Mom Excludes Whiny Stepdaughter From Family Trip To Disney So She Won't 'Ruin' It For Siblings

It's not always easy to please everyone with a blended family to keep them happy when planning vacations.

A woman who has four children with her husband, two of whom are his, made plans to go to Disney World for her nephew who is battling cancer and has always wanted to go to the Magic Kingdom.

When her limited plans caused controversy, she visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked strangers online to provide judgment.

There, Redditor D-Hearing228 asked:

"AITA for planning a Disney trip without my stepdaughter and leaving her with her father?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (41 F[female]) and my husband (41 M[ale]) have four children. I have one child from a previous relationship, he has two, and we have one together."

"We have always treated the children as equally as possible, though with extended family, they don't always go on the same trips if we don't go."

"Ex: his parents take his children on vacations and my child doesn't want to go without me. This has never been an issue. But when we plan trips, we always take everyone."

"The problem is that my SD (16 f[female]) doesn't really like anything that anyone else does. Or she will like it until someone else does. Ex: she really wanted to go on a winter trip to Colorado for skiing. None of the other children were that excited, but seeing as it's hard to find things she likes, we went."

"She was excited until the other kids started enjoying it too, then she wanted to leave. This is pretty much what happens when we went on trips to the zoo, museums, anything. And if other people are already happy about it, she immediately hates the idea."

The OP continued:

"We thought maybe she just wanted time with each parent alone. So we did that with both her mom and dad. She still complained the whole time. Her counselor said maybe she wants activities with both parents to show they get along."

"They did that but if they show any enjoyment at all, she hates whatever they are doing. We've done girl days with her mom and I and she hates it. We have found the less enthusiastic we are, the more she wants to do it."

It wasn't just about going on trips.

"This applies to meals too. If someone else likes something, she finds ways to criticize it. It's like she can't let anyone else enjoy anything. She also likes things more if no one else wants to do them."

"This also happens when she goes with her aunt and cousins. Her sister is not like this at all. We've asked her if she has any insight (their mother has too) and she comes up with nothing other than, 'She's just a b***h" and shrugs.' "

"We let her choose other day trips, told her she can bring her friend, but it's the same. If she sees someone like something she chose, she complains and says it was her idea like no one else can enjoy it."

With the backstory out of the way, the OP mentioned a recent incident.

"So this year, we had been talking about Disney for a while. My nephew has cancer and has always wanted to go with us because he has no siblings and not many friends because he's missed a lot of school. SD said it was stupid as soon as everyone else wanted to go."

"Her father said he would have a lot of work to catch up on when he got back. He does seasonal work and has to take the work while he can. The kids agreed that they wanted to go and he wanted us to, so I made the plans and we decided to go back another year with all of us."

"I made the reservations for myself, sister, nephew, and 3 of our children, deciding SD can stay back with dad since she didn't want to go anyway."

"My husband says ITA for not planning for her to come too but I don't want her ruining the trip with complaints with my nephew there. Aita?"

"Edit: To clarify, I asked SD multiple times if she wanted to go as I planned, so I would know at each stage if she had changed her mind. She was adamant every time she didn't want to go. Her dad says she always says she doesn't want to go but would regret missing out."

"This is based on last summer's vacation when she said she didnt want to go but loved it. We were at a campground and it rained the whole time. We were pretty miserable but she thought it was funny."

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• NAH - No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

"NTA, I'd only advice, you, your partner and the child's mother to focus more on her mental health treatment because this thing sounds very pathological to say the least." – ByronicPan

"Honestly, I don't think it's that level of selfishness/neglect/shitty parenting. I think he's having a human moment. Who in their right mind wouldn't go full michael-scott-no-god-no-noooooo at the thought of having to spend a week with a teenager at the height of their demonic angst phase after their actions blew up in their face and is undoubtedly going to be taking it on everyone around except the only one around is them?"

"I mean, they aren't logical, there is no reasoning, punishing does nothing because they have decided you're just unfair, but you still have to parent so it's going to be a fresh new kind of hell as everyday becomes a fight and they do that thing where their anger radiates around them like a chi making the air uncomfortable and awkward even when there is silence."

"Being a parent doesn't mean that all those things your kid does that drive everyone else crazy doesn't affect you. Of course you know as a parent it's your job and you have to do it but that doesn't mean you aren't affected by it or that it becomes easier. If anything it's worse because you can't escape, and your kid is going to treat you worse than anybody because if you've done a good job they'll think there is nothing they can do that will make you stop loving them, punish them yes, lose them or think less of them no."

"And you always have to be calm and rational and even though they are just being so fu*king stupid and selfish you have to sit their and go 'yes those feelings are valid, but you can't act like this' Instead of going 'OMFG JUST CUT IT OUT YOU MISERABLE LITTLE SH*T YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON THAT MATTERS' like you can with others. So sometimes people just hit their limits and have moments where they give in to their selfishness."

"All OP can do is go 'sorry hon, I know it's tough but ya gotta do this' and get him a nice souvenir to acknowledge that it sucks, most likely alcohol if he drinks." – Razzlesndazzles

"I think it's absolutely OK to tell the kid they are not welcome to come and ruin everyone else's time. It's OK to point out their selfishness, and you better believe I'd be asking the kid what your problem is and why you are happy only if everyone else is miserable. I'd make it clear that it's unacceptable! I'd tell dad, she doesn't get to ruin a trip for six because you find it inconvenient." – Both-Echo-7401

"The kid has cancer too. This isn't normal teen angst if you can't explain the situation to them and that they don't have to like it but they have to get on board with making it enjoyable for the little ones or they can stay at home." – AmazingReserve9089

"Some people are just insufferable, she's so edgy hating everything others like, the teen angst is so lovely when she enjoys other people being miserable."

"Sounds like your other SD is right, you can't fix being an AH but what you can do is prevent other people from being impacted by her AHery." – silfy_star

"NTA."

"Reddit is gonna hate this, but hormonal contrarian teens should not be able to hold their families hostage like she has. Y'all have treated her like a small child with a terminal diagnosis, and that's not doing her any favors. She needs boundaries and a mental health professional. It wouldn't hurt for all of her parents (bio & step) to be in therapy, too (family & solo)."

"As for this not being 'fair', it isn't fair to make your other kids put up with her bullsh*t. It isn't fair to make her go on a vacation she'll abhor. Your husband is wrong." – iseeisayibe

"I agree. When I read OP's post I got the feeling that the SD is just one of those teens that is obsessed with feeling different and unique, so once someone else likes it, it 'ruins' it for her."

"Hopefully, it's just immaturity, and she grows out of it, but that might be helped along by a mental health professional. They may be able to help her identify why she feels to the need to constantly be 'unique' or 'different.' " – anothertypicalcmmnt

Overall, Redditors thought the OP shouldn't feel guilty for excluding her stepdaughter from the trip, especially after the teen continued expressing opposition.

They also thought that while the stepdaughter was entitled to her opinion, she needed to learn not to ruin the fun for her younger siblings on all family outings if she insisted on being included.