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Bride Upset After Future MIL Demands She Postpone ‘Stupid’ Marriage Due To SIL’s Pregnancy

pregnant person with their hand on their belly
ImagesBazaar/Getty Images

Stories of sibling rivalry have been popular in fiction for millennia. And they’ve played out in real life as well.

Sometimes parents contribute to the rivalry by having a favored child.

A bride whose fiancé isn’t his family’s golden child turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after being told to postpone their wedding.

Living-Time-9787 asked:

“AITA for not postponing our wedding to accommodate my sister-in-law (SIL)?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“My fiancé (male, 28) and I (female, 28) are set to be married in December. We got engaged in June 2023, and decided on the wedding date a year and half in advance for everyone’s convenience.”

“We have been dating for 10 years and have been saving up for the wedding for 5 years, to be able to afford an extravagant wedding in a palace in India, and we finally made those arrangements.”

“My husband’s sister has always been a golden child. She always got what she asked for, as opposed to my husband, who they treat like a cash cow.”

“Every time his mother needs anything expensive, he’s the first call she makes. I try not getting between them, but she’s never shown any interest in his life.”

“Coming to the wedding, we sent out save the dates in December 2023 for people to plan their holidays/plans way in advance. My future SIL got married 3 years back.”

“It was a nice wedding, but not as fancy as ours. When she knew about our plans, she started finding problems in everything to the point where my husband asked her to stop interfering.”

“Last week, we got a call from her in all excitement to tell us she was pregnant and is expecting a child in December. Both of us were shocked, but happy for her and congratulated her.”

“She then proceeded saying ‘so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall. I would need help with the baby’. I was baffled and told her the wedding is still on, and her having a child does not change our wedding plans.”

“She threw a fit when I said that and hung up.

“Later that day, his mom called and told us to postpone the wedding 6 months so his sister could attend it, and if we didn’t, then she wouldn’t attend either, and that her daughter’s pregnancy was a bigger event than our ‘STUPID’ marriage.”

“His father doesn’t want us to postpone the wedding and is, in fact, more supportive than ever.”

“My husband was upset and chose not to respond, but I lost my sh*t. I told her that if my SIL prioritized her pregnancy over our marriage (which she knew for about a year and a half), we’re not obligated to prioritize her pregnancy over our happiness.”

“My husband is speechless, and we don’t know what to do.”

“WIBTA for not postponing the wedding?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“We’re not postponing the wedding. His mother would want to see her son get married.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA. The cynic in me thinks it’s a ploy by your sister-in-law to see how far you’ll jump if she says higher. I hope I am wrong, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something goes sideways with the ‘pregnancy’ if you change your wedding date.”

“Either way, you don’t need to rearrange your wedding because your sister-in-law can’t make it. And the drama won’t stop there either, your mother-in-law will need to go to where she is, so she can be their for your sister-in-law in her time of need.”

“Carry on with your plans and don’t know tow to their unreasonable requests and demands.” ~ Peony-Pony

“NTA. You’re better off without them. Much better off.” ~ diminishingpatience

“That includes stopping her husband from sending MIL money every time she asks. OP needs to sit him down and make it clear his family will only ever use him whilst treating you both like crap.”

“That if his mum thinks she can demand them to cancel ‘their stupid wedding’ then she’s no longer entitled to his money or to be part of their lives. That she’s had ten years of him allowing and enabling them to treat her and him like crap.”

“Now he has to make that commitment to support his future wife and cut off toxic people; otherwise, he’s helping them affect their lives negatively.” ~ Sweet-Interview5620

“Do the math. Unless the future sister-in-law is able to keep a secret really well, if she just found out she’s pregnant, then she’s due in March of next year, not this December.”

“NTA. Just go on with your plans and your lives. These toxic people will either show up or they won’t. You must stop catering to their whims and giving them money.” ~ LakotaGrl

“Might be a blessing in disguise. If MIL skips the wedding, that might be the push OP’s fiancé needs to stop being his mother’s cash cow. NTA regardless.” ~ PettyYetiSpaghetti

“Tell her you respect that she prioritizes her daughter like that. Family is important. So from now on you and your fiancé will prioritize your new family as well.”

