Parenting and safe childcare practices are constantly changing as much studies are completed, and doctors and researchers discover better ways to care for our children.
The difference between a good guardian and a bad, or even dangerous, one is being willing to follow the research rather than their own pride, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Overall_Today_3592 was not a fan of how her mother-in-law parented her children when they were growing up, but she was especially concerned that her mother-in-law refused to update her parenting style at all when her grandchild was born.
But when she discovered that her mother-in-law was even disrespecting what she fed her baby, the Original Poster (OP) banned her from seeing her grandchild until further notice.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not letting my mother-in-law (MIL) see my baby again until I put cameras up in my home?”
The OP and her mother-in-law (MIL) did not see eye-to-eye in their parenting styles.
“I (25 Female) had a baby boy with my (27 Male) husband four months ago.”
“His mom, my mother-in-law (MIL), has some old-school, backwards thinking that I do not agree with. I’m also a pediatric nurse.”
“She spanked her kids, let them ‘cry it out’ when they were babies, etc. She tries to impose those thoughts on me, and I tell her I do not like that way of thinking and will not be doing that with my child or future children.”
“One thing she did was put cereal in her kids’ bottles. She said it to me about three weeks ago, and I told her NO because that would increase the chance of gagging or inhaling that liquid into his lungs.”
“I told her that I would not be doing it, my husband said he would not be doing it, and I told her she would not be doing it.”
But the OP’s MIL did not respect her boundaries.
“I caught her on Saturday feeding him his bottle with fruit loops mixed in when I came downstairs from taking a nap.”
“Before anyone makes this assumption, no, she wasn’t using rice cereal. I know the difference between a cereal intended for babies, and I STILL TOLD HER NO to mixing ANYTHING in my baby’s bottle.”
“You’d imagine my shock and horror when she had sugary rainbow cereal crushed in my baby’s bottle. She said she used Cheerios when her children were younger, but I didn’t have any in the house, so she used Fruit Loops.”
“I completely lost it and told her to get out of my house. She told me I couldn’t do that because this was her son’s house too, and I told her I would just call the police because she was refusing to leave.”
The OP’s husband did not make the situation much better.
“She left but stayed in her car across the street until my husband came home from work. She tried crying and acting like I was the bad person.”
“He told her that he asked her to stop when he caught her last week.”
“I got p**sed because he didn’t tell me that. I was furious with both of them at that point.”
“I told her she would never be allowed to watch him or any children I have in the future again and she has completely lost my trust. She’s never allowed in our home again.”
“My husband has tried to smooth things over and I’m not having it. I told him the only way she’d be allowed back in our home was when I put cameras up and she could not go out of my sight with my baby again.”
The family then tried to meddle in the situation, too.
“She blew up at me in the group chat that we had with her, myself, my mother, my father, my husband’s two sisters, and my sister.”
“She called me controlling, a helicopter parent, a bad parent, etc.”
“My family was not happy about the way she talked to me and told her she needed to back off.”
“His side of the family was more so on her side and said I was overreacting a bit because the baby is okay. One of his sisters did say she crossed a line and she’s done that with her kid when she popped her daughter in the mouth and that’s why she’s not allowed to be with her daughter by herself.”
“I don’t think I’m wrong.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned by the damages the mother-in-law (MIL) could cause.
“OP’s monster-in-law suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect. They refuse to consider or educate themselves or update old information. Stupid people don’t know they’re stupid.” – NatureCarolynGate
“She is the grandma giving the teething baby a shot of whiskey. Put original Coca Cola in her children’s bottles. Puts a bunch of pillows and blankets in a crib. Gives them toys with small pieces. Doesn’t put them in a car seat.” – Hippie_Gamer_Weirdo
“I had to go back and reread. The powdered rice cereal made for babies is one thing (I’m not saying I agree with it, just that I am aware that some people still do this). But f**king FRUIT LOOPS?!?!”
