny wasn't saying anything."
"My husband said thank you."
"I came up in the neighbor's view and announced that I was the wife."
"I explained that this is our nanny."
"The neighbor looked embarrassed, and she apologized."
"I told her she had nothing to apologize for."
"Later, I asked my husband why he was letting the neighbor believe our nanny was his wife."
"He said that it's an unfair question and that he was obviously flustered."
"I told him it's the easiest thing to just say, this is our nanny and my wife is in the kitchen."
"He said I'm making too much of this."
"I said maybe he wants people to think he's married to someone who looks like our nanny."
"He started saying that my body had bounced back and that I was looking good."
"It reduced my annoyance for a few seconds, but then I told him he needs to give me a good explanation of why he couldn't just say she's the nanny."
"My husband said he can't talk to me when I'm like this."
"Who is wrong?"
"Am I the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided, but generally agreed that the OP's frustrations were justified.
While some felt that she was kind of making a mountain out of a molehill, most agreed that the OP had every right to call her husband out, agreeing that his remark about her body "bouncing back" did him no favors:
"I think he thought it was like when a stranger mispronounces your name, and you don’t bother correcting them."
"Problem is it’s a neighbor that you will see repeatedly."
"I think he didn’t make that connection until too late."- SecretAd8928
"Is your husband regularly awkward?"
"Sometimes it’s just easier to say thanks, than it is to explain a whole story."- Unusualshrub003
"The part about the body bouncing back, as a response to you saying he wants people to think he’s married to someone else, WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN."- kakaluluo
"OMG."
"He's a big dumdum."
"'... body bounced back..."'
"l."
"Just wow."
"I'm sorry."
"Maybe reboot him?"- Moist_Requirements_
"Honestly, I think you’re overthinking it."
"Assuming your husband doesn’t have sketchy past behavior."
"He may have genuinely been confused and flustered at the moment."
"I’m assuming he’s on very little sleep as you have a newborn."
"NAH."
"But you would be if you keep pushing it."- Top_Turnip_4737
"'Your body bounced back, and you look good."
"What the hell?"
"Not 'honey, I love you."
"NTA."
"Your husband is weird."- angelacandystore
"NTA."
"But neither is he lol."
"I think this was just a dumb man moment of him not wanting to explain his life story and potentially barely listening to anything the neighbor was saying and just was doing the autopilot appreciation."- whatsinsnamee
"Time to get a new nanny, maybe a new husband?"- Just_Literature_928
"I’m sorry OP."
"Your insecurity about being seen as the help was reinforced by your husband in error."
"He was probably just being polite and trying to get away from her without long explanations."
"If the nanny role is making you uncomfortable, get rid of her and hire a male nanny."- Jenna1991-nola
"Asking is ok."
"Demanding verges on a**holish."
"He already answered you."
"I think you’re making too much of this one incident."- krpi8429
"Hm, honestly, the whole 'your body bounced back' ughhh."
"You created life dude, your body is amazing already."- thijai
"He said your body bounced back?"
"So what would he have said to the neighbor if your body hadn’t bounced back."
"What a jerk."- poppy_inmy_hair
"I have a coworker who has let us mispronounce his name for almost 3 years, someone asked him how it was pronounced, and we all thought he was joking."
"Turns out he let it go on for too long and didn't know how to correct it."- Moose_Ungulate
"If you're insecure about how you look."
"Why have you employed a nanny that you say looks like you but prettier?"
"Genuine question?"
"Or did he do the hiring?"
"Something seems off here."
"Especially as you started the post with 'I gave birth to my husband's baby'."- Ecstatic-Comb-7787
"He tried to console you by commenting on your body?"
"Like he's doing you a favor by telling you you've 'bounced back'."
"Vomited in my mouth a little."- Extension-Nebula-235
"NTA."
"I would have immediately corrected."- SideEmbarrassed1611
"Ok but… why didn’t the nanny say 'oh no I’m the nanny?'"
"Husband could be oblivious and/or awkward, but both?"- pianoandpasta
"He said he was flustered."
"Some people aren’t quick responders."
"It sounds like your insecurities are making you look for a bigger meaning than the one he gave."
"But what are you hoping to hear?"- CallMeBettyThen
"It sounds like you are insecure already about the nanny and this made you even more so."
"I think your husband was being a fool but I think YTA for saying 'maybe you want people to think you’re married to someone who looks like our nanny'.”
"Actually."
"ESH."- hahagato
"I do the same thing as your husband, agreeing politely to speed up the interaction rather than correcting someone."
"I think it’s because I’m an introvert and find small talk with people I don’t know well exhausting."
"I think you’re overthinking this."- Intelligent-Animal68
"Sounds like he’s socially inept."
"Why couldn’t he just introduce himself and the nanny?"
“'Hi, nice to meet you! My name is John, and this is our nanny So-and-so!'”
"That would have avoided the confusion."- Nippa_napa
"Your husband sounds like an idiot."
"NTA but he is."- jus-fax101
"NTA."
"Love, you hit the nail on the head."
"Your husband wants the neighbor to think the nanny is his wife."
"There was no other reason for him to comment on your body 'bouncing back'."
"That was uncalled for and rude."
"You had a baby a few months ago."
"Maybe instead of letting your neighbor believe a lie, he could simply have said this is our nanny."
"My wife is in the kitchen."
"Just as you said."
"He wasn’t flustered."
"He was embarrassed."
"Apparently, his wife was in the kitchen, and the nanny had the baby when he had two hands and was right there."
"I’m sure y'all have a nanny for a reason, and just because you are both home doesn’t mean you aren't working, but if he had time to answer the door, he had time to explain who everyone was."- EfficientSociety73
It's fairly easy to understand why the OP felt somewhat threatened in this situation.
However, as all her husband said was "thank you," he didn't necessarily confirm the assumption that their nanny was his wife.
One imagines he might be more careful should a similar situation arise down the line, and the OP might try to be more understanding should his foot end up in his mouth once again.
Woman Claps Back At Overweight Roommate After She Calls Her A 'Skinny B*tch' First
Corbis/VCG/GettyImages
A person's weight can be a VERY sensitive topic.
Whether someone is considered overweight or underweight, talking about it can cause a lot of strife.
Some people make comments that they think are light-hearted fun.
But that kind of fun can sting emotionally.
Redditor Certain_Nothing_3355 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (22 F[emale]) have three roommates."
"Lacey (22 F) is one of my roommates."
"All four of us have a good relationship; we regularly have dinner together, go out together, and hang out at our apartment."
"Sometimes Lacey can be snarky, but usually we don’t really say anything to her or each other about it."
"I just chalk it up to a personality quirk and accept it."
"For context, I am 115lb, and Lacey is 215lb (she’s recently started her weight loss journey and posts her weight online)."
"I promise this is relevant."
"Last night, my roommates and I were getting ready for a night out, and I was in my room with the door open, putting makeup on."
"Music was playing, and my roommates were running in and out of each other’s rooms to borrow clothes and chat about plans for the night."
"Lacey walked by my room to grab something from our shared bathroom."
"As she did, she looked into my room and loudly said, 'I’m so glad I’m not one of those skinny bi*ches that needs makeup to feel good about herself.”
"Before thinking, I snapped back, 'I’m so glad I’m not one of those overweight b*tches that needs to put other girls down to feel good about herself.'”
"And then I went right back to putting on my makeup."
"She burst into tears and told me I had no right to bring up her weight."
"I told her she brought up my weight first, so she had no leg to stand on."
"Later, one of my other roommates told me I was out of line since Lacey has struggled with her weight, and we all know she can make sharp comments sometimes, so I should have let it go."
"I agree, I could have probably been nicer about it, but at the same time, I feel like I was also matching the energy she gave me."
The OP was left to wonder:
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. I'm an overweight snarky b***h, and Lacey got what she asked for."
"If we have learned nothing from the body positive movement, it's that NOBODY is allowed to comment on someone else's appearance."
"She drew first blood."
"She won't do it again... lol." ~ kstweetersgirl2013
"NTA. I had a girl call me anorexic all throughout school, and everyone had an issue when I'd call her fat."
"You don't get to make derogatory comments about other people's bodies without expecting it back."
"If I'm going to be an ar*ehole, then I'd fully expect it back."
"I don't see why it should be any different just because she's overweight."
"That doesn't provide her with immunity from having her actions reflected back at her."
"If she doesn't like it, then she should have enough self-awareness to realize she started it and should have expected it back." ~ SleepyDeluxe
"Lacey struggles with her mouth, too, by making such an ugly remark."
"She fired the first shot."
"You just fired back. NTA." ~ YakCertain5472
"NTA. Some insecure big girls think, since being skinny is generally considered conventionally attractive, that it’s OK and fair to disparage and insult people thinner than they are. It’s not."
"They don’t like comments about their bodies or weight, and they shouldn’t do the same to others."
"You gave her a taste of her own medicine, and hopefully she’ll think twice before talking to anyone like that again." ~ draizetrain
"NTA. You’re not in the wrong for clapping back."
"She should learn that you treat others how you want to be treated yourself."
"Not your fault, you returned the favor." ~ turtlesaregorgeous
"NAH, fu*k that. I had a 'friend' who constantly made snide comments on my body."
"She was insecure with herself and lashed out to make herself feel bigger."
"She had the same reaction your roommate did when I started throwing it back."
"Sorry, kids - being overweight isn't a bulletproof shield to protect you from the ramifications of being an as*hole."
"Don't start none, won't be none."
"Either go to therapy and deal with your insecurities, or get it back in your face." ~ Internal-Student-997
"Not the as*hole."
"I couldn't care less if 'that's just how she is' and that she's sensitive about her weight."
"She's an as*hole for being rude for no reason."
"Seriously, she's not being 'snarky.'"
"She's being a rude as*hole."
"What you said was snarky."
"What she said was completely uncalled for."
"Maybe now she'll think twice about insulting people for absolutely no reason." ~ EffectiveNo7681
"I'm going with NTA only because I feel like that sort of behavior needs to have consequences."
"Let her cry and feel bad; if she says something rude about your body, and you give that back to her?"
"Well, maybe she'll think twice in the future."
"I can see why some people went with ESH because, yes, you could have handled it kinder."
"But you're 22, and also you just gave her back what she gave you, which wasn't at all unfair."
"She was rude; you were rude in return."
"She got upset."
"Them's the consequences, hopefully she learned the right lesson here."
"That said, your remark probably really cut her, because underneath her rudeness is likely a lot of insecurity and jealousy, and that's what drove her comment."
"It's not up to you to be her therapist, but if you care about her, you might want to try to have a conversation with her about what drove her to say that to you when you've both calmed down."
"Someone may need to encourage her to get some support rather than taking her angst out on others." ~ Datura_Rose
"NTA and you were NOT 'out of line.'"
"If she’s going to be a b*tch she should expect others to be a b*tch right back, especially about the same thing."
"She doesn’t sound 'snarky,' she sounds like she needs therapy and a proper sit-down to discuss boundaries and appropriate behavior." ~ SteampunkRobin
"NTA. Especially because some people struggle with gaining weight."
"People tell me all the time, 'I wish I were as skinny as you!!'”
"Okay, do you also wish you had thyroid problems that make it impossible to properly digest and hang onto the thousands of dollars I spend on food?"
"My body is killing itself from the inside out, but yeaaaaahhh go tell me to eat another cheeseburger." ~ Dull-Selection615
"See... some of these comments aren't it... yes it costs nothing to be kind, and you don't have to match her energy."
"However, constantly having to push aside her comments because 'that's just how she is' is absolutely not ok."
"Being overweight and snarky are not free passes for her to weaponize and use them."
"Sometimes you need to snap back. NTA." ~ nackle09
"NTA - She was tearing you down to make herself feel better. "
"Sure, she struggles with weight, meaning that was a guaranteed gut shot (no pun intended), but that means she more than understands how hurtful it is to be judged by size."
"Which would make this situation all the more disappointing for you."
"Also, if someone wants to be the snarky friend and make comments like that with no repercussions, then they gotta learn to take some of it back, especially if they cross the line."
"She’s your friend, sure, you could have been nicer, but good intentions only get you so far, and even if she meant it in jest, it doesn’t mean there’s no line to cross." ~ Jedi_Of_Kashyyyk
"NTA. I imagine this isn't the first time she has done something like this."
"You don't have to always just ignore her and let it go; it's not fair that you keep being insulted and do nothing about it."
"I see no difference between what she said and what you said, so if she cried, maybe she'll use this experience to understand how she constantly makes other people feel." ~ WhatTookTheeSoLong
"NTA, she brought up weight first as an attempt to bully without any retaliation; she knows weight is a touchy subject and has made sure no one is allowed to make comments like that to her, but she feels entitled to make opposite comments."
"Do not apologize, but I’d maybe have a roommate sit down and talk about what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to and about others."
"And make it about weight because it’s uncomfortable, but she started this."
"People have all sorts of reasons they are overweight, and some of them really can’t help it."
"In the same fashion, some people are underweight, and you don’t know why they are that skinny, and it’s none of your business, just like it’s nobody’s business why you are overweight."
"Say plainly: these comments about ANY weight have got to stop because they’re harmful."
"From now on, your apartment and your language are body positive no matter what, and snarky comments will get called out as the asshole remarks they are." ~ Netflxnschill
"NTA, as a plus-size woman myself, I would never comment on someone's body, and if I did, I'd expect the same energy back." ~ kpi3zy
Reddit is with you, OP.
You had every right to defend yourself.
Hopefully, you can all talk it out.
Good Luck.