Even in this progressive, modern age, far too many men continue to have antiquated views regarding women.
Some men still expect their wives and girlfriends, even wives to be dainty, beautiful creatures they can show off to their male friends and colleagues.
As a result, these men make no secrets of their expectations of how women should appear while in public.
Redditor storiesfrommypast found herself constantly frustrated by her ex-boyfriend, when he constantly berated her to add a specific color to her clothes and makeup, which she absolutely detested.
Looking back on how she handled his behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to incorporate a color I dislike into my life?”
The OP first disclosed that all her life, she has carried a notable aversion to a certain color.
“Ever since I (F[emale], 29) was a child, I’ve always had a negative feeling towards pink.”
“I grew up associating pink to being girly and I am not a girly girl.”
“As a result, I refused to buy or wear anything pink in it to this day.”
“This is something that’s made known to all my close family and friends.”
Her hatred of pink would later prove to be a problem when she entered. a new relationship.
“A few years ago, I met and started dating my (now ex) bf, Luke (M[ale] 28).”
“I need to mention that Luke once said that he likes to see his girlfriend (GF) in pink.”
“Naturally, he got upset over the fact that I don’t (and probably won’t) own anything pink.”
But Luke wouldn’t take no for an answer, and never stopped expressing his desire for the OP to add pink to her clothes or makeup in some capacity, leading to an inevitable confrontation.
“Over the next few months, Luke kept trying to persuade me to buying more pink items like clothes, makeup, accessories and electronic gadgets.”
“He even tried to convince me to spray my car pink!”
“I brushed him aside and told him over and over that I do not like the color, and that it does not suit my personality.”
“One day we were in Sephora and he saw this bright fuchsia lipstick and insisted that I buy it.”
“Yes, you read that correctly, he was asking me to buy something in a color I don’t like for myself, and asked that I do it for him to make him happy.”
“I told him off and asked him to stop pushing me to wasting money on things I won’t use.”
“And then he snapped at me, saying it was just a small thing he’s asking for and that I’m selfish for not wanting to give in to him.”
“Note: At this point, I’ve purchased a couple of pink clothings to wear on my dates with him for the sake of ‘making him happy’.”
“I got fed up with his behavior and walked out of the store, and he ended up not talking to me for the rest of the night.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole by refusing to wear pink.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s ex-boyfriend had terribly antiquated views of women and his behavior was unsettling and controlling, feeling it was a good thing that she was no longer in this relationship.
“NTA.”
“I hate when guys say stuff like ‘I prefer my gfs to do/wear this’ and then get pushy when their current GF won’t.”
“Firstly, women aren’t possessions, that means they have a choice to ignore what he wants.”
“Secondly, pushing that on someone who doesn’t want it is controlling and gross.”-UnluckyDreamer1.
“Nope, this is not natural.”
“This is weird and controlling.”
“Having such strong preferences over what color your partner likes is weird.”
“Getting upset that they don’t own anything in that color is not normal.”
“Actually pushing them to buy things in that color is outright controlling.”
“It’s not even that he thinks that color suits you or something, it’s that he even wants you to own various items in that color??”
“It’s not a small thing.”
“He’s trying to turn you into some fetishized image in his head of what a woman should be, instead of valuing you for who you are.”
“NTA, obviously.”-KellyfromtheFuture.
“NTA.”
“I don’t like yellow so I don’t wear yellow.”
“My bf doesn’t request me to wear yellow.”
“Luke is weird for pushing you to war Pink often.”- bdiddyjones.
“NTA.”
“Common abuser tactic is to pester over an insignificant thing their partner resists.”
“Once they win that battle, they move on to the next, and eventually get bigger with demands.”-Maine04330.
“That’s a super weird obsession and you should be suspicious.”
“NTA.”-Minoxidil.
“NTA.”
“Buy him a doll he can dress that in pink.”- hideme21.
“NTA.”
“Also, his obsession with his girlfriend wearing/owning pink actually comes across as controlling rather than just liking a color.”
“Also, calling you selfish wasn’t cool of him since you’d already purchased some pink items.”
“I don’t think he would’ve been happy until you fully gave in and just bought everything he wanted.”-Heresmyusername27.
“NTA: If you don’t like a color your don’t like a color, don’t wear it if you don’t like it.”
“Carful OP, this can be a slippery slope.”-GlassturtleOG.
“Definitely NTA.”
“My reply would’ve been ‘if you want to buy me something that’s pink by all means go ahead, but I’m not buying it for myself’.”
“The fact that he wanted you to fund something that was for him (and the fact that you actually even did with the pink outfits…girl…) is just another layer of awful.”
“But really, don’t do something that doesn’t bring you joy for someone that is selfish.”-erraticjudgment.
“NTA I doubt he has an obsession with the color; it probably wasn’t about the color at all.”
“He just found a thing you hated and was getting off on trying to break you down.”
“It could have been anything.”
“It almost feels like it was a game to him to see if he could get you to buckle to his will.”-BreakfastF00ds.
“NTA: this guy seems way to demanding if you are just dating.”
“You wont have your own life with this one.”- Acoz_.
“NTA.”
“That’s just an absurd demand.”
“It’s one thing to compliment you and encourage you to wear things they like to see you in, but once you say no, I don’t like that…that should be the end of it.”- KaliTheBlaze.
“NTA.”
“It sound like you two were on the polar opposite sides of the pink stick, one loves it, one hates it.”
“The clothes and lipstick were one thing (also not cool) … but YOUR CAR??”
“That’s a whole lotta pink to be stuck with!”- Rohini_rambles.
“NTA.”
“It’s not a small thing to ask someone to own and wear things that are a color you know they hate.”
“It’s a small thing to ask that your partner accepts you won’t buy pink things.”
“It’s also not selfish to refuse to own things that are a color you hate.”
“It IS selfish to keep demanding that someone owns and wears pink things when you know they hate it.”- fading__blue.
“NTA – I don’t see any problem with not wanting to wear pink, own pink items etc.”
“You should do what makes you happy at the end of the day.”
“His happiness should not depend on you satisfying what’s appealing to his eye – you should always put yourself and your feelings first.”
“I don’t think he’s respecting your boundaries, which can be an issue further down the line.”-frehlani.
“Of course you’re NTA.”
“Is it common for someone to insist on a specific color for someone to wear/be associated with?”
“I mean, I get being partial to a certain color, but insisting that your partner does the same seems weird AF to me.”-Nashgrl67.
Many Redditors felt that the OP should have given Luke a taste of his own medicine, and see how he liked being commanded to wear a certain color.
“NTA, as a woman who also hates the color pink.”
“This is so weird to me.”
“Does he like the color pink?”
“If so, he can wear it himself.”
“If he just likes to see his GF in pink, why?”
“Because he associates pink with feminine?”
“Going as far as trying to get you buy all pink gadgets and paint your car this color seems controlling and a little obsessive.”– stubborn_panda26.
“NTA.”
“He should wear pink if he likes it so much!”
“Ask him to wear pink for you and see him backpedal hard.”-otterly_overwhelmed.
“NTA! “
“Any partner who gets upset about what you wear on your own body is expecting way too much control over you.”
“If he loves pink so much he can wear it himself.”-rei_toei_.
“NTA he can wear the pink f*cking lipstick if he likes it so much.”- Flat_Lengthiness_319.
It does indeed seem like Luke viewed the OP as a possession more than a partner.
Here’s hoping the OP finds a new boyfriend who shows her more respect, and ideally shares her hatred of the color pink.