Anyone who has ever had to navigate a food restriction, whether it was because of illness, surgery, or food allergy, can attest to how frustrating it can be to not be able to have those foods.
But no matter how tough it might be to see other people who can still eat them, it gives them no right to demand that the people around them cut those foods out, too, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor mistress_of_hades had a roommate who recently had surgery, and part of the post-surgery plan was cutting out certain foods while they were healing.
They took the news so badly that they demanded that the Original Poster (OP) and anyone else in their immediate circle not eat the foods around them until they were healed.
She asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for eating food my roommate can’t eat?”
The OP’s roommate’s post-surgery plan included a restricted diet.
“My roommate (32 Female) recently had surgery, and they have been on an extremely strict diet that consists of only bland foods.”
“They have been bummed about not being able to eat things that they enjoy for the last few weeks or so.”
The OP enjoyed takeout when she had to work late.
“I (27 Female) work an intense job that requires me to work semi-late, especially one night a week in particular, where I have to travel to our furthest office. This drive takes at least an hour each way, so I’m not home until after 8:00 PM and am very hungry and exhausted by then.”
“Usually on these nights, I’ll treat myself by getting delicious takeout and enjoying it while watching a show to wind down for the night.”
“Last night, I got a meal that I was craving, and it just so happens to be one of my roommate’s favorites.”
“I ate it in the living room while we watched TV, then placed the leftovers in a fridge totally separate from theirs. I made no big thing to rub it in their face at all.”
The OP’s roommate called her out for eating in front of them.
“The next morning, they were very passive-aggressive and claimed I was being inconsiderate for eating foods they liked in front of them.”
“This roommate expects all of us living there to not eat things they like while they are recovering because it’s ‘inconsiderate’ to them.”
“I feel like I work hard and can eat whatever I want as an adult, because surgery does not entitle you to control other people.”
“Am I so wrong for eating food I want while they recover?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that what their roommate was expecting was unreasonable.
“There is no world in which you are the AH for this. You are not obligated to change your diet to match your roommate’s.”
“If your roommate has a problem with you eating in front of her, then she can go to a different room while you eat.”
“NTA.” – Rredhead926
“NTA.”
“I have food allergies I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Let alone demand roommates not eat what I can’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that her post-surgery diet is bland. I can never have lemon juice, vinegar, beer, or red meat again. Some people die if peanuts are just… in the air. A bland diet for a few weeks isn’t really a hardship that she should be all upset at you about.”
“The world does not revolve around a single person. OP’s roommate is incredibly childish and entitled. Just roll your eyes and ignore her temper tantrum, OP.” – Pippet_4
“Your roommate’s situation is unfortunate, but that doesn’t mean they get to impose their dietary restrictions on you. I’m gluten-free and have lived with roommates who eat all kinds of things that I miss desperately but sadly can’t have.”
“That said, if I knew they were struggling with the restrictions, I probably wouldn’t have eaten one of their favorite meals right in front of them, so it sounds like there’s room for a bit more empathy on your end.” – allie06nd
“My stomach is very mean to me. It would be an a**hole move to limit everyone to my diet. I survive other people having tasty stuff and am happy for them.” – concrete_dandelion
“Next week, I have to prepare for medical tests by having only clear liquids for four days. I certainly don’t expect my husband to eat all his meals outside of the house all week.”
“Will it be hard for me? Probably. But as an adult, I’m sure I can handle it.”
“NTA.” – MerelyWhelmed1
“I had a dental operation done two months ago, in one swift surgery, I had five teeth removed from a bit all over my mouth. I couldn’t eat solids for a week and a half, should’ve been more, but I was so tired of my liquid diet that I was microdosing solid foods just to have a different aftertaste in my mouth (I couldn’t chew, so I couldn’t really taste much, so I was eating but not really enjoying foods).”
“In that time frame, my partner could eat whatever he wanted. He is an absolute darling, so he shared a few meals with me, but I wouldn’t have begrudged him if he ate anything I couldn’t eat, and in fact, he did. At the same table where I would be having my boring, bland, liquid diet.”
“I would sometimes longingly look at his plate and say, ‘I’m so jealous, I can’t wait to TASTE and enjoy food again,’ but I never barred him from eating anything in my presence. Also, he is the sweetest and often made me purée or soup alongside his own meal, so I wouldn’t have to cook.”
“I could, technically, but it was better for the recovery that I didn’t, so I could rest and apply ice packs.”
“My partner supported me by eating his most delicious meals while outside of the house (when he was at work or with friends) and a little more bland while home, but I never asked him to do that. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to punish him for my suffering, and he was tactful even though he didn’t really need to.”
“But it’s not like he never ate well in my presence, I’ve seen him tear into some delicious burgers and meat while I was eating the same liquid food for the third time in one day, I was super envious of his freedom, but now I can eat everything, too!” – Shawnaverse_no1_fan
Others agreed and said a whole household didn’t have to follow diet restrictions.
“NTA. I’m diabetic. So no sugar. A family member has a piece of cheesecake in the fridge right now.”
“I couldn’t care less. My food restrictions should not, and do not, affect the people I live with.” – PurpleStar1965
“I used to work with a guy who had a family history of Type-Two diabetes. So he was super careful about what he ate, not because he was diabetic, but because he did not want to be.”
“Someone once asked him, ‘Do you really not want a choc chip cookie? Do you not like cookies?’ and he replied, ‘Yes, but I love my toes more.'”
“We ate our cookies. He did not eat cookies. I tried not to eat cookies in front of him, out of respect, but he didn’t mind that people did.” – originalcinner
“NTA. You’d need to be actively rubbing it in their face to be an AH in this scenario. Like changing when/where you eat specifically so they can see you eating and making comments about how good the food in their face.” – Aesperacchius
“Anybody who projects their issues/problems/limitations onto others is an insufferable human being.”
“Grow the f**k up and deal with your own life. It is absurd that people think they can have an issue with others living their lives NORMALLY all because they have specific circumstances that do not allow that for them (temporarily or permanently).”
“About as immature as people can get, in my opinion.” – PlsStopAndThinkFirst
“NTA. Neither the world nor the refrigerator revolves around your roommate.” – FrostShawk
“My knees are acting out, and my roommates are getting the silent treatment for being inconsiderate enough to walk in front of me. Like, come on! Do they have to rub it in my face?!”
“NTA. Just because I’m having a flare-up doesn’t mean I wish it on anyone else. The same would be true if I couldn’t eat certain foods. Others should be able to enjoy what they want to enjoy, even if I can’t do the same.” – AVikingsDaughter
The subReddit understood that the roommate might be going through a hard time while already having to go through the healing process post-surgery, and that it must feel terrible to not be able to eat foods that they enjoy.
However, it was a temporary precaution and food restriction, not a permanent one, and being around foods that they loved was not dangerous to them like an airborne peanut allergy.
As long as the OP and other friends weren’t actively bullying the roommate about the foods that they couldn’t eat, they only needed to wait until their doctor gave them clearance to go back to eating their favorite foods.