Répondez s’il vous plaît… or RSVP, if you will: the tiny yet powerful acronym that is both annoying and necessary.
It’s the command under a classy guise that gives planners information to not only budget and prepare, but to also ensure there are no surprises.
Of course, the RSVP only applies to the event itself… or so we believe.
A woman on Reddit is confused after she was called out for bringing her boyfriend to stay with her at a hotel while she attended an out-of-town wedding, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor No_Ganache_2548 asked:
“AITA for bringing an uninvited guest to a destination wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26/F[emale]) was invited to a wedding within my state but far enough that to attend I’d have to sleep over at a hotel for at least two nights if I arrived the night before as it was planned to be a pretty much all-day affair.”
“I was very flattered to be invited as I didn’t think I was that close to the couple.”
“It was a fairly small wedding (~60 guests including the bridal party).”
“Obviously as it was very small and I was possibly a second round invitee I didn’t get a plus one.”
“Fine with me.”
“I ultimately decided to go.”
“When I went to book the hotel room for my stay I found they only had large rooms available (multiple beds or king beds etc) as it’s a popular wedding destination and is a bit fancy.”
“So, I thought, why not invite my boyfriend (26/M[ale])?”
“That way we could trade off on the long drive there and back and share the big room I would have to pay for anyways.”
“The idea was that night we arrived we could get dinner together somewhere new and have a nice breakfast before heading back home.”
“While I was at the wedding events he could just hang out in the hotel room or the pool or whatever.”
“The wedding went great, but then after it wrapped up, the maid of honor (who I’m closer to than the bride) was chatting with me as I walked back to my room and I knocked on the door instead of digging through my bag for the keycard.”
“When my boyfriend opened the door for me the MoH just greeted him and walked off.”
“I didn’t think it was a big deal or anything.”
“A few days later the MoH reached out and said it was awkward and uncomfortable for me to have invited him to the hotel and it made ‘everyone’ feel bad and weird that he was there waiting for the wedding to end when they hadn’t invited him.”
“We were both a bit surprised!”
“No one even knew he was there because it didn’t come up at all during the wedding.”
“It definitely wasn’t a secret, and honestly, we wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal if people did know.”
“AND he had only met the bride and groom like six times and had zero issues with not being invited to such an intimate wedding.”
“Also if it matters I was far from the only guest who didn’t get a plus one and I never asked to be given a plus one for him.”
“I have no clue if the MoH told the bride and if the bride also thinks this was inappropriate.”
“If she hasn’t I really don’t want to contact her during her honeymoon to start drama.”
“I didn’t check or anything beforehand (that’s my bad, I guess) so was inviting him really a big deal?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA.”
“Let’s see. You didn’t…”
“… insist on getting a plus one.”
“… throw a fit when you didn’t get a plus one.”
“… tell everyone how unfair it was that you didn’t get a plus one.”
“… tell anyone that your boyfriend was even there.”
“… complain about the fact that your boyfriend was sitting back in the room alone.”
“… sneak your boyfriend into the reception or sneak him some food or booze.”
“… leave the festivities early to get back to your boyfriend.”
“So basically the MoH was complaining that your boyfriend existed in the same space as you? Pfft.” – EndielXenon
“NTA”
“This is really strange.”
“It looks like folks are trying to create a problem when one doesn’t exist.”
“Both you and your BF were happy to make the trip and for him not to intrude on the wedding.”
“The whole incident just doesn’t make sense.” – ArtShapiro
“NTA”
“Your boyfriends a grown man who chose to go knowing full well he’d be spending the some alone time at the hotel and having his own mini vacation while you were at the wedding.”
“There’s no reason to feel bad on his behalf.”
“I could maybe see it being awkward if the MoH wanted to or assumed she would hang out with after the wedding; after all she did walk with you to your room so maybe she was anticipating being invited in?”
“Maybe if they saw him around the hotel and felt compelled to make small talk or purposefully avoid him?”
“But either way, who cares?”
“So there was a few minuets of awkwardness. That happens in life sometimes.”
“I absolutely wouldn’t bring it up to anyone else, honeymoon or not, unless they bring it up first.”
“Nothing can be changed about it, so I’d say just move on.” – SupermarketNeat4033
“NTA You invited your boyfriend to accompany to a destination wedding.”
“You did not bring him to any of the wedding festivities.”
“The maid of honor and anyone else who tells you you can’t invite someone to accompany you somewhere on your dime can get stuffed.”
“It’s none of their business.” – Peony-Pony
“‘it made ‘everyone’ feel bad and weird that he was there waiting for the wedding to end when they hadn’t invited him.'”
“—That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Destination weddings…”
“We just can’t win. NTA” – Scenarioing
“The MOH is a busybody who needs to get a life. NTA” – FasterThanNewts
“NTA. The only person making it awkward and uncomfortable is the MoH.”
“If I had to drive hours and spend the night to attend an acquaintance’s wedding with no +1, hell ya I’m inviting my boyfriend to keep me company on the drive and hotel stay.”
“The heck?! It’s safer” – buffythebudslayer
“NTA”
“Why can’t someone stay with you for the hours that you are not at the wedding.”
“If things were awkword, the MOH is the AH.”
“Why should she care and why should she tell everyone.”
“I was once invited to a destination wedding without a plus one to another country.”
“Everyone else I knew going to the wedding was getting married or in the wedding party.”
“I ended up not going because it was too expensive but if I did go I was going to make a vacation of it and bring some one with me to explore but they would not have attended the wedding.”
“You were not hurting anyone and had some fun yourself.” – hikergirl26
“NTA. You did nothing wrong.”
“Maybe MOH felt bad for some reason and put that (inappropriately) on you?”
“but sharing the drive and hotel and spending the wedding events apart seems reasonable, normal, adult …” – Tiny_Shelter440
“NTA. You paid for the hotel room, and your boyfriend was more than capable of keeping himself occupied while you weren’t there.”
“Both of you are being the adults here.”
“The only reason this is an issue is because he answered the door and the MOH chose to make it one.” – DidHeJustGoThere
“NTA.”
“If the bride is beefing over this, I feel bad for her new husband.” – Rare_Buy_3132
“NTA”
“‘A few days later the MoH reached out and said it was awkward and uncomfortable for me to have invited him to the hotel and it made ‘everyone’ feel bad and weird that he was there waiting for the wedding to end when they hadn’t invited him'”
“Sounds like MOH spent a few days badmouthing you.”
“She also probably was getting a bunch of placating responses and the ‘everyone’ were shaking their head wondering wtf is wrong with the MOH after.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“You paid for the room and how it was used has nothing to do with the wedding.”
“Ask MOH why she stirred crap up.”
“Point out there wasn’t any crap until she introduced it.” – WerewolfCalm5178
“NTA.”
“The MoH is acting like a 15 year old.”
“I’d not waste another minute thinking about it.”
“If anyone brings it up in future in a negative way, they’re really not worth bothering with in your life.” – perusalandtea
“NTA.”
“MOH is a busybody who is manufacturing a problem where none exists.”
“Imagine being so foolish as to think about this for days, then decide to MAKE UP a story about people – who had no idea what was going on – being offended by your innocuous behaviour.” – CandylandCanada
It sounds like OP has no reason to feel like she was in the wrong, at least according to her fellow Redditors.
The MOH, on the other hand as they pointed out, may have just been looking for drama.