We’ve all put our foot in our mouths at one point in our lives by making declarations or sharing information that is later proven to be one hundred percent wrong.
Most of us have also seen someone spectacularly shoving their foot right in their mouth.
Leaving us in a somewhat delicate position of whether or not we should set them straight or let them keep talking.
Knowing they would feel embarrassed no matter our decision.
Redditor Miserable_Bag_4746 recently made the acquaintance of someone working in her highly niche field.
Even more surprising to the original poster (OP) was when he began quoting research she was incredibly familiar with.
Research he badly misinterpreted.
While this new friend refused to accept that, the OP was able to prove him wrong, much to his complete humiliation.
Having doubts about how he handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not telling a man that the research he was mansplaining to me was my own?”
The OP explained how a recent conversation with a friend of a friend ended with his leaving with his tail between his legs:
“I (33 F[emale]) work in a very small, technical, specific, male-dominated field.”
“I won’t give too much information on it as I think you could easily find my identity if I did, but let’s just say it’s a subcategory of law.”
“I graduated 9 years ago (for anyone wondering, the system in my country is different than in the US so I only studied for 5 years), and am now a lawyer as well as a researcher.”
“I published some work here and there but nothing too major, and no one outside of that field knows my work.”
“Yesterday I went to a bar with a couple of friends who introduced me to one of their friends who works in the same field as me.”
“I was pretty excited to meet him because it’s rare to meet people who work in that field.”
“He doesn’t exactly do the same thing as I do. He’s not a lawyer but a legal advisor, but we work on the same topics.”
“So naturally we started talking about our work.”
“At one point, we were discussing a point on which we had different opinions, so I explained mine to him, and he replied by saying that my opinion was based on nothing while he was based on the work of a professional (you guessed it, me).”
“He basically started explaining my work to me, but in a completely wrong way, and missed all of my points.”
“I asked him if he was sure that that was what the author meant, and he said that he was because it was ‘pretty simple actually’.”
“For another good 20 minutes, he explained all of it to me in detail, like I was a first-year law student.”
“I didn’t say anything because it was pretty funny to watch him say things that were completely wrong with so much confidence.”
“After that, the topic changed, and the night went on, but at the end of the night, right before leaving, I decided to tell him that I was actually the person who wrote the work he had quoted and that he hadn’t really understood it.”
“He reacted very badly and got angry, and he told me that I had manipulated him to humiliate him.”
“He yelled at me for not saying it was my work at the beginning.”
“I simply replied that he had embarrassed himself and left.”
“I woke up this morning to texts from my friends saying I was wrong for causing drama and tension and that I could’ve been nicer to their friend.”
“I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong there.”
“I mean yes, I could’ve told him right away, but is it that big of a deal that I didn’t?”
“I’m not exactly sure.”
“Both conversations happened only between the two of us.”
“We were the only ones talking about our work and our friends also weren’t really there when I told him that I was the author.”
“So it’s not like I publicly humiliated him.”
“The only thing ’embarrassing’ for him here is that a woman seemed smarter than him, and I think that’s what he had an issue with.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not revealing she was the one who wrote the research being referenced.
Everyone agreed that the OP was exactly right, that this new acquaintance had merely embarrassed himself by completely misinterpreting her research and predicted his reaction had she let the truth be known earlier wouldn’t have been any different.
“NTA and kudos to you for being so calm when he mansplained your own research!”
“Question: Did your friends also reprimand their friend for screaming at you?”
“I mean, that wasn’t exactly friendly either.”- Lauuriaa
“NTA.”
“This is hilarious.”- VerbingNoun413
“This is as good as that man on Twitter who tried to tell Margaret Atwood which religious doctrine the Handmaid’s Tale was a critique of.”
“NTA.”- YarnPenguin
“NTA.”
“He f*cked around, found out.”
“He’s just pissed as a small man that realized he was outclassed and potentially made some massive career errors.”
“Being plain wrong, to start with, and then being enough of a misogynist to behave like that without realizing you were the author.”
“You took the trash out.”
“He probably behaves like this in the office too, so taking him down a peg probably hit too hard.”-According-Addendum65
“NTA.”
“A decent person would just laugh and apologize admitting he really must’ve looked funny to you, and then respectfully ask to explain the points he did not get.”
“No matter how late you revealed the truth, and even if you said that a little bit bitter – any sane, healthily confident person would apologize for misinterpreting your text.”
“He could continue arguing, but how he reacted was not normal.”
“You’re ok.”- Constant-Goat-2463
“NTA.”
“He’s the a**hole.”
“Twice.”
“Maybe three times.”
“Firstly for mansplaining.”
“Second for kicking off.”
‘And possibly third for whining to your friend.”
“You merely listened politely, and gave him enough rope to hang himself.”
“Not your fault he took it.”- Opening-Worker-3075
“NTA.”
“’How dare you let our friend behave like himself in public!”
“‘You were supposed to help him cover up his ignorance!’”
‘Perhaps they are angry and feel foolish because of what their association with him says about them?”- WomanInQuestion
“NTA.”
“The fact that he said your opinion was based on nothing was what did it.”
‘He didn’t inquire about how you came to that conclusion and then quoted your published work.’
“LMAO.”
‘He thought he sounded smart and overestimated his brain power.”
“Instead of humbling himself, he lashed out.’
“Just yuck.”
“‘Stupid is as stupid does’ – F. Gump.”
“My Daddy taught me ‘I don’t talk stupid’.”
“This story gave a very good example of why not to engage those who speak it fluently.”- Mindless_Behavior80
“NTA.”
“I f*cking love it when people do this, it’s hilarious.”
“You also did the right thing not to tell him until later; it would have humiliated him regardless, so it’s better to wait.”- Bold-Belle2
“NTA.”
“As a woman in a male-dominated field as well, it’s exhausting keeping up with these emotional outbursts from men.”
‘It’s tedious because men don’t consider anger an emotional response.”
“That guy made himself look like an idiot & got mad at you for it.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“If it were the other way around, he’d be chucking it up.”- –slurpy–
“NTA.”
“Ask your friend(s) why they were happy to let you be called an idiot and insulted all night while you created a scene with a single comment.”
“You didn’t manipulate this guy unless you started the conversation to show off.”
“He decided to be rude and, as you said, embarrassed himself.”- Timely_Egg_6827
“NTA.”
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them, and somehow it’s the worst thing ever when it happens to them.”- ExpensiveRise5544
“NTA and I think you are a legend for telling him that he had embarrassed himself! “-Secretly_Twisted
“NTA.”
“How dare you not try to stop him from making himself look like a fool?”
“I mean, he really wanted to one-up you.”
“His intentions were not good.”
“You just sat back and let him jump headlong into looking a fool.”- Liss78
“NTA.”
“He was a real jerk.”
‘And your ‘friends’ are not your friends if they failed to see he plagiarized your work, completely misunderstood it, and made a fool out of himself, and you were just being kind and pointing out he got it all wrong.”
“His taking it poorly is all on him.”
“But your friends defending him and taking his side is something I would be wary of.”- healingadept
Some things are arguably up to interpretation. Even so, best not to play that card when speaking to the person who wrote what you’re “interpreting.”
if there was anything this guy was correct about, it’s that he should definitely have felt humiliated.