Sometimes doing people favors can get out of control.
After a while, a lot of people tend to start taking advantage.
And maybe they don’t mean to… but they do.
Redditor WildflowerWish71 to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend I won’t drive her to work anymore after she kept making us late?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) have been giving my friend ‘Lena’ (27 F) a ride to work for the past 3 months.”
“We live a few blocks apart, work at the same place (different departments), and start at the same time, so it made sense at first.”
“At the beginning, everything was fine.”
“But over the past month, she’s started running late — like really late.”
“I text her when I leave my house, and sometimes I end up sitting outside for 10-15 minutes waiting.”
“A few times she’s even asked me to swing by a coffee shop or drop her off at a different entrance, which adds time.”
“We’ve both gotten written up for being late twice now.”
“I finally told her this week that I can’t keep driving her if she’s not ready on time.”
“I said I like her, and I don’t want to fall out over something small, but I need to look out for myself and my job.”
“She got really quiet and said she ‘didn’t think it was that big a deal’ and that I was being ‘kind of cold’ over something that ‘was supposed to be a favor.’”
“Now she’s barely talking to me at work, and a mutual friend told me she feels ‘ditched.’”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I felt like I was doing her a favor, and she started treating it like a service.”
“I’m not her Uber driver.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So — AITA for cutting off the ride after she kept making me late?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Tell her you’re leaving at a certain time, and if she’s not in the car, send a quick text telling her you left.”
“And go.”
“Don’t give her one minute to see if she’s coming.”
“Don’t fall for the ‘turn on the porch light, so wait because I’m almost there’ trick.”
“She’s a funny one to be upset with you for not wanting to be fired.”
“Sounds like she doesn’t need her job, so she really should have no issues with you protecting yours by leaving her in time to get there on time.” ~ RandoCollision
“If you still want to help the AH, because she is one.”
“Tell her to be at xx/mm and in y place.”
“She’s there?”
“Great! You take her to where you go, and she goes to get her coffee or another entrance on her own after you arrive at work, and you each go your own way.”
“NTA, but stop letting her use you as a doormat.”
“No stops on the way, no delay unless YOU have something making you late.”
“And no more preferences for dropping off.”
“She’s NOT DOING YOU A FAVOR. You are doing her one.” ~ Organic_Start_420
“I’ve seen this many times.”
“Anytime someone gets something for free, a ride to work, someone mowing their lawn, lending them their car, etc, they get used to it and take it for granted.”
“That becomes ‘the norm,’ the status quo.”
“So if you ever say you’d like your car back or you can’t mow their lawn, suddenly YOU are being an a**hole and taking ‘their car’ or not ‘doing your job.'” ~ TheZZ9
“Yep, Lena’s logic is illogical.”
“OP was doing Lena a favor and yet somehow OP being upset that the favor is causing problems is OP’s fault… like, WTF???”
“OP doesn’t NEED to pick up Lena; OP doesn’t need to carpool; basically OP doesn’t need Lena.”
“So why does she think that getting mad at OP will work?”
“And being written up twice is ‘not a big deal?'”
“OP needs just to stop the carpool.”
“Don’t swing by and take Lena if she is ready.”
“Just stop altogether and let Lena figure out her own way to and from work.” ~ One_Ad_704
“NTA. You have already completed the first 12 weeks of free transportation.”
“No gratitude here!”
“Set yourself free, have a relaxing drive enjoy some music.”
“Why would you want to subject yourself to the extra stress?”
“She doesn’t even care if she is late.”
“She is an entitled user. It will not change but will take you down with her.”
“I wonder if she told her boss her ride was late?”
“You have to wonder!” ~ Paul110998
“NTA because your job is more important.”
“Might be worth having a chat with her about why she was late so much.”
“Is there something wrong, or she’s just being lazy?”
“And that’s not related to whether you should be giving her a lift, it’s just about keeping her as a friend.”
“If she’s got something going on making her late maybe it’ll help to talk about it.”
