Traveling is stressful.
However, traveling with a family that includes infants and toddlers can be especially taxing.
Little did a mother of two realize that her children would be the main issue.
When she confronted the problem and caused drama for it, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment.
Redditor North_Donkey_6731 asked:
“AITA for asking my husband to hold his pee during flight with 2 kids”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I flew a 3.5-hour flight with our 3-month-old and 2.5yo recently. We were unable to buy seats together so I was in the middle aisle with baby and he was across the aisle of me with the aisle seat and the toddler in the middle.”
“About an hour into the flight my husband gets up to pee while I’m nursing baby and as soon as he leaves the toddler crawls over to me.”
“I try to get the toddler to sit on my lap but he causes baby to stop eating so baby is crying on me while I’m trying to hold the toddler and not disrupt the two people I’m sitting next to.”
“Plus my husband got stuck behind the beverage cart so he could grab the toddler for 20 minutes.”
This was not a one-time thing. The OP continued:
“Later, my husband gets up to pee again while I’m feeding baby and same thing happens of trying to feed baby with a toddler on my lap. Ending up with a crying baby and a toddler in one middle seat.”
“Back story, my husband pees a lot. I’ve worked with a pelvic floor therapist and told her how frequently he pees and she agrees it’s too much and he should work with PT to avoid issues down the road.”
“He says he doesn’t need help and blames it on drinking lots of water. He does work a full time job in an office and does go hours without peeing when he has back to back calls so he’s capable of holding it.”
“He’s never peed himself or had an accident. He did go to the urologist this year who ruled out any prostate, or cancer.”
The OP proposed a solution.
“After the flight, I told my husband how hard it was to balance both boys and asked if he can just hold his pee. So many times I have to pee when I’m watching the boys but hold it until timing is better. He said he can’t.”
“Next, I asked if he could ask me before he pees and go when baby isn’t nursing and I have two hands. He said no and he should be able to pee when he has to go.”
“We have a full summer of flying ahead of us including a few international trips and I’m worried.”
The OP clarified in edits:
“He gets annual physicals and is extremely healthy. No diabetes and all labs are WNL. He does ultra marathons and has never peed on himself during a long run.”
*I only mentioned the PT because of a conversation we had. She said if you pee excessively (even if just out of habit) it can lead to problems down the road and recommended peeing only every 3-4hrs.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their judgements.
“I’m torn between NAH and NTA. On the one hand, if he has a medical problem causing him to pee and has no ability to hold it whatsoever, then obviously he should get to go when he needs — but you said that he refused help, so at this point he’s choosing this problem.”
“And it bothers me that it became a 20-minute case of him being absent due to the beverage cart, and that both times he had to pee, you were feeding the baby and had your hands completely full.”
“You were both in a difficult situation, but it sounds like the labor was not divided evenly and the consequences weren’t either — he got his needs met, while you didn’t, and left with all of the parental labor in your moments of highest overwhelm, while you’re nursing.”
“If he’s unable to hold his pee for a few minutes, he needs a doctor. If he refuses a doctor, and continues to WILLINGLy put you in this situation, he’s the AH.” – amoebafr3ak
“I read it as he got stuck behind the beverage cart on the way back. Idk why I assumed that. You’re seriously stuck to them like a piece of tp on their shoe? Right there the whole time their serving people until y’all make to your seats?”
“I’ve only flown a few times and don’t think I’ve ever used an airplane bathroom. That seems really strange for a passenger. What if someone can’t physically stand that long? Or does have a bathroom emergency. There’s no way around the snack cart? Huh.”
“Oh OP NTA just hand him the infant and go to the bathroom. He’s their father.”
“His hands are not optional and how are you supposed to go at the same time? You go when he goes? Who has the kids? You probably.” – smallpepino
“I am the oldest and was potty training when my next sibling came along. Whenever my mom sat down to nurse my brother I would tell her I had to pee so she ended up standing in the bathroom nursing while I sat on the toilet wiggling my legs.”
“This sounds like that, except the man isn’t 2.” – DonnieDusko
“Thing is, it’s either malicious or weaponised incompetence. If he has a medical issue, he needs to grow the f up and address it like every other adult whose behaviour impacts others.”
“Do you think if be was at the workplace and leaving a presentation mid way to go to the bathroom his colleagues would be understanding? I guarantee you if she had gone off and spent 20 minutes in the bathroom while he’s out there with a baby and a toddler he’s not going to be so happy about it.”
“If you’ve never had to breastfeed an infant with a toddler all over you at the same time then you really have no idea how frustrating and difficult that is. All he has to do is communicate properly and not be such an inconsiderate jerk.” – No_Huckleberry85
“NAH”
“Every time he goes to the bathroom, wait until he gets back and then go to the bathroom yourself.”
“This means he gets his needs met as he needs to pee so urgently and you get your needs met by having 10 mins to breath after having the stress of managing both.” – Okdoey
“Can the husband not just take the toddler to the bathroom with him?”
“Edit: to anyone being like ‘but how could they possibly fit?!!!’ ”
“You go in first. Toddler in behind. Lock the door. Dad can pee standing up and says to toddler ‘please stand and face the door for 15 seconds’. Or ‘please stand behind daddy and don’t touch anything for 15 seconds’ or dad sits and pees and puts toddler on his lap for fifteen seconds or dad sits and has toddler stand btwn his knees for fifteen seconds.”
“totally doable. Parents manage this stuff all of the time.”
“When kids need to pee on airplanes, an adult goes in with them. I promise you, a small child and a grown adult can and routinely do fit into these spaces.” – acorn08
“I thought this too. As a mother of a 2 year old, there are so many times that she comes to the bathroom with me including in places that aren’t ideal. I have no choice because she’s a toddler and can’t be left alone.”
“It’s irritating that women bring their kids with them without a second thought, but many men (not my husband thankfully!) somehow seem to think that they shouldn’t have to share that aspect/seek to pawn the kid off on someone else so they can be alone.”
“ETA: NTA.” – Im_Anonymously_Me
“NTA. Obviously if he has an issue YWBTA [you would be the a**hole] to ask him not to pee at all for 3.5+ hours!!”
“But if he cant hold it at least for a little while, til you finish nursing, tell him to wear a nappy and pee himself like the other 2 babies you’re expected to care for do.”
“Or at least fork out for seats together so you can put your toddler beside you while you’re having to nurse. Totally unfair to put both kids on you in one seat!! And Totally unfair to the other passengers.”
“This kinda behaviour is why people glare when they see babies on flights, cos while theres good parents who try to do everything they can to keep their kids calm, then theres the selfish ones…” – blindinglights29
Overall, Redditors did not believe the OP was in the wrong for her reaction, especially considering the husband’s resistance to seeking professional help to prevent him from frequently urinating.