Sex is fun.
At least it's supposed to be.
But talking about sex... not always fun.
Sometimes sex talk isn't for the faint of heart.
Case in point...
Redditor SocietyIsPosion wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for telling my mother she is too old to talk about sex?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My (18 M[ale]) father (42 M) got married with his girlfriend (Laura, 36 F[emale]) last year and now they are trying to have a baby."
"I would prefer to not even know that but my father wanted to be sure that I would be ok with him having another kid, me being an only child."
"It is fine by me, whatever."
"My parents divorced when I was 5 but they never hate each other at all."
"They actually always had a very good relationship, as far as I can remember."
"My mom also likes Laura and has no problem with her being with my dad."
"So, yesterday, my mom (41F) was picking me up at my dad's house and Laura invited her in to have tea."
"They started talking about Laura trying to get pregnant."
"I wanted to go home and was disgusted listening my mother talking about something related to sex but I tolerated it at first."
"I was looking at my phone as if I was not paying attention but couldn't avoid it."
"I started complaining that I wanted to go home but my mom told me that she was going to talk to Laura as long as she wanted."
"And that if I didn't like it I could wait in my room or go home on my own."
"That was the worst because then I could not go to my room without looking like a little kid doing what she told me to in front of Laura so I had to stay."
"My breaking point was when my mom asked Laura how many times my dad and her were 'doing it' and she said at least once a day."
"My mom asked if my dad was using viagra or something but Laura smiled and said that he doesn't need it."
"I got very angry and started yelling."
"I told my mom that she is too old to talk about stuff like that and that she was being disgusting asking those questions."
"She apologised to Laura 'on my behalf' and left without taking me home."
"I think it was very rude of her to do that."
"Today, she has been totally ignoring me as if she is still angry."
"I know what I said was maybe too much but I felt like that core idea was not wrong in that context."
"Am I the Asshole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"46-year-old woman here. I had sex last night. Deal with it. YTA." ~ ImSoTiredReallyIAm
"46 here and sex didn't even start to get really good until I hit my mid 30's."
"OP may technically be an adult in the eyes of the law."
"But they've got some serious growing up to do."
"How are they ever going to be a good partner with these immature ideas about sex? YTA." ~ randomusername71175
"'Youth is wasted on the young.' I thought that was the dumbest thing I ever heard, until I grew up."
"Your 20's are like Jr High, there's an entire world out there after 30."
"My mom's friend cougared some 30 year old and rocked his f**king world."
"The best part about getting old is you don't have to be in puppy love candy gumdrop bull to have a wonderful sex life."
"I can meet someone, have sex, then go about my day without the headaches."
"Unless the woman is still in her 20's YTA and your dad is spraying babies all over your house when you're not there." ~ The_Way_It_Iz
"So many women commenting the time since last boink."
"And I just hope OP is reading this and then realise his mum probably masturbates as well as having sex."
"I wonder how he feel knowing his grandmother (if still alive) likes to do the horizontal tango."
"And his female teachers, and that sweet old lady at church she is totes ready for being railed in a summer dress."
"OP may not read all these comments, but I do hope his mum is ready for summer dress season." ~ OriginalDogeStar
"37 and having the best sex of my life."
"OP, it wasn't a conversation with you, so you can stop listening at any time."
"You're a legal adult, either grow up or go to another room or go home alone…like an adult, so you can't hear the conversation."
"The world doesn't revolve around you."
"Mom is not too old to talk about sex, even if she was 102 she wouldn't be too old."
"But you're certainly too old to whine and cry to your mommy."
"She's probably not speaking to you because she is reflecting on how her adult son became such an entitled a**hole." ~ anneofred
"YTA. Your parents are NOT too old for sex".
"Where do you think you came from?!?"
"News flash, people have sex in their 90s."
"You are a child and obviously too young for sex."
"It's ok, one day when you're 40, you're going to look back on this and laugh." ~ FaceTheJury
"Kid would be horrified to hear about the outbreaks of STDs in retirement homes from all the elderly folks having sex without protection because it's not like anyone's getting pregnant."
"Would pay to give OP a slideshow presentation including all the stats and showing outbreak trees and driving home what the implication is."
"Hahahahahaha. Op, YTA." ~ braellyra
"Lol, came here to say just this."
"OP needs a good dose of reality."
"And may he live long enough to see how dumb this post is."
"And then become one of the few old men who make it to the retirement home where he'll be wildly outnumbered and his dance card will always be full."
"And in that day he will hear some naive little teen say the same thing and laugh." ~ Justanothergamerwife
"But but but, he can't leave the room."
"His Mummy trapped him by suggesting he could leave if he's uncomfortable so that if he did leave he'd wook wike a widdle kid. TRAPPED."
"u/SocietyIsPosion (such a cool edgy username by the way) that's not how adults think."
"You ARE acting like a little kid."
"Grown men don't let worries about people thinking they are a child stop them from doing what they want to do."
"I'm an adult and I don't worry about being seen as a child by doing or not doing what my parents suggested beacuse I'm confidant in my adulthood so it's a non-issue."
"That's the concern of a small child trying to act like a big boy but not knowing how, or of an insecure middle schooler who is more worried about what looks fake grown up then what makes sense."
"Also, adults know that other adults have sex and talk about sex."
"That's why they call it 'adult' content."
"If you can't handle it, maybe you do belong at the kiddie table after all?"
"Did you really think what, after people turn 30 their genitals fall off and they turn into Barbie and Ken dolls?"
"Or what?"
"On the bright side, this is HILARIOUS."
"You are like one of those cute funny toddlers who don't know how life works and say the darndest things." ~ TheHatOnTheCat
"YTA. You're too old to be behaving this way. "
"You had the choice to leave the room or go to your mother's on your own, but chose to stay and throw a tantrum like a little kid."
"So, your plan to to impress Laura worked out just great!"
"Grow up and apologize to your mother and Laura."
"Also, there is no such thing as too old for sex." ~ Consistent-Leopard71
"YTA dude."
"My mum is in her 70s and having sex with her 83 year old boyfriend, and yes, it's come up in conversations between us."
"You could have excused yourself at any time from the conversation, and instead you acted like a huge baby and threw a fit."
"How is it ok for your dad to have sex, but your mum is 'too old' to talk about it?"
"Sounds like some sexist bullshit to me. Grow up." ~ Mortifydman
"YTA. The idea that 41 is 'too old to talk about sex' is freaking ridiculous."
"Trust me, people in their 40s are still having sex."
"Maybe even a lot, whether you like it or not."
"That said, I understand not wanting to hear this discussion, but you had options not to listen."
"You chose not to take them so you heard what you heard." ~ 3kidsnomoney---
Well it sound like OP has some thinking to do.
Sex is natural. And everyone is meant to be doing it until the day we die.
At least that is what health experts say.
Time to do some research OP.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp