Division of labor between parents is often a sticky situation. But one woman on Reddit’s refusal to deal with her daughter’s poopy diapers has sparked all-out drama between her and her husband.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by nosh*ttydiapers on the site, wasn’t sure about how she was handling the situation, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
OP asked:
“AITA for not cleaning up my daughter’s poop?”
She explained:
“I (29F[emale]) have always had a tough time dealing with anything that seems gross. When I was a kid I had a dog that crapped in the house on very rare occasions and I would literally gag and almost vomit when cleaning it up. Anything that gives off a strong putrid smell makes my eyes water and throws me into a retching fit.”
“I love kids and do really well with them, but because of my aversion to bad smells and knowing that gross scenarios are common especially among young children, I had resigned to the idea of probably not ever having any of my own.”
“My husband (31M[ale] and I married two years ago. I have always been upfront with him about my stance on having children and we talked about it plenty of times before getting married. My husband is very much a family man and he assured me that if we did have kids, he would have no issue being the one to deal with poopy diapers and things of that nature. After thinking about his offer, I agreed.”
“Now let me just say, I absolutely love my daughter to pieces. She brings so much joy into my life and she makes me smile and laugh every single day. I change all of the pee diapers, I can handle spit up, and I do all of her laundry and bottle cleaning. The one thing I will not do is change her poopy diapers, as per my agreement with my husband.”
“The other night she had a huge explosion around 2am. I heard her crying on the baby monitor and when I went to check on her, it had gone all the way up her back and into her hair. The mattress cover and the mattress itself were also soiled.”
“I immediately started getting dizzy and my eyes began to burn so I ran and got my husband. After he got her cleaned up, I worked on soothing her and getting her back to sleep, meanwhile my husband began to clean up her crib. Eventually I also fell asleep.”
“The next morning my husband was in a really sour mood. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he had slept horribly because of the situation from the night before. He then went on a tangent and started to accuse me of not helping enough, and he said that he was sick of being on ‘poop duty’.”
“I reminded him of our agreement and that I do plenty of other things in regards to taking care of our daughter. We are both still on parental leave and so it’s not like he needed to be up early for work or anything. It’s been a few days but he still has an attitude anytime I ask him to change her poopy diapers. AITA?”
Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
As you might guess, not many people had a lot of sympathy for OP.
“YTA”
“You need to get over your issues of things being gross. You had a kid and they will have gross moments for years. Your husband isn’t always going to be around to do things you don’t want to do.”
“Not sure why you had a kid if you aren’t capable of all aspects of having one.” —GoldenNebulas
“YTA. Grow up. You are a parent and you’re being incredibly selfish and immature. No one likes cleaning up poop but it has to be done.” —danger_floofs
“…I work in health care and don’t love the smell of this. What do I do? Breathe through my mouth, put vicks under my nose, and crack on. There are heaps of tips and tricks out there so you don’t have to smell it. Buy some disposable gloves? There’s plenty of ways around it.” —swactus
“…No business going into parenthood if you feel incapable of doing necessary tasks for the well being of your child. It’s poop. Sure it’s gross but WE ALL POOP.”
“I have to ask if OP wipes her bum or just leaves it because it’s icky. Does she run screaming from the toilet each time she catches a whiff of herself?”
“This is selfish. Period. Complete YTA.” —winterchill2020
After reading her fellow Redditors’ responses, OP came back with some updates.
“EDIT: Ok some of you have suggested that I add in a few things that I’ve discussed in the comment section, so here we go. In a situation where I was alone with my daughter, I absolutely would not let her sit in a soiled diaper. I would change it, obviously.”
“It would probably involve retching and vomiting on my end but I’m not going to have her sitting in filth for hours. If my husband is present, I 100% am going to ask him to handle anything poop related…because that is what he assured me he would do.”
“I am fine handling vomit, snot, and literally everything else. The poopy diapers elicit a physical response which makes it extremely difficult for me to handle. In addition to that, I do all of her bottle cleaning and laundry.”
“I am the one bathing and feeding her 90% of the time, and when she wakes up at night I am usually the first to check on her. Sometimes I will wake my husband up if she has a poopy diaper. However if he hears her crying on the baby monitor, he will not take the imitative in getting out of bed to check on her unless I ask him to.”
Hopefully OP and her husband can find a way to work through this.