“If she’s just being lazy, then you don’t need to feel bad if she decides to end the friendship.” ~ Over_Ring_3525
“I’m sure you understand how serious it is to be written up for being late to work.”
“Once is bad enough.”
“Usually, when you get written up, it’s not for the first offense.”
“It’s because the person has demonstrated a pattern of being late.”
“I know because I was habitually late at my job, and after quite a few times, my manager wrote me up.”
“And I was only like 2-3 minutes late each time.”
“That was the first and last time I was ever written up.”
“I was never late after that.”
“But two?”
“This means if there is a third, you could potentially be fired.”
“So don’t feel bad about ‘Lena,’ you can tell the mutual friend that you’re not willing to get fired on her account. NTA.” ~ Capable_Restaurant11
“Just reading your header made it easy for me to say NTA.”
“Anyone who takes your courtesy as granted does not deserve any consideration.”
“So, she won’t talk to you?”
“Let her mope, and you can return the favor by ignoring/gassing her as though she does not exist.”
“Let her seek out another sucker to leach kindness.” ~ macross1984
“It’s clear she doesn’t have a handle on reality.”
“Her statement that she didn’t think it was a big deal to be late says a lot.”
“And the fact that she takes your statement about not wanting to be late to preserve your career as you ditching her also indicates that she’s a bit deluded.”
“I would tell her that you’ll continue to drive her, but you’re not going to wait for her.”
“You’ll be outside her house or apartment at such and such a time, and you’ll honk your horn or text her that you’re there, and then you will wait exactly 1 minute and if she’s not out you will take off even if she begs you to wait just another minute or two.”
“And then stick to that.”
“This way, she has a chance to preserve getting a ride with you if she can get her act together.”
“But you won’t be putting yourself or your job at risk.”
“Just wait one minute and then leave without saying anything, without texting her anything.”
“And then she can just call an Uber or whatever to get her to work.”
“Maybe that’ll be the kick in the butt that she needs to get her to be ready on time.”
“If not, then at least you’ll get to work on time. NTA.” ~ nrgins
“Yeah, a favor TO HER. Not FROM her.”
“And you’re getting written up over it, so it does matter.”
“NTA. I doubt she’s hurt.”
“Just salty that her free ride is gone.”
“I don’t get this ‘you’re cold over a favor’ thing.”
“You retracted the favor when it started to negatively impact your means of making money.”
“So… yeah. She got along fine before you, she can figure it out without you.”
“Sorry for her lot, but she had a really good thing going and she chose to abuse the favor you were doing.” ~ Perimentalpause
“Oof 1000% NTA.”
“It’s Lena’s world and we’re all just living in it, is what it sounds like.”
“If you still want to drive her tell her the time you’ll be there and she needs to be outside waiting for you before that.”
“Not you calling her to get out or anything.”
“And when that time passes you’re gone.”
“But she sounds like she’s one to start drama and play the victim for anything, so it’s probably best if she finds alternative ways to get to work.”
“That way you won’t have to deal with any stories she’ll come up with to make you look bad.”
“I’m willing to bet she doesn’t even contribute to gas money?”
“Buys you a coffee every day as a thanks? No? Right.” ~ cancel-everything
“NTA. You have been doing her a favor, and she has not only inconvenienced you, she has put your job in jeopardy.”
“Her reaction, especially the ‘feeling ditched’ part comes across as entitled.”
“I guess she only feels like your friend when you go out of your way to do her favors.”
“You are right, you are not her personal Uber.”
“You tried to do something nice, but it didn’t work out due to her own actions.” ~ Thesafflower
“It’s a favor to her, not to you. NTA.”
“What’s the policy for tardiness, is she going to pay your bills since she’s the reason you may lose your job?”
“No- your job security comes first, and she can figure it out.” ~ Exciting-Peanut-1526
“NTA. Your job is your income and a favor should never result in you in trouble.” ~ November-8485
Reddit understands your irritation, OP.
Your coworker is taking advantage.
She needs to get it together.
You have every right to stick up for yourself.
Your car, your rules.