The fear that your parents prefer your sibling to you is something many people have trouble shaking off, even when they're well into adulthood.
As all it can take is one (possibly inadvertent) gesture or choice of words to kill someone's self-esteem and make them seem inferior to their siblings.
While most of the time, this fear is completely unwarranted. In some sad cases, it can be frighteningly accurate.
Redditor throwrascapegoatt always felt that he was a disappointment in the eyes of his parents, a feeling his strained relationship with his brother didn't help.
As a result, when the original poster (OP)'s brother claimed that he was superior to him in one of his fields of expertise, the OP was more than happy to accept his challenge.
While the OP won this challenge fair and square, almost his entire family took his victory as an affront to his brother and swiftly demanded an apology.
Wondering if he had, in fact, done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For 'humiliating and demasculating' my brother in front of our family?"
The OP shared how what began as a simple, friendly competition with his brother ended up putting him at odds with nearly his entire family.
"My brother and I have a very strained relationship."
"In most of our family's eyes, he is the golden child."
"I'm just the extra kid."
"Growing up, he overshadowed me at every possible event/milestone."
"He was the pride of the family."
"I was just the one that cost more money."
"My brother followed my father's footsteps and joined the military right out of high school."
"He served about eight years before he got out."
"Unfortunately, when I was younger, I was diagnosed with a form of epilepsy."
"Which I was fortunately able to outgrow."
"But it disqualified me from joining as well."
"Anyway, a few years ago, I got into shooting competitions."
"Specifically 3 gun (rifle, shotgun, handgun). I got pretty good at it and am now in the process of being sponsored and going to national competitions."
"None of my family really cares."
"Which is fine."
"But my brother decided that every opportunity he could he would explain to me that there is no way I'm that good, he is wayyyy better than me because he is 'combat trained'."
"After a while of this, I called him out."
"A long argument later, he agreed to do a mock competition in front of the family by his invitation (mom, dad, SIL, and a few others)."
"A buddy of mine who sets up for these comps agreed to set one up for us. 4 stages."
"3 generals... one head to head."
"All done safely and under the supervision of actual professionals."
"Using gun safety and proper management."
"I provided the ammo (sealed), provided the firearms (my personal comp guns with my backups), and even got my friend to be a ref."
"I let him sight them in a practice."
"Gave him equipment as well."
"I'm trying to get rid of all possible excuses."
"I destroyed him."
'By the last one came, we did the head to head, and I cleared my side."
"Then, he cleared half of his side."
"He made excuses, which I would dismiss."
"I gave him multiple opportunities to restart or try again."
"He then said that I was an AH for humiliating and demasculating him.'
"My parents also called me an AH and some other words."
"SIL stayed quiet until we were packing up (me, my friend, SIL, and my gf. The rest were coddling my brother); she thanked me."
"My girlfriend asked if I really had to finish off his side."
"Which I admit was me showing off."
"It got to the point that my mom said I couldn't come over for Mother's Day until I apologized to my brother."
"When I refused, she called me an AH again and said I couldn't come back until I apologized and made it up to him."
"AITA for calling my brother out and then proving that he is not the best at everything like the family believes?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for beating his brother at the shooting range or refusing to apologize.
Everyone agreed that the OP's brother brought this on himself, and if anyone "demasculated" him, it was himself and himself alone, which many felt merely exposed the OP's brother's numerous insecurities, and the last thing the OP should do is apologize.
"NTA."
"He invited the family to embarrass you."
"It backfired. He then spun it as a you issue."
"He is very insecure for some reason."
"He shows needs for praise and admiration."
"That's not your issue."
"Why do you think SIL thanked you?"
"So far seems the only sane one in the family."- Forward_Nothing5979
"NTA, you did 'emasculate and humiliate' him. He did that all by himself."
"Don't waste your breath apologizing to this AH."
"Also, congrats on your shooting."- Imaginary_Building_4
"NTA."
"HELL, YEAH!"
"I think this is your cue to cut contact completely and never look back."
"He humiliated and emasculated himself with all his bragging about how good, make that how much better, he is than you, then failed miserably."
"So his own wife thanked you?"
"Hah!"
"That's very telling."
"Walk away from that mess with your head held high."
"And if anyone asks if you're ever going to apologize, tell them not to hold their breath."- LoveBeach8
"'F**k em if they can't take a joke'"
"If your brother - who I assume is an adult - agreed to such a competition, he should be ready for what happens whether he wins or loses."
"He shouldn't have agreed if he was going to have to question his 'masculinity' depending on how it went."
"NTA."- mits66
"NTA."
"A mature adult, although disappointed, would accept the loss and move on."
"By making such a big deal of it, your brother is making certain that everyone will remember it for longer and that the issue will be a cloud over his head for more time."
"Also, anyone who talks about people 'emasculating' them after a legit loss has serious issues with fragile and toxic masculinity."
"He lost fair and square."
"He needs to adult up and accept it."
"And your parents need to stop enabling him."- bamf1701
"NTA."
"To be honest, I don't know why, but I feel satisfied after reading this someone needs to know their place."- GOATedat17
"NTA."
"And his wife coming to thank you privately speaks volumes about his character."- espressopowder
"NTA."
"Apparently, his whole oversized ego is built on the myth that he's better than you."
"And wow, what a sore loser."- Paevatar
"People often confuse competitive with combat."
"Done both, and they are different."
"Law enforcement is different still."
"You did not say what his MOS is, but eight years by itself means nothing in terms of marksmanship."
"Does he even have a combat patch?"- A_Lost_Desert_Rat
"NTA!"
"Go to the Olympics, and in your Olympic Hero Spotlight say:"
"'I really wish my Family was able to support me, but alas they are the only ones (besides my opponents) to wish I fail'."- HockeyBabble
"NTA."
"Buy him a Target gift card for his birthday."- Full_Prune7491
"NTA."
"He never had a problem when he thought he was demeaning you."
"Unfortunately, while it might have felt good in the moment to prove your skill (and defend yourself), it's not surprising that it doesn't change the fundamental dynamic of the family - he's the golden child, and you're not."
"It's too bad that instead of seeing how skilled you are and how much practice you've dedicated to it, he's 'emasculated' because he's not better than you."
"Which makes me wonder if you're a woman."
"Not that a man couldn't experience the same dynamic…it's just more common with a woman."
"So your brother is an a**hole, and your parents are also a**holes."- Kettlewise
"NTA."
"He talked trash for a long time before you challenged him to put up or shut up."
"And he didn't even acknowledge that you could be good."
"'There's no way!'"
"He set himself up to be humiliated."
"He's the one who owes you an apology."
"Unless your brother was specifically in an infantry role, he probably only went to the shooting range once or twice during his eight years in the military."
"Even if he was in an infantry role and personally saw combat, there are huge differences between combat shooting and competition shooting."
"Weapons, technique, mindset, etc."
"The two don't have a whole lot in common."
"He never should have assumed he could compete against you."- throw05282021
Setting out to demean or humiliate others seldom, if ever, pays off.
This was clearly what the OP's brother was aiming to do when challenging him, never even taking into account that it might backfire.
Perhaps after eating this sizable slice of humble pie, he'll know better than to try to show off purely to bring others down.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.