“This will mean that he can not financially contribute to her or her family anymore. Expect requests for financial support for the new baby.”

“Congratulations on your wedding. Make it YOUR day. NTA.” ~ Aggressive_Cup8452

“Don’t postpone. Six months later it’ll be ‘kid is only 6 months old and not had all their shots so can’t travel’. Then it’ll be another excuse.”

“Have your drama-free wedding without a golden child and her enabler.” ~ Unlikely-Shop5114

“That is assuming she is actually pregnant now and not just making it up to cause trouble. I give the odds about 50/50. NTA.” ~ Loud-Bee6673

“Yeah, this calls for an ‘excited’ email saying you are over the moon about your future nibling, please send ultrasound immediately and, of course, you will set up a livestream so they can watch your wedding from the palace in India. NTA.” ~ shelwood46

“NTA. Unless she’s actively in labor during your wedding, she can watch over Zoom. I’d offer to get someone to set up a livestream for her, and that’s it.”

“This ‘…so you can just come to SF to get married at the City Hall. I would need help with the baby’ makes me wonder if she’s making up the pregnancy. Changing your wedding to something she considers worse than hers seems to be her primary motivation.” ~ ApprehensiveBook4214

“NTA. Your in-laws have obviously made it clear who the favorite is—hint: It isn’t your husband.”

“Your husband needs to stop letting them use him as an ATM. And no one can demand your help because they made the choice to have child.” ~ NotCreativeAtAll16

“Other people have been given loads of time to prepare for the wedding. Is it fair to disrupt them and their travel plans for your SIL? NTA.”

“Keep the date, and if his parents choose not to attend, then they miss out. Because if you postpone six months, you know she will have another reason to interfere. Congrats and good luck.” ~ SusanfromMA

“NTA—You are going to postpone your wedding to help take care of a child you did not give birth to?”

“I know you don’t want to get in the middle of your husband’s relationship with his family, but you could gently hint that he should limit contact with his mother for his own mental health. Be supportive of whatever he wants to do.”

“There SHOULD be a discussion of how finances will be handled as a married couple. I would not be comfortable with my husband using money that could be used to build our lives together on a family member who is not having an emergency.”

“Don’t demand that he not give his mother money, but it should be a discussion.” ~ lostalldoubt86

“NTA. So, his mother wanted you to cancel and threatened ‘if we don’t then she wouldn’t attend either’.”

“Jackpot! The proper response to that is ‘Okay, but we’ll miss you’.”

“His mother has now given your fiancé the perfect excuse to never give her money again. Discuss this golden opportunity to break free with your fiancé.” ~ extinct_diplodocus

“Man, what is it about weddings that drive family members absolutely insane? No, you’re not the asshole, your sister in law is acting like the spoiled brat she is.”

“So the whole family has to grind to a halt and re-center around her until her pregnancy is over? Why? It’s fantastic that she’s having a baby, but other stuff gets to happen too.”

“She’s not the protagonist of reality, and you’re not her supporting cast.”

“Just the sheer narcissism required to think you can postpone someone else’s wedding… you can tell nobody checks this woman.”

“Weddings are huge and complicated, both emotionally and logistically. You’ve already got yours rolling, who does she think she is to demand it change course now?”

‘Your husband’s mother doesn’t get to hold her attendance hostage. Your wedding isn’t about them and it certainly isn’t about your husband’s sister.

“They can either come or not. No negotiations. Time to check these idiots so hard their noses break.” ~ Ok_Surprise_4090

The OP may not have the support of their future sister-in-law and mother-in-law, but it’s doubtful they ever would or did.

OP’s future sister-in-law seems focused on making sure the wedding is a simple city hall ceremony so their wedding doesn’t outshine hers.

And the future mother-in-law seems focused on catering to her daughter’s every whim.

It looks like a great time for the OP and her fiancé to set their own priorities going forward. Hopefully, it centers on their own happiness.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.