Any adult who has started a family with a partner can agree that there will be times that the parents will not agree about something, whether it involves their parenting style or some other important matter.
But everyone should be able to agree that the children should not be placed in the middle of the disagreement for someone to try to prove a point, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
While visiting her parents, Redditor Weird_Theme_2795 made it clear to her husband that she did not agree with him letting his homeless brother stay in their home while he attempted to get back on his feet.
When she returned home and realized what had happened as a result of her husband not listening to her, the Original Poster (OP) decided to go back to her parents’ house and allow her husband to deal with the consequences of his own actions… alone.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for turning around and going back to my parents’ house with my baby when I got home after I realized my husband let his homeless brother move in and everyone had lice because of it?”
The OP and her husband had a difference of opinion while she was visiting her parents.
“I recently went to see my parents with my newborn. It was just for the long weekend so my husband stayed home with our three older children, ages seven, five, and three.”
“My husband called me when I was out of town to let me know his brother needed a place to crash.”
“I said that he should give him a ride to a shelter or something because it was a bad idea to let his brother into our home. He has stolen from us before.”
“My husband ended up letting him stay there for five days.”
When she saw the state of her home, the returning OP immediately left again.
“When I got home, there were five very itchy people in the house. They had a bad case of lice.”
“I immediately got back in my car and went to my parents’ house.”
“My husband was calling me the whole time because he needed help dealing with the lice.”
“I didn’t call him back until the baby was settled back in at my folk’s place.”
“I told him the pharmacy had the shampoo and comb for lice.”
“He said he needed me to come home and take care of it.”
The OP didn’t want to deal with lice ever again.
“I noped right out of that. I said that he let his brother in our home against my wishes. His brother gave them all lice.”
“I also reminded him that when our oldest got lice from kindergarten, he didn’t help me at all.”
“I hate lice. They freak me out. I dealt with it because I had to.”
“This time, it’s on him. He said that he would have to use up his sick days to take care of this.”
“I said tough s**t.”
The OP’s husband was angry with her for not helping him through the situation.
“He did it. He took his brother to a shelter, he deloused himself and the kids, and then he spent three days cleaning all the bedding and the furniture.”
“He called me every day, begging for help.”
“I did not come home until his mother stopped by the house and confirmed that everything was done.”
“He is p**sed that I stuck him with all that by himself.”
“I know I should have helped, but it was too much. I’m still not back to being one hundred percent after having my baby; plus there’s the health of my baby to consider. It was just too much.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some understood the husband’s frustrations and felt the OP should have helped her family.
“YTA. His brother is your family. When my kids were younger, we had multiple bouts of lice from school. Yes, it’s gross, but it’s not life-threatening. Families used took care of one another, not just drop each other off at a shelter! Not all societies have homeless people.” – redshan01
“Oh, yeah, awesome, now he has to work even when he’s sick next time when you could’ve helped him.”
“Great wife. What an awesome, spiteful hill to die on.”
“Technically, you are in the right, but you’re just an a**hole. YTA.” – kungkamel
“NTA mostly and a bit of YTA.”
“It’s good to see his actions have consequences and to deal with them. That’s NTA.”
“The problem, however, and where the YTA comes in, is not letting his brother stay. With that, I agree and you should, too. If you had a homeless sister, she should also be helped.”
“But he should have been cleaned in the garage or something before. That was the mistake. And maybe you could’ve suggested or helped with that, instead of refusing to welcome him. This was TA from your part.” – Few_Ebb9489
“YTA. Never never never would I leave my children with lice and not help them deal with it. I absolutely would expect their father to do the majority of the work and give him h**l. I just could not leave my kids like that, even if it was their dad’s fault.”
“I know you are disgusted by it. Your children probably are disgusted by it, too, but they were helpless in that situation. NTA for trying to make your husband pay for the consequences of his actions and being mad. I feel bad for your other kids, though; you only prioritized the baby.” – Ok_You_5818
“Your husband is an AH for letting his brother stay, but your other kids needed you, as well. It wasn’t about him. YTA.” – cagedbird82
“ESH, and that includes you. Not because you left him, but because you left three of your children also, including a three-year-old, to fend for themselves because ‘ew, lice.’ I feel sorry for your kids for having to suffer the two of you. They had to deal with a bad case of lice AND learn that they can’t depend on their mother when things get hard, all in the same weekend.” – Somzer
“Don’t get me wrong, your husband is absolutely an a**hole for not only going against your wishes but putting your kids’ health in danger.”