“What the actual f**k. Let’s just load this FOUR-MONTH-OLD INFANT up with sugar and food dye with zero nutritional value. Just when I think I’ve seen it all…” – Brokenforthelasttime
“I am 63 and I know better than to add cereal to their bottles or for that matter to give them fruit loops, your MIL is controlling and could cause potential harm even fatal.”
“She needs to be removed from all access to your home and kept away from your child(ren) she is seriously mental.” – Glittering_Code_4311
“NTA.”
“This woman is trying to play the victim when she’s an unashamed child abuser?! She spanked her kids, let babies cry it out instead of checking on them, and has put choking hazards in her own babies, and now your baby’s, bottle, and won’t stop even when told to stop repeatedly?”
“Your SIL said this woman ‘popped her daughter in the mouth’ and lost the privilege to see her. Dear god, that is NEVER okay!”
“She’s calling you a helicopter mom because she can’t see how crucial it is to protect babies from her.” – Secret_Sister_Sarah
Others agreed and urged the husband to step up and support the OP.
“NTA, your husband needs to step up and establish the boundary, though. Don’t let that woman in your house without cameras, and all visits should be supervised by you until she has earned your trust back.”
“She needs to understand that she doesn’t get to choose how to parent your child, and needs to respect your rules if she wants to be in your child’s life.” – Beneficial_Good2119
“Your MIL is a nightmare and an AH. BUT your husband is also a HUGE AH here. SHE DID IT ALREADY? And he DIDN’T TELL YOU? And he allowed her to continue to interact with your child unsupervised?”
“So. He lied by omission to protect his dangerous mother and enabled her to potentially harm your child. Yikes.”
“You are underreacting. NTA but stand up for your baby.” – WhizzoButterboy
“She has a husband problem. He knew what she did. Did not say. Did not have her back to his mother or the family. This will not go well.” – LCJ75
“What happens when this is the life-threatening allergen she swears your kid ‘grew out of’?”
“And hubs didn’t tell you that MIL just bought some at the grocery store while you’re on a family vacation?”
“OP, you have a husband problem. He agrees with you with his words but his actions care for his mom’s feelings more than your child’s well-being.” – whatchabuilding
“Gather some reputable sources, and send these links to the group chat (all reputable medical sources), and tell everyone what she did, that she went behind your back twice endangering your child as a result of her actions, and that when MIL decides to leave the 1950s behind and come into the 21st century, you might consider letting her around your child again.”
“Then ask them what makes them think you should be putting your child’s safety at risk to appease old-fashioned parenting techniques that have been proven wrong in the last 50 to 70 years. NTA.” – theworldisonfire8377
Some argued that the security cameras wouldn’t be enough for them to trust the MIL.
“Cameras won’t save a baby in crisis or being hit. They can’t stop the bad thing from happening to baby, they can only give you proof that it happened.” – notthedefaultname
“Honestly, she wouldn’t be left alone with my kids until they were old enough to reliably tell me what happened while in grandma’s care.” – Trishlovesdolphins
“NTA. I was mad at Fruit Loops. I’m infuriated at popping another kid in the mouth.”
“Ohhhhh h**llllllll no. MIL would be lucky to even know my kid’s name if she hit my niece or nephew in the face. Unreal anyone would defend her.” – Jen0507
“Cameras aren’t going to stop her. Keep her away from your baby.”
“And your husband is an AH for hiding her prior act from you. He knew it was a problem and did not want to tell you. He is prioritizing her comfort over your baby’s safety and your marriage.” – Bis_K
“NTA, and I don’t think having cameras will even begin to solve the problem with her. You should not leave her alone with your child ever. Ever. She’s not going to change.”
“She popped your SIL’s kid on the mouth? Yeah. No. Banned.” – ActuaryMeans6433
The subReddit was disturbed by what the mother-in-law had already done and what the OP’s husband had allowed behind her back, not to mention what would likely happen if she was allowed back in the house.
Security cameras would only gather evidence; they wouldn’t stop the mother-in-law from doing anything and prevent any damage being done.