When people cheat romantically, the effects can be far-reaching and go on forever.
It’s especially problematic when families are broken up over it.
Children learn from the behavior of adults.
Often, in these situations, adults will tend to forget that fact.
And the consequences will come back around.
Redditor New_Garden_2234 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not offering support to my dad’s wife and laughing at her when she asked for it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My dad’s wife found out six weeks ago that he’s been cheating on her for years.”
“They have three kids together, and she had no idea he was cheating.”
“His wife, who I’ll call Anne for this post, was my dad’s affair partner when he was married to my mom.”
“I was like 8 when we found out and how that happened was dad brought Anne over to pick up his stuff because he wanted to move in with her.”
“Neither of them gave a s**t that I was there.”
“A few weeks later, my mom died (car accident), and I moved in with my dad and Anne, but I didn’t look at either of them in a positive light.”
“I still don’t, and I’m 17 now.”
“Anne and I butted heads a lot over the years.”
“She would talk about deserving more respect, and I told her she was just the lady my dad cheated on mom with, and she’d never be more than that in my eyes.”
“I told her I didn’t respect her as a person or as a supposed family member.”
“Dad tried to get me to see him more positively at first, but when he realized I’d ask the big questions like why he did that to my mom and me, he stopped trying.”
“I always assumed he found a new mistress but didn’t have proof until a year and a half ago when I saw him with another woman.”
“I said nothing, and I carried on waiting for the day she found out.”
“There were times I wanted to rub it into her face so bad, but I didn’t.”
“I was laughing at her behind her back, and I’ll admit that.”
“When Anne found out, she kicked Dad out, and I moved out with him.”
“This was seen as a controversial choice because Anne wanted me to stay.”
“And since everything went down Anne has wanted me to visit her and wanted me to be with her and Dad’s kids.”
“I’m not close to the kids and don’t really care about having a relationship with them.”
“Last week, Dad brought me by Anne’s place to pick up more of his/our stuff.”
“Anne’s family was there, and Anne and her family were scolding me for choosing Dad over Anne and saying Anne deserved my support.”
“They couldn’t believe I’d pick Dad’s side over hers.”
“I said I picked neither side.”
“But Anne means nothing to me, so I’m not going to do sh*t for her.”
“Anne’s mom told me Anne was a victim.”
“I told them she cheated with a married man and shouldn’t be shocked that he’d do the same to her, because she’s nothing special.”
“They kept engaging with me, and my Dad was taking his sweet a** time.”
“Anne decided to talk to me 1:1 and asked me to stand by her and support her and help her give the kids a good life and show we’re still a family.”
“I laughed in her face.”
“Anne started to cry.”
“Her family asked her about it, and she told them I’d laughed.”
“They called me disgusting and cruel and said I should be ashamed of treating someone in my family that way.”
“Anne’s sister sent me a few DMs before I locked down my socials, but she said I should apologize to Anne and be there for her now to make up for my reaction to her.”
“She told me to be a better man and not some pathetic child who blames the woman for stuff.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Well, you know the old saying, when a man marries his mistress, he opens up a vacancy 🤷 It’s crazy how affair partners act so shocked that a cheater cheats.”
“If he cheated to be with you, then he’ll cheat on you.”
“You ain’t special.”
“NTA, I dunno why she was so desperate for your support when you’ve been obvious in your dislike of her for years.”
“It’s like touching a hot stove and being shocked and upset when it burns you.” ~ SkulledDownunda
“NTA, Everyone sucks here but you.”
You’re not behaving like a sociopath.”
“You’re behaving like someone who is very hurt and frustrated and shouldn’t be put in the middle of this situation.”
“I’m very sorry for your father’s affairs and the loss of your mother.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it was adjusting to everything all in one go.”
“I’m a great deal older than you, and I think I would have said something similar to my stepmother had I been in your situation, even though it’s cruel.”
“I’m surprised she expected empathy when you’ve always made it clear you don’t like her or her choices.”
“I’m sorry for her children’s pain, but I have limited sympathy for someone who is reaping what she has sowed.”
“Her family should be leaving you alone, and they’re behaving unfairly.”
