Weddings are expensive for everyone involved. Some expect bridal parties to pay for expensive parties, trips and gifts.
But it is not realistic to go into debt or spend your savings on someone else’s celebration.
Redditor Bbbbananaaa encountered this very issue with her friends. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to book Airbnb without everyone’s share?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m the maid of honor for my friend’s wedding so the other bridesmaids and I’ve been trying to organize the bachelorette party which consists of a weekend getaway trip at a nearby town as requested by the bride.”
“We created a group chat with everyone invited with the details and cost of the accommodation and asked whether it was suitable for everybody.”
“Despite not everybody having RSVP’d yet, I feel pressured from the other bridesmaids to book.”
“One of the girls mentioned not being paid until next week and not having any money to spare till then. Another mentioned getting paid in 2 weeks.”
“It’s understandable but I’m not very close to these girls at all and don’t feel comfortable at the thought of having to chase people up for their money.”
OP tried talking to the other bridesmaids.
“I made it clear that I’d like everybody’s share upfront before booking and that I am open to waiting next week but advised that that carries a risk of losing the reservation by then.”
“I feel pressure from the other bridesmaids to just book regardless of some people not having money and some not even having RSVP’d yet.”
“It’s ironic because one of the keen bridesmaids is the girl waiting to get paid next week’s sister in law so I kind of find it ridiculous how she’s not willing to cover her SIL’s cost but I’m expected to.”
“So, reddit, AITA for wanting everybody to RSVP and send me their portion before booking accommodation?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA and if it becomes a bigger issue, suggest someone else make the booking and put their own money on the line.” ~ mypreciousssssssss
“This. NTA. Every time someone complains, send them the link to make the reservation under their name, with their credit card.” ~ Maximum-Company2719
“NTA. I agree you don’t need to book without having the money, these things can get very messy – but would you really be spotting people? Airbnb doesn’t usually make you pay everything upfront and check the cancelation policy for it. It may not be as high risk as it seems.” ~ denofdames
“Okay I know this post is old at this point but I had to chime in – I’ve had to pay either 50% (with no cancellation) or 100% at every Airbnb. In fact, my bff’s bachelorette party had this exact same issue – girls wanted to come but didn’t ‘have the money’ right then so another bridesmaid and I sent a third of the total cost to the brides sister (she had the biggest credit limit lol). We were chasing down money for weeks, it’s a massive pain in the ass and I’ll never do that again.” ~ lennypartach
“NTA. Absolutely do not book anything without all the money.”
“In a situation like this I would go for a white lie of, ‘I don’t have the money physically in my account because I haven’t been payed yet either. I only have enough for my share.'”
“Then the pushy people can put the money where their mouth is and transfer you the other people’s share as a loan to them or be quiet about it.” ~ Summerfields220
“NTA. Offer to let them do it.”
“’I can see that it’s very important to you that we book immediately. Since you’re comfortable booking without everyone paying up front, I’m happy to send you the money I’ve collected so far and let you book it on your card and collect the rest of the money. Do you take Venmo or PayPal?’” ~ ScubaCC
OP shouldn’t have to front all the money.
“NTA. I was my sister’s maid of honor and this ended up happening to me. All total I spent about $1,500 out of pocket for wedding related expenses and ended up needing counseling afterwards, with all the drama that occurred.”
“Everyone wants the bachelorette party to be this care-free fun event. In reality you literally have to grab some of these girls by the scruff of their shirts and shake the money out of them (metaphorically speaking).”
“Just let them know point blank, that whoever has paid by this date is going, the rest will not be. Too bad, so sad.”
“You will book the suite based on occupancy, which means if people don’t pay up you’ll be getting a smaller room. If anyone complains, just tell them you aren’t obligated to support them financially and they can borrow the money from someone else if they really can’t afford it.”
“It’s not your responsibility as MOH to cover these expenses, and if the bride complains, you can tell her that. If she’s looking for a piggy bank, she should have asked someone else to be MOH.”
“And if any of the bridesmaids complains, tell them if they want to pay for the other bridesmaid, they can, but you won’t be.” ~ Excellent-Jello7894
“NTA. You’re doing the right thing.”
“It’s unfair for you to burden the cost and pressure of chasing people for money that you don’t know that well.”
“The people who are pressuring you to book it, should cover the costs upfront if they don’t want to lose out and let it be on them to chase the money.” ~ IHaveSaidMyPiece
“NTA, I suspect it’s a rather large amount of money you’d have to fork up without a guarantee of return and you don’t really know all these people. NTA.” ~ AcceptableHome3
“Does the bride know what’s going on? I’d fill her in now, because there is a distinct possibility that if you don’t get everyones deposit, it’s not going to happen. You should not be on the hook for this event. NTA.” ~ CaliforniaJade
OP needs to let them know point blank the deadlines.