A honeymoon post-wedding trip or period of seclusion for newlyweds has roots in ancient European traditions, but has evolved over time.
At one point, most brides and grooms first time alone together wasn’t until after their wedding. In some cases, especially among the nobility, the couple might not even meet until the wedding.
The period right after the wedding was important for the couple to get to know each other without interference. And to consummate the marriage, because the union could be dissolved at any time until it was consummated.
But today, a honeymoon usually just means a trip for the couple. People are becoming more flexible, taking their honeymoon weeks, months, or even years after the wedding to save money for the trip they want to take.
Of course, there are ways to save money.
But if someone goes the discount route, are they entitled to make special requests?
A woman whose brother-in-law’s honeymoon hack is to stay with his brother (her husband) turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after he made a request she found unreasonable.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
Truethrowaway90211 asked:
“AITAH for saying that my brother-in-law and his future wife can’t sleep in our bedroom while we host them on their honeymoon?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (35, female) and my husband (36, male) are fortunate enough to live in an area of the world that is very beautiful, and as a result, frequently visited for honeymoons.”
“My brother-in-law (30, male) and his soon-to-be wife (28, female) are getting married in August and want to honeymoon in the area where my husband and I live. They asked around a month ago if they could stay with us on their honeymoon.”
“We agreed; they are family and are also tight on funds. We are happy to help and host them.”
“However, they asked my husband last week if they could stay in our bedroom on their honeymoon. We have a two-bedroom home, and our guest room has an air mattress that is used when friends/family stay (otherwise, it is my work-from-home office, hence why we don’t have a typical mattress in there).
“My BIL didn’t really get into the specifics of why they didn’t want the guest bedroom/air mattress, but the gist seemed to be ‘we don’t think an air mattress is honeymoon appropriate’.”
“When my husband asked me about it, I was honest with him and said I wasn’t comfortable with his brother and his new wife sleeping in our bed on their honeymoon. My husband agreed with me.”
“Apparently, us saying no to this request has caused some issues in my husband’s family, particularly with his sister, who’s saying we should just let BIL and his future wife stay in our room as ‘it is THEIR honeymoon and they shouldn’t have to sleep on an air mattress.'”
“We love everyone in this scenario, especially BIL and his future wife, and don’t want to cause a rift, so my husband is sort of leaning towards acquiescing to their request. However, I am not down to change my mind on this.”
“It honestly really grosses me out because I believe that the reason they want our bedroom is so they can comfortably bang during their honeymoon on a regular—not air—mattress.”
The OP later added:
“BIL (before he was with his fiancée) has visited us before and the air mattress was zero issue then.”
“And we have NEVER let anyone visiting us stay in our bedroom/bed, even my husband’s parents/my parents…”
“I could soooort of understand BIL asking this of us for while he’s on his honeymoon (even if inappropriate/entitled/in bad taste, etc…) if we had done so for others. But again, we never have.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to set a boundary at her bedroom door (NTA).
“Remind sister and the rest of the family that no one, let alone you and your husband, are forcing them to spend their honeymoon in your home. That was their choice and their request.”
“Your guest bed happens to be an air mattress. If they think that an air mattress isn’t good enough, they are free to choose any other location that isn’t your home.” ~ BlazingSunflowerland
“Tell your sister-in-law, ‘Well, Sister, I’m happy to hear that you will be paying for their hotel room so they don’t have to sleep on an air mattress’.” ~ e37d93eeb23335dc
“I’d also ask the sister if she’d be alright with her family members banging in her bed. If not, she can STFU and butt out.” – MadameDePom
“They should rescind the invitation, citing the family as the reason: ‘The family has stated loudly and clearly that the offer of use of the guest bedroom was unacceptable. We apologize profusely and humbly withdraw the offer. We shall not make that mistake again’.” ~ HoosegowFlask
“Yup. And when those same family members ask to stay with them during their vacations, politely decline as you agree that an air mattress is just not an appropriate sleeping arrangement and you’d hate to feel like you were not living up to proper standards.” ~ Resident-War7186
“If they’re so upset about the air mattress, they can pay for a regular mattress to be put into the room. Or the couple can wait until next year to go on their honeymoon.”
“There’s no timeline for these things. My husband and I went a year after we got married.” ~ Crimsonglory13
“I would remind anyone who asks that yes, it is their honeymoon…which means they will be having honeymoon sex in YOUR bed. EWWWW.”
“My husband would be equally as grossed out by his brother having sex in our bed…in our sheets…touching things in our room afterward… *EWWW*”
“I would also remind that to husband every time I heard a negative remark, and ask him to get his family in line, or make it clear they should only contact him with their complaints regarding your free AirBNB.” ~ Size-Working
“The utter entitlement of some people never fails to amaze me. If you can’t afford to honeymoon at a particular location, then you honeymoon at a location you can afford.”
“Apparently, the only way BIL and future SIL can afford to honeymoon at OP’s location involves sleeping on an air mattress. Either deal with that or honeymoon elsewhere.” ~ Tranqup
“Also, it’s weird to ask to sleep in someone’s bed. The only case I can see someone taking over my bed is in some kind of last-minute dire emergency, where they have a back problem and couldn’t sleep on the couch/guest room.”
“To plan to sleep in someone else’s bed is insane.” ~ Novaer
“I agree. It’s my private space. It’s like insisting on borrowing someone else’s underwear. For their honeymoon.”
“Years ago, I came home to my flat share after a weekend at my parents, to find that my flatmate’s mum was visiting and the flatmate had put her in my bedroom, in my bed while I was gone.”
“I would’ve had the weirdest expression on my face because said flatmate got defensive and said, ‘It was just for the weekend’.”
“My boyfriend and I had been ‘sleeping’ together in that bed the morning I left and I hadn’t put the sheets in the wash yet. Argh. If she’d only just asked me…”
“And yes, I checked, they were the same sheets. I was so mortified and never told her. Hopefully Mum was wise and slept on top of the bedcovers.” ~ Lightness_Being
“NTA—absolutely no. They can save up for a hotel. They don’t have to take their honeymoon right now, they can wait a year or so. The entitlement is extreme.” ~ LividIdeal791
“All of the relatives saying you’re wrong can pitch in for a hotel if it’s that important.” ~ CooterSam
“In my opinion, it’s a combo of ‘it’s our honeymoon that we’re entitled to so we deserve a real bed’ and ‘I don’t wanna f*ck for weeks on an air mattress on my honeymoon’.”
“Either way, the solutions to both of those issues is ‘well then you should probably make sure you budget enough money for your honeymoon to make that happen’. Not ‘let’s negotiate how you imagine your honeymoon in my home’.” ~ SamusAlways
“Exactly ! This is ridiculous. You are being nice enough letting them stay in your guest room for two weeks.”
“It’s entitled to ask for your own bed. I’d never do that, and I love my sister. Of course, they will have sex on your bed, which would gross me out, too.” ~ Ill-Decision-8450
“This right here is the correct answer. The OP needs to tell the sister and the whole family that if they are so worried about it, they can pitch in to put them up in a motel then.” ~ Hirider34_2023
The OP and her husband will be doing the newlyweds a favor by opening up their home to them.
Opening up their bed as well is a bit much to ask.