“If it’s an option for you, I think therapy might be really helpful.”
“Sometimes you have to try a couple until you find the right fit, but it can really help.”
“I also highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson, you can often download it as a free P[ortable] D[ocument] F[ormat].”
“It will help you understand your father and stepmother’s behavior and how that affects your feelings and actions.”
“You are a good person in a bad situation.”
“You’re very young, and it’s unfair to label you as sociopathic or anything else when you’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with.”
“Plus, you can’t diagnose anyone over a post online, especially not at your age.”
“Things can get better. You can feel safe and happy, and it will happen.”
“Take one day at a time, talk to friends. If it’s an option, take up a hobby or hobbies.”
“It might help express yourself through art or writing to help you process your feelings.”
“Exercise, even just walking, might be a good way to help you process emotions and get out some frustrations.” ~ Rainbow_dreaming
“NTA. I don’t get the sociopath comments.”
“Relishing her pain is a bit cruel… but her and her family expecting you to stand by her and continue living with her is insane.”
“That, I would laugh at myself.”
“I bet you were going to cut them both off at 18 anyway.” ~ Samarkand457
“NTA. How exactly does she expect a 17-year-old to give her kids a good life?”
“With free babysitting?”
“I’m guessing she never adopted you so legally she has no custodial rights to you, it makes sense that you’d leave with your dad.”
“Did your mom have a will?”
“Any chance that there’s an inheritance that you’ll have access to when you turn 18?”
“Or is there some sort of trust that they’ve been drawing on that your dad’s wife is hoping to still have access to if you stay?” ~ cassowary32
“NTA. There’s no more delicious schadenfreude than when an affair partner gets cheated on.”
“Her family needs to wake up and realize that you were always going to stick with your biological relative although he is also TA for cheating.” ~ C_Majuscula
“What did she expect?”
“Apparently, someone who’s cheated on someone else before is 4 times more likely to do it again.”
“She should’ve seen it coming and it’s definitely not your fault she didn’t, 100% NTA.”
“Also, that’s such a shi**y thing to go through.”
“That’s all there is to say. NTA.” ~ diminishingpatience
“Oh, this happened to my father.”
“He left Mom for Barbara.”
‘A year later, Barbara cheated on him.”
“Mom felt sorry for him and invited him to dinner on Christmas Eve.”
“After we kids went to bed, my father went into the long, sad story about Barbara cheating.”
“He looked Mom straight in the face and said, ‘How can someone say that they love you and then cheat on you?'”
“Mom burst out laughing.”
“‘I don’t know <father’s name>, how CAN someone do that?'”
“He didn’t get it, and was hurt that she laughed at him.” ~ lisaann03071961
“NTA. You behaved better than I would.”
“I’d have massively rubbed it in her face, you were really quite restrained.”
“Tell her if she doesn’t leave you alone you’ll tell the kids.”
“After all, you were old enough to discover it at 8, surely hers are around the same age?”
“Maybe that’ll get her to leave you alone.” ~ HayWhatsCooking
“NTA… you were constant in your dealings with her throughout your time there.”
“To me, she got the Karma she deserved for what she did to your mum.”
“Your dad is just being your dad and will probably rinse and repeat.” ~ th0ughtfull1
“NTA she lost him how she found him, cheaters cheat.”
“If he’ll cheat with you he’ll cheat on you.” ~ Churchie-Baby
“NTA. Play stupid games, and win stupid prizes.”
“Or a much older axiom, a leopard doesn’t change his spots.”
“I probably would’ve even said something like ‘Now you know how it feels’ but that’s just me.”
“And since you don’t have a blood relationship with her, of course, you’d go with your dad.”
‘Your dad’s a dog, and I hope he doesn’t repeat the cycle again, but that’s not your business.” ~ Evening-Cry-8233
“NTA and bravo she needed a good laughing in the face after what she and your dad did to your mother.” ~ Silent-Appearance-78
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have no obligation to these people.
It does sound like you could use some therapy for yourself, though.
You’ve been through a lot.
Holding it all in can be unhealthy.
Good luck.