Society as a whole has become more and more dependent on technology.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it's pretty convenient to make calls, check emails, surf the web, and order important deliveries from your phone.
The downside, of course, is that we often find ourselves staring at screens for the majority of our days, making it necessary to find some time put aside which we can dedicate to being phone and screen-free.
Redditor Remarkable-Use-8439 and a close friend of his dedicated one weekend a year to putting their phones away, and instead dedicating their time to exploring the city and engaging in conversation.
An annual trip the original poster (OP)'s wife had her reservations about.
Her fears proved to be somewhat well-founded after she called her husband with a genuine emergency, but he missed her call, having it shut off completely.
Wondering if he had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for missing an actual emergency because I turned off my phone to avoid my wife's unnecessary contact attempts during my tech-free weekend?"
The OP explained why he didn't feel much guilt over missing his wife's call, even though it proved to be rather serious.
"My best friend (31 M[ale]) and I (27 M[ale]) have a tradition of taking a yearly weekend trip together that's phone-free."
"We've been doing this for a decade now."
"These weekend trips consist of us staying in a suite and exploring the city, not traversing the wilderness, so it's not like we're completely disconnected."
"Still, we liked to keep one on hand for navigation and emergency purposes, and it would usually be Friend's phone that we brought along."
"Friend and I left for our trip this year two Fridays ago to make use of the long weekend."
"This was the first time I've gone one on of these trips since my wife and I moved in together, got engaged, or got married."
"However, we were dating for the last two years worth of trips (2021 and 2022), and she seemed fine during that time."
"I would just tell her I was going to be busy for the weekend and she'd leave me alone."
"I understand that there are different expectations once you get married, but I didn't expect the 180 in behavior."
"My wife all but demanded I take my phone as well in case she needed to get ahold of me despite her having Friend's number."
"I let her know I had arrived and immediately after that she was texting me and asking me how things were."
"Then again, asking me another question when I didn't respond to the first one."
"I eventually muted our text conversation because I was sick of the phone buzzing."
"She called me a few hours later and asked why I wasn't responding to her texts."
"I reiterated that this was supposed to be a no-phone weekend and kept the call short despite her trying to drag out the conversation."
"She called me once more after this."
"When I answered and found out it wasn't an emergency, I simply turned off my phone."
"The calls then started coming in for my friend, and he followed suit."
"We spent the rest of the weekend with our phones off until the drive back on Monday."
"I called my wife and informed her when we were about 30 minutes away from my place, and she was furious."
"She said that there ended up being an emergency (her sister got into a car accident that won't affect her long-term, but still resulted in broken bones) and that I had just ignored her the entire time when she 'needed me.'"
"I told her that I was very sorry to hear about her sister, but it wasn't my fault she had essentially forced my hand into cutting off means of communication."
"She went to stay with a friend before I arrived home that night and has since come home, but she's still fuming."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community initially agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for ignoring his wife's call, their opinion changed after the OP disclosed more information in the comments section:
"He and I lived together from the time I was 18 until I was 24."
"Some people might not think it was purely platonic, but I wouldn't say anything explicitly sexual happened."
"We shared a bed when we lived together, and because of the close quarters we lived in, we shared a routine."
"A lot of the little traditions we have with people, even something as simple as setting aside a specific time every week to watch a show with them you don't watch with anyone else or dinner-making rituals you might have, bond us together more deeply than we might anticipate."
"Intentionally making space for someone in your life is impactful."
Upon learning this information, the Reddit community all but unanimously agreed that the OP was indeed the a**hole.
Just about everyone felt that these trips that the OP was taking were not fair to his wife, with many feeling that the OP was being unfaithful, feeling that his friendship was clearly an intimate one, even if some felt that his wife's behavior was uncalled for as well.
"ESH."
"I have the odd feeling that she almost wanted there to be an actual emergency so she could feel justified in bothering, and might have created one if it didn't occur naturally."
"She desperately doesn't want you away from her."
"You'll need to have a serious conversation about that."- ParsimoniousSalad
"AITA for continuing to cheat on my wife with the guy who groomed me when I was underage?"-DoASlowFloat
"My guy."
"You buried the lead on this for FOUR HOURS."
"You shared an apartment AND A BED with your male 'friend' for FIVE years."
"Coincidentally that year began immediately after the first of these annual trips."
"I'm assuming this is real but the Brokeback analogies are strong, and the coyness raises my spidey sense."
"If this had been a platonic relationship / roommate thing you would have had bunks a la stepbrothers (leaving the garage available for karate) or one of you would have converted the living room into a makeshift bedroom."
"An 18 and 22-year-old dude pair would want space to bring home a partner, even a hook-up unless their partner was at home."
"This was an unquestionably intimate (albeit not necessarily sexual) relationship that you've maintained in some form or fashion for a decade."
"To top it off, you take a special vacation every year."
"Whether you admit it or not, I'm sure you show a not-so-subtle preference for your 'friend' in a thousand ways, including your willingness to take phone calls at inappropriate times and your insistence on taking a 'phone free' getaway."
"You claim your wife wouldn't want these things, but it's unlikely you ever asked."
"You implied that you went from casual dating to married and living together in the space between the 2022 trip and the 2023 trip."
"That's a lot of relationship steps in 365 days."
"I can only imagine that there was an ultimatum of sorts from either your wife or parents - or some other threat that your world would be upended."
"Be honest with yourself and your wife."
"Even if you don't love your friend in a romantic way, you don't value your marriage."
"Unless it isn't abundantly clear - YTA."- ParisThroughWindows
"I'm gonna have to go with YTA.
"She's definitely in the wrong for blowing up your phone, and it's just a weekend."
"If she was okay with it in the past, seems kind of odd she would be so upset over it."
"But why does your trip need to be phone-free?"
"Not judging but there's no real reason in the post to justify."
"If you carry a phone for emergencies and navigation, it's not phone-free anyway, you're just not using your phone constantly, which I would assume is a given for most people when they're traveling."
"You shouldn't be expected to drop everything and inconvenience your friend and the trip, but I don't understand what harm comes from being available?"
"Like you even mentioned in the post, it's not a wilderness retreat, you're in a city."
"I wouldn't be okay with not being able to reach my husband for a whole weekend either if he was just out at bars, etc with friends."- Little_Entrepreneur
"I was all ready to say NTA until I read the comments where you and your friend were much more 'involved' with one another than in a regular friendship or roommate situation."
"OF COURSE your WIFE is feeling insecure about this."
"Are you saying if she decided that she and an ex were 'platonic' now and she wanted to go off galavanting with them for a weekend without contacting you that you'd be cool with it?"
"Either your answer is yes, or you're a total hypocrite here."
"You're off on a weekend getaway with an old flame that you have had not platonic but 'not explicitly sexual' relations with, shutting off your phone so your wife can't contact you."
"Hell, I'm surprised she married you when you went on these prior trips, hopefully she'll be smart enough that she won't be married to you before your next one."
"YTA for your very obvious affair at this point."- cryssylee90
It's hard not to agree with the majority of the Reddit community that the OP's wife is likely upset for reasons beyond her call not being answered.
It seems she is feeling like her husband might prioritize his friend over her and has many questions about the nature of their relationship.
Questions the Reddit community likely has themselves...
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.