“But YOU, on the other hand, left three of your four children with him and your brother-in-law in this horrible situation? Your CHILDREN shouldn’t be forced to suffer even if the dad is a d**kwad.”
“ESH.” – DmnDgSys
“ESH. Your husband was definitely in the wrong. I’m not even going to attempt to excuse anything he did. But you left your three other children to suffer more and longer than if you had helped out.”
“I would have agreed with all the N T A comments if you had dropped the baby off with your parents and then had gone back to help your other children. But what you did is so petty, and your older kids had to suffer just for you to prove a point to your husband.”
“That’s not how marriage should work and certainly isn’t how you should raise kids.” – VSparks
“You’re both a**holes. He took a homeless guy into the house when he should have put his family first.”
“YTA because you should have been willing to help your family and children and put them first. You signed up to be a member of the family, and I’m sure the kids would have appreciated your attention, care, and love instead of avoidance.”
“He’s an id**t, and YTA.” – captainjt1
But others didn’t think the OP had “stuck” anything to her husband at all.
“Oh look, it’s the consequences of his own actions! NTA.” – Green-Yesterday-9610
“NTA. You didn’t ‘stick him’ with anything.”
“He stuck it to himself by bringing someone who’s violated your trust into the house against your, and probably his, better judgment. Hopefully, he’ll learn something from it.” – runsandbreakfast
“It was literally your only choice. If you took care of it, his brother would still be living there. He has no business blaming you for his own decisions.”
“You are 100% NTA, and don’t let him try that s**t with you.” – disregardable
“NTA. HE decided to invite his brother after you said no due to previous problems with him… but he expected YOU to handle the delousing aftermath for him?!? Oh, I don’t think so!” – Ornery-Wasabi-473
“A woman with a newborn! She should risk them both getting lice to rescue her husband from his stupid decision?”
“I hope these ‘demands’ are not a common thing because he didn’t even consider her limitations, only his self-victimization. The poor man had to deal with the consequences of his actions.”
“NTA.” – babcock27
“For real, you need to come home and take care of it, he says. A grown man, a father of four, and he expects THE OP to deal with the consequences of HIS actions. What in the actual h**l?”
“Stop being sorry. He did the exact thing you told him not to, and he’s mad at you for not making it go away for him. No, you should NOT have stayed to help. Maybe this way he’ll learn not to do it again. Ugh.” – dryadduinath
“NTA… The real question here is, does your husband ALWAYS expect you to clean up problems resulting from his substandard decision-making?”
“Also, is this reflective of his usual types of choices? If so, you need to protect yourself and your children from that and hope it’s not a genetic trait. You made the right choice.” – lovescarats
“NTA and you enforced an important boundary. He now knows that:”
“1. One no or two yeses is to be enforced.”
“2. If he screws up, he’ll deal with the fallout.”
“3. You’re not a doormat.”
“When he gets over his hurt feelings (I had to fix what I messed up! Oh, the horror!), your marriage will be stronger. You just saved yourself years of aggravation.”
“And to try to pull that s**t after you are still recovering from childbirth and taking care of a newborn… SMH (Shaking My Head). Tsk tsk.” – Diligent-Syllabub898
“And I just wanted to add that my Dad had a sketchy street friend stay with us briefly when we were kids, and he gave my siblings tuberculosis. It took six months of daily antibiotics to clear the infection.”
“It isn’t a nice thought, but you are right to protect your kids from the risk of close contact with people whose lifestyle puts them at increased risk of infectious disease. I’m thankful it was only lice for your family.”
“It’s not easy for the brother who is experiencing homelessness, it’s not easy for your husband to turn his brother away, and it’s not easy for you to refuse to come home despite your husband’s pleas. It’s just a lot of people making hard choices from crappy options.”
“Hopefully, you can find grace for each other and move forward with some new agreements in place. I hope you start feeling better soon and sorry this happened, it sounds like a really stressful and challenging time.” – Temporary-Abrocoma29
While the subReddit could understand the OP wanting to make a point to her husband, and they agreed that the husband shouldn’t get off the hook that easily for something the OP didn’t want to do in the first place, they otherwise had to side with the OP’s children in this situation.
Though the OP did the right thing for her baby by keeping them away from the lice, she effectively abandoned her older three children to prove a point to her husband.
Whether or not her husband learned anything from this, her children more than likely learned that their mom would leave them any time things got the least bit hard.