Perhaps the biggest gamble one takes when they enter into a marriage is what their relationship with their in-laws will be.
Ideally, there’s no issue at all, and everyone is accepted as if they were blood relations, and not only related by marriage.
Some people might otherwise not be friends with their in-laws, but manage to put aside their differences and make it work and avoid conflict.
Others simply can not get along with their in-laws, no matter how hard they try.
Such was sadly the case with Redditor Grace-Full4235, who’s relationship with their mother-in-law reached a point that they stopped being on speaking terms.
So bad was their relationship, that the original poster (OP) even demanded that her husband limit his time with his own mother as well.
When the OP discovered that her husband went to celebrate a special occasion with his mother without telling her, she made no attempt to hide her anger.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘causing a scene’ at my MIL’s wedding after I found out that my husband was there against my wishes?”
The OP explained how displeased she was when her husband attended an event she was excluded from, and wasn’t afraid to say so to his face.
“My husband’s mom and I (26 F[emale]) don’t get along at all. it was fine at first til our disagreements started to get bigger.”
“Our last disagreement was because of her wanting to sell the family house and give her older son more money than my husband.”
“MIL told me to stay out of it and my husband said he was fine with it.”
“She ended up putting some distance between us and stop inviting me to events.”
“FINE but I told my husband I expect him to stay home with me when I’m uninvited.”
“She got married days ago, It goes without saying that I was not invited.”
“I asked my husband to promise to stay home with me and not go. he got defensive and said that this was his mom’s wedding and there was no reason for him not to attend.”
“I refused to speak to him after a big argument about it and he eventually said that he’d stay home with me.”
“However, at the day of the wedding he said he was going to ‘hang out with some friends’.”
“I was skeptical so I called his friends and they said they didn’t see him.”
“I knew where he was.”
“I felt betrayed and I wanted to catch him red handed so I got dressed and went to his mom’s wedding.”
“He was actually there.”
“I was fuming when I saw him.”
“He saw me and started following me as I was turning and making my way out.”
“I yelled at him calling him a liar and manipulator.”
“He tried to get me to quiet down since people were staring but I lost it on him and said that he betrayed the promise he made me and that his word meant sh*t to me.
“He got defensive saying he really wanted to be there for his mom and at the same time couldn’t handle me being upset with him and giving him silence so he hid it from me.”
“I told him to get out of my face and went home.”
“He came back looking pissed saying I made a scene at his mom’s wedding and humiliated him when I started yelling at him.”
“I refused to argue but his family came at me calling me horrible and controlling and saying that my husband is a ‘saint’ for still enduring the ‘sh*tty’ behavior of mine.”
“I blocked his sister who was constantly arguing saying my husband has free will and should be able to decide where to go and be without my consent this made him get more pissed.”
“We haven’t talked since then.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously found her to be the a**hole for their behavior at their mother-in-law’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that it was completely out of line for the OP to confront her husband at his mother’s wedding, with many even saying how they understood why the OP’s mother-in-law didn’t want a relationship with her.
“Why are you even butting in?”
“Seems like she has valid reasons to dislike you and, while it would have been a classier move to allow you as a plus one, of course he wants to go to his mom’s wedding.”
“You put him in an unreasonable position.”- MyAskRedditAcct
“Let me get this straight.”
“You tried to involve yourself in his mom’s financial decision that had absolutely nothing to do with you and when she rightfully tried to put in a boundary with you and stopped inviting you round, you demanded your husband never go to events you weren’t at?”
“You tried demanding and manipulating him into not going to his own mothers wedding, which was totally and completely unacceptable in case you’re curious.”
“You argued with him and because he knew he wouldn’t get you to respond rationally he lied and went anyway.”
“You turned up to his mothers wedding and screamed at him causing a massive scene because your abusive control tactics didn’t work like normal.”
“Had the audacity to tell him to ‘stay out of your face’ after you’d hunted him down to yell at him.”
“Come here and wrote this post with an incredible amount of self righteousness and in a tone that suggests you think you’re right?”
“If you want to save your marriage then you need therapy.”
“Although I personally think he’d be better off if he left.”- CrystalQueen3000
“First off, the initial disagreement had fuck all to do with you.”
“You don’t get a say in what your MIL does with her money.”
“Second of all, that’s his mom.”
“You have no right to tell your husband he can’t go to her wedding.”
“Someone is manipulative in this relationship, and it isn’t him.”
“The fact that you felt the need to essentially ruin this woman’s wedding is just the cherry on top of the AH sundae here.”
“You sound like a nightmare.”- Graves_Digger
“Control freak much?”
“This is his mother, and you have no right to try to tell your husband he can’t have anything to do with her or go to her wedding bc your eggshell feelings are hurt.”
“You also had no right but in your nose and her business with her house if your husband has a problem with it your husband needs to be a big boy and handle it himself.”
“You are controlling and you’re going to end up losing your marriage if you don’t get a grip on reality woman.”- Aquarius052
“Of course your MIL will put distance between you if you keep on putting your nose in things that are NONE of your business.”
“She can sell her house if she wants to.”
“She can give her money to whoever she wants to.”
“It’s zero (0) your business.”
“You are not entitled to her money in any way, shape, or form.”
“I think your husband suck for not standing up to you.”
“You are the reason why you are uninvited, he shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.”- MaybeAWalrus
“You don’t get to tell your husband what he should get offended about.”
“You’re actively isolating your husband from his family, which is a manipulative thing to do.”
“Your husband seems to have to lie to you to do things a normal person would just do, implying that you do in fact, cause a scene and raise hell when things don’t go your way.”- demonicexgf
“Of course YTA.”
“You ARE controlling!”
“Your mother in law was totally justified in not inviting you.”
“I don’t blame your husband for going without you.”
“You proved just how much of an AH you were when you went and confronted your husband at a wedding.”
“Dressed up I might add.”
“Get some therapy.”- ajnabee1234
“Your MIL sure sounds crazy.”
“First, she decides.”
“On her own, without any input from you whatsoever.”
“How she wants to divvy up her estate.”
“Although both her heirs are fine with it, she didn’t take YOUR opinions into account.”
“Next, she may have gotten upset when you started yelling at your husband at her wedding.”
“Your MIL is a whack job.”
Meddling in affairs which don’t concern you is a very easy way to begin estrangement with friends and family.
What’s rather sad, however, is the OP’s decision to embrace, even exacerbate her poor relationship with her mother-in-law rather than try to mend it.
Sadder still, it now seems to be putting a strain on her